WHEN THREE'S NOT A CROWD
My first threesome happened-in all places-at my grandfather's house Upstate. When I heard that he was going to sell the house, I made arrangements to visit (nobody lived there; it was only occupied at sporadic intervals by various family members) with my boyfriend Mike, his friend Zoie and her boyfriend Andrew. I had only met them once before, yet Mike's numerous references to Zoie's lesbian leanings, my growing curiosity, and our penchant for kinky sex led to an understood plan for a weekend of debauchery.
I was electrified with the novelty of my first lesbian experience (I had never even kissed a girl before) and the awareness of Mike's arousal made me feel like an exhibitionist and a voyeur all at once. The three of us played on the floor while Andrew slept (or so it seemed) on the couch behind us. We eventually moved into one of the bedrooms, assuming that Andrew would join us if he awoke, so in all fairness we left the door open and did not refrain from verbal ecstasy. Although he did not stir from the couch during the first (and probably the best) threesome of my life, he played a part in our other retreat "activities." By the end of the weekend, the four of us had a bond beyond sex.
Most threesomes probably aren't as smooth and rewarding as my weekend ménage-a-trois. A threesome has as much potential for problems as pleasure, and it all depends on whom, why, what and how (where isn't as important, as long as the locale is clean and comfortable).
According to polls (yes, people are regularly polled on such matters), 24 percent of Americans (16 percent of men and 8 percent of women) admit they have had a threesome, although these polls don't take into account all the various possible combinations of people involved. I've had a lot of threesomes, but I've had only one type: two women and a man. This is the most common configuration, for obvious reasons.
I haven't met a straight guy who wasn't into having sex with two women. Women also seem to be more open to same-gender sexual experimentation. However, I was surprised at the results of a sex-a-poll on Queendom.com that asked, "If you were to have sex with multiple partners (as a group), would you like it to be:?" The most popular answer for women was, "I would never have sex with multiple partners" at 28.2 percent (out of 2,000 votes). The top answer for men was predictably "your couple and another woman" at 28.3 percent.
Another cock present can be threatening to a guy, especially if there is only one woman in the bed. Guys are competitive enough when they are fully clothed; nakedness ups the ante. When two straight men are naked together, they are vulnerable. Their mental state tends to revert to pubescent boys in a locker room.
The only difference is that as adults in a threesome situation, they compare techniques as well as penises. I like to take long slow strokes. What if she likes it rough? Oh shit, she's really enjoying his tongue. Maybe he's better than me. I have to really concentrate?focus on the clit, on the clit?oh fuck, now I'm losing my erection. Now she's definitely going to prefer him. The bottom line is that for a straight guy, insecurities arise when there is another male in the room.
I suppose the same goes for women, although probably not as often. My boyfriend and I had a regular threesome partner for several months. One time he said he wanted to fuck both of us. This upset me. It didn't make sense, since we had done a lot with Jennifer before, but I had this visceral reaction to the idea of my lover being physically inside another woman while I was present.
Intercourse seems more intimate than oral sex or any other sex act. Maybe it bothered me because I imagined them face to face, eyes locked in lustful intensity. She didn't want to go there anyway-but if I was in a similar situation at this point in my life, I'm sure I would be more open to the idea, just imagining the possibilities that would equalize the dynamic. For example, if he were to bang her from behind while I kneeled before her, so she could please me while my lover and I maintained the intimate eye connection, I think I would be okay with that. Yes, that would be hot.
Jealousy is always a possibility in a threesome, especially when the parties involved are a couple and a "guest." Whether the guest is a friend or stranger found through the back pages of this newspaper, the girlfriend may wonder if her boyfriend is more into the guest than her, especially if she's primarily straight.
If she's in the threesome to fulfill her boyfriend's fantasy, she will probably be uncomfortable to begin with, so jealousy ensues, and in the worst case scenario, a break-up. The same complications may arise in gay combinations of three women or three men. If one person feels forced, pressured, or even slightly unsettled, the ménage-a-trois is likely to stink like a rotten foie gras.
Agreeing to a threesome just to please your partner is like going on a diet just to please your mother. Both acts can have positive results, but if the person agreeing is doing so begrudgingly, feeling that there is no reward other than someone else's praise, that person may as well eat a rotten foie gras. The point of a threesome is shared intimacy among three people; if one person is grimacing on the sideline, or allowing the body to engage while the mind is wishing it was over, it's not a true threesome.
The triangle logic doesn't end there. A triangle is the simplest planar figure. Three lines are necessary to form a shape and a solid form requires three dimensions. The number three is dripping with symbolism, both material and esoteric. A, B, C's. Bust, Waist, Hips. Morning, afternoon, night. Past, present, future.
The world is divided into threes: animal, vegetable, mineral; solid, liquid, gas; mother, father, child. The Holy Trinity is just one religious manifestation of trichotomy; many religions classify their deities into three elements or three gods or goddesses. American culture is saturated in patterns of three: small, medium, large; three little pigs; snap, crackle and pop. Freud suggested three as a masculine symbol: phallus cum testiculis. I'm writing this article using first, second and third person. Three represents everything that is solid, real and complete.
As long as you're not proposing a threesome to your unwilling partner knowing that it's a selfish excuse to have sex with his or her hot friend, a threesome can be an opportunity for a profound experience of human connection. Body, mind, soul. The triad breaks down the traditional coupling, opening up a world of erotic possibility. It is possible to feel connected not only to the other people involved, but to feel more intimately attuned to the sexual forces within yourself.
On your mark, get set, go! Find that tall, dark and handsome stranger or petite, pale, and pretty friend who's ready, willing and able. Whether it's at a swingers club in the city or a house in the country, a threesome can be amazing with the right attitude, mutual respect and communication. Everyone should try it. At least three times.