We’re All Elves Now We’re All Elves Now In Dec. ...

We're All Elves Now

In Dec. 2002, New York celebrated "Two Weeks Notice Day," in honor of the Sandra Bullock/Hugh Grant romantic comedy. Last Friday, Nov. 7, our mayor went on NBC's Today show to officially declare "Elf Day" in New York City. The film, you see, spent two weeks shooting on location here and employed a couple hundred people, so Bloomberg figured New Line Cinema deserved their very own day of observance?sort of like those veterans and that King guy.

The new holidays are part of an initiative launched by the Mayor's Office of Film, Theatre & Broadcasting (MOFTB). The goal is to attract more film crews to the island and keep New York's Tisch grads employed in the face of cheap Canadian competition. But while we're 100 percent in favor of promoting the local film industry, Page Two shudders when the mayor takes it upon himself to declare a public holiday to promote a Will Ferrell vehicle. He even enlisted the Department of Education: On Nov. 1 and 2, the MOFTB, New Line Cinema and seven public schools hosted screenings of the film, handing out 1500 passes in the process. Then on Nov. 7, the MTA allowed obnoxious bands of New Line Cinema elves to carol in the subways and hand out promotional crap.

When asked why such official goodies were awarded to New Line, MOFTB spokesperson Julianne Cho told Page Two that "they spent 4.5 million dollars and employed over 200 people." She would not say whether every film that shoots in New York will also be awarded their own day of recognition by New York's 8 million residents.

Lest you think we're being grinchy (Mayor Bloomberg, are we allowed to use that word without paying a royalty to your office?), we gladly note that official New Line elves delivered presents?a whopping 200 of them?to childcare centers operated by the city's Administration for Children's Services.

"Elf help[s] us to rediscover New York as the most cinematic city in the world," said the mayor. "We are also delighted to be joining with New Line Cinema in this opportunity to promote toy drives during the holiday season."

More honest was the statement made by Katherine Oliver, commissioner of the MOFTB:

"We are thrilled that New Line Cinema chose to discover its inner Elf in New York City," she said. "By partnering with New Line on the promotion of this film, we are launching a new marketing initiative and sending a strong, global signal to entertainment executives that we will support their projects from production to release. In New York City, you call the shots." [Emphasis added.]

Once upon a time, private companies marketed their own products, cities didn't whore themselves out for the honor of shooting on its streets and the holidays were about candy bars, not bar codes. Wait a second?isn't it November?

Elf is rated PG.

 

Snoopy

Residents in the MetLife-owned Peter Cooper Village apartment complex are more than a little unnerved at the insurance conglomerate's plan to beef up the building's security. That doesn't sound like such a terrible idea, you'd think, until you realize that the new security measures seem less aimed at keeping intruders and criminals and terrorists out than it has to do with keeping the residents in line.

The gated 2500-unit complex in the East 20s already boasts round-the-clock patrols and a security intercom system. Crime has never really been a problem there?yet the new MetLife proposal calls for replacing regular front-door keys with electronic key cards (complete with photo ID), and digital cameras in the lobby that would photograph everyone who enters or leaves the building. There's no word as to how many other cameras would be installed elsewhere throughout the complex.

Only lease holders would be given the key cards. Visitors, maids, babysitters and the like would be required to apply to the management company in order to receive temporary cards.

The question remains, why? Is MetLife expecting a sudden spike in crime in the neighborhood? Some sort of Assault on Precinct 13 situation?

That seems doubtful. Fact is, it seems more like something out of The Prisoner.

Peter Cooper Village is a plush, fancy-schmantzy oasis. It has its own park, its own recreational facilities, underground parking?even free concerts for the residents. It's an island unto itself. And even though there are a few rent-stabilized apartments there, it hardly comes cheap.

And that's what seems to be behind the decision to transform the Village (and later, adjacent Stuyvesant Town) into a high-tech wonderland of modern surveillance techniques. It has nothing to do with further shielding the residents from the outside world, and everything to do with trying to identify and catch those residents who are illegally subletting their rent-stabilized apartments.

Catching the scofflaws would, of course, allow the management company to reclaim the apartments, making them once again available at market prices.

 

Everything Must Go

We recently ran into stand-up comic Eddie Brill and remarked that he must be very proud to be the official mascot of NYC Liquidators. This amazing stronghold of cool VHS tapes?and much more?is conveniently located around the corner from New York Press, serving as a reliable source over the years for everything from obscure porn to Jerk-Off Santa Clauses.

As the owner's only son with a headshot, Eddie Brill's happy face has always been prominently displayed over the counter. He then informed us that his dad Norman was in very poor health, news that came as a shock, since we'd seen Norm working the register just a few days before. Norm looked perfectly healthy in his usual role as the lovable grumpy old guy looking over his amazing cast of retail misfits. We certainly weren't prepared to stop by NYC Liquidators on Monday and find a sign posted announcing the day and time for Norman's memorial service.

The great man passed away last week, and he went out as a true asset to Manhattan. While the liquidator stores on 14th St. and Canal St. faded away, Norman maintained one of the most fascinating stocks in New York City. When the porn shops were forced to enforce the 60:40 formula?meaning that 60 percent of a porn shop's displays had to consist of mainstream product?Norm's inventory was the savior to many businesses.

To this day, you can find some amazing out-of-print tapes in local porn shops. We can thank Norm for that, as well as a lot of other bizarre items that still sit on our shelves. Eddie says that the store will likely stay open, so there's some good news for people who are coming in late. To some of us, though, losing Norm is the end of an era.

 

Old men and old women alike have been running wild in the streets, their lust for violence and bloodshed reawakened after so many years of slumber. What do they want, if anything? All we can say is that the next time we see an old person the street, we're gonna get them before they can get us.

The signs have been there. Earlier this week, 75-year-old Henry Ward was sentenced to 15 years for the murder of his caretaker last February. Ward, who lives in Buffalo, is confined to a wheelchair, has a withered left arm and suffers from debilitating arthritis?yet was still able to strangle 46-year-old Gina Smith.

According to the police account, Ward and Smith were drinking, and Ward was trying to peel a turnip. This was difficult of course, given as he only had one arm and was drunk, so he asked Smith for help. When she refused, he headed for the phone to call someone else who would help him peel the turnip. Before he could do that, for some reason Smith kicked the phone out of his reach. Understandably frustrated and upset by all this, Ward knocked Smith down, wrapped his good arm around her throat. And strangled her.

Ward pleaded guilty. At his sentencing he apologized, telling the court that he knew he'd "done wrong and should be punished." Then he claimed that he was under Satan's power at the time of the murder, which seems like it would sort of nullify that earlier apology,

Lester Campbell, an 80-year-old retired security guard from the Bronx, didn't kill anybody, but probably would if given the chance.

After cashing his Social Security check on the morning of Nov. 3, Campbell was returning to his Mott Haven apartment. He was followed into the building elevator by a large man, who leapt upon Campbell, socking him but good and knocking him to the floor. When the assailant went into the old man's pockets for the cash, Campbell whipped out his concealed .38, which the mugger quickly relieved him of. When the elevator doors opened, the hood fled.

When police arrived shortly thereafter, Campbell described his ordeal, then showed the officers his other unlicensed handgun. He's currently facing two misdemeanor weapons charges.

Although Okanetta Richardson isn't exactly "elderly" at 52, she is a grandma?and a grandma on her way to jail.

On the afternoon of Sat., Nov. 1, she picked up her one-year-old grandson at his mother's house. When the boy still hadn't returned by Wednesday, his mom grew concerned. She called the cops, and it didn't take them long to find both the boy and his grandma, who were having a fine old time at a crackhouse in Williamsburg. The World's Funnest Grandma is now being charged with child endangerment.

And finally, a 78-year-old woman is back home, and we can all breathe easier. The unnamed woman apparently plied her 32-year-old caretaker, Collette Horkan, with rum. When the caretaker passed out, the old woman made a break for it. She was reported wandering around Yonkers and recaptured before she could do anything terrible. For her role in the escape, Horkan is being charged with endangering the welfare of "an incompetent person." (Yeah, incompetent like a fox if you ask us.)

The city's proposed cuts to the "Meals on Wheels" program may not be such a bad thing after all. Feeding these people less might leave them much less able to act on their volatile criminal impulses.