What 70 Years of Marriage Can Teach Us About Love

Seventy years ago, a 15 year old girl opened a Bronx apartment door to a man in a suit who would become her travel companion, father of her kids, and seven decades later, still the first person she looks for every morning.

Now in their 80’s, Rosalyn and Irwin Engelman reside in Manhattan’s Upper Westside and have shared almost seventy years of marriage together. The journey began as teenagers living in the Bronx. The pair explains how they were introduced through a mutual friend of theirs. Rosalyn, 15 at the time, describes their first encounter when she opened the apartment door to find “this tall, handsome guy wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.” She remembers thinking he looked nothing like the other boys - no pimples, no swagger, just quiet confidence.

The first date consisted of a movie and a milkshake. Irwin didn’t lock in a second date right away ( “I didn’t want to take her for granted,” he later admitted), but then on, he made sure to call her every week. By summer, a surprising “coincidence” or fate placed him working at a Catskills hotel where Rosalyn was vacationing, and the spark continued from there until getting married on November 24th, 1956.

Irwin later went on to build an impressive career in finance and law. After earning his degree from Baruch College and later topping the New York State Bar exam, he became a certified public accountant and CFO of several Fortune 500 companies. Known for his humble and quiet generosity, he also endowed a theater at Baruch college, so students from modest backgrounds could experience concerts and events they might not otherwise be able to afford. Meanwhile, Rosalyn followed her passion for art. After obtaining her degree, she went on to establish a studio in New York City, where she taught and mentored young painters.

When describing the early days of her painting career, Rosalyn reminisces on a sentimental moment. During her art classes, Rosalyn, often covered in paint and immersed in her work, once brought Irwin to meet her professor. As she introduced her fiancé, the professor looked at the serious young businessman with his briefcase and said, “Everybody needs an anchor.”

Rosalyn interpreted it sweetly at the time, but later understood the deeper truth: she was out there exploring, dreaming, and painting freely, while Irwin was the steady presence who kept her grounded and safe.

While the two had very different interests, their lives intertwined beautifully. She opened his eyes to galleries and the beauty of creative work. While Irwin opened her eyes to the world, corporate trips across Asia, lunches with princes, and many more experiences she never could have imagined as a young artist. Together, they raised two daughters while balancing their individual careers and family life. To this day, the whole family, including daughters, son in laws, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and even their beloved miniature poodle, Honey, reconvene every year in Vermont.

Their travels, especially to Asia and Japan, became a major part of their shared life. Irwin’s business took them across the region repeatedly, where Rosalyn absorbed new aesthetics and traditions that heavily influenced her work. She created a series of paintings inspired by Japanese calligraphy, ancient tea-house rituals, and the meditative winding stone pathways she encountered. These pieces, incorporating gold accents, subtly shift in appearance as light changes. She claims this aspect of art helps to remind the viewer that art exists in time, not just space.

After a trip to China in the 1980’s, Rosalyn contracted Guillain-Barré syndrome, a devastating autoimmune disorder. It triggered severe complications: total paralysis, blindness, encephalitis, Bell’s palsy, and four strokes. She describes becoming “like a board” without the capability to move or see. Weeks in the hospital eventually became two long months of recovery. However, Irwin never left her side and made time to visit her every single day despite his demanding career. Against all odds and through intensive physical therapy, she relearned to walk and gained back partial vision. That same year, they renewed their vows in their Westport backyard, a symbolic reaffirmation of “in sickness and in health”.

As Rosalyn approached her late 80’s, she began to slow down on creating art. “What I want now is to be with Irwin and my family,” she says. The couple currently resides at The Apsley, an assisted living facility in the Upper Westside. The warmth of their current life is apparent through the many details of their current home, including multiple family portraits and the hung paintings from different points of Rosalyn’s life.

To younger couples, Rosalyn’s advice is straightforward: “Think of the other person. Don’t always think of oneself... and be careful whom you choose.” She emphasizes that the foundation starts with admiration and careful selection.

“I just knew,” she says of meeting Irwin. “I admired his honesty and his intellect and his kindness. He was very kind to his family... he was very generous, and those were qualities I really admired.” She adds with a smile, “Plus he could do calculus and everything I had to take in school... somebody would come over and tutor me. What could be better?”

Over the decades, that early romance excitement transformed into certainty that they had chosen the right person to build a life with. “I always admired him,” Rosalyn reflects. “I always felt that it was a pleasure and a privilege to be his wife.” Irwin, in turn, “always thought about me and I always thought about him,” she explains, “and we always did what we thought was better for the other person.” When challenges arose, whether it was raising children with little money, deciding whether Irwin should attend law school at night, or facing her life-threatening illness, their approach was the same: “How can we make this challenge go away and be in love and happy and healthy... whatever the challenge was, we can’t get through it without each other.”