WEDS Weds. 7/2 Darkest Hour, Anti-Flag Two bands that have attempted ...

Darkest Hour, Anti-Flag

Two bands that have attempted to finesse 9/11 artistically, metal Darkest Hour and punk Anti-Flag, come to Irving Plaza. Darkest Hour followed up 2001's critically overlooked So Sedated, So Secure with the even more brutal Hidden Hands of a Sadist Nation?the band's vocals (courtesy John Henry) continue to push the boundaries of listenability in a good way. Anti-Flag, meanwhile, whose best work remains their unquestionably catchy debut album Die for the Government, tried to keep from alienating their audience with a terror-aware song called "911 for Peace." If you can handle strained vocals and basic politics, this is one of the best bills to come around in a while. With A Static Lullaby and Tabula Rasa. 17 Irving Pl. (15th St.), 212-777-6800, 8, $12.50.

Thurs. 7/3

Full White Drag

It's neither wrong nor unfair to invoke Girls Against Boys when describing Full White Drag. They've clearly been an influence. There's also a big dose of Fugazi and Jawbox and all the usual populist punk influences that are unavoidable to smart-guy dorks who came of musical age in the mid-90s. In an early show at Mercury Lounge tonight, these boys from Ontario open up for Corb Lund Band, Puracane and Gordo Gringo. The last time we heard Puracane, singer Ali Rogers had taken the wheel from Portishead and Massive Attack?again, it's neither wrong nor unfair to cite similarities?and was offering up beautiful, sexy songs that'll make you ache for warm, drunken hand-holding. If Full White Drag is frenetic foreplay, then Puracane is the slow, soulful fucking. 217 E. Houston (betw. Ludlow & Essex Sts.), 212-260-4700, 7:30, $8.

The Brain Surgeons

Beach Party, the Brain Surgeons' new album, definitely has a beach party feel to it. There's some surf guitar, some metal, some old songs, a sing-along or two, and it closes with a song that says it all, "Pissin' Away the Summer." While Arlene Grocery isn't exactly home to much sand and surf, they do have beer, so maybe nobody'll care once Blue Öyster Cult alum Albert Bouchard, Deb Frost and their latest line-up take the stage. They're always a hell of a lot of fun?plus they do a great "Red and the Black." 95 Stanton St. (betw. Ludlow & Orchard Sts.), 212-358-1633, 8, $7.

Fri. 7/4

88th Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest

Yes, this event has been oversaturated with attention in recent years (a spread in the Economist?), but the annual hot dog eating contest is still a great Coney Island tradition and one of the wonders of the modern culinary world. Get grossed out or get patriotic watching the enormous William "The Refrigerator" Perry go up against the diminutive returning champion Takeru Kobayashi. Who will win the 2003 "Mustard Yellow International Belt"? Bring your lunch, or prepare to lose it, as ever, at Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Stand, 1310 Surf Ave. (Stillwell Ave.), Coney Island, 718-946-2705, 12, free.

Paul Oakenfold

Calling Paul Oakenfold just another superstar DJ seems somehow inadequate in light of his status as the most famous purveyor of dance music in the world. A new term needs coining?super-duper-star DJ, perhaps? This July 4 gig could go one of two ways. He could coast on his reputation, lay down workhorse house crap that only moves you to say he's overrated and over and that what he was doing back in the early 90s was the real shit. Or, the drugs could be perfect, the beats thump you into techno-submission and you wake up the next morning with two underage foreign exchange students. Worth the risk? Maybe. Centro-Fly, 45 W. 21st St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-627-7770, 10, $20.

Sat. 7/5

While You Were Playing Rubik's Cube

If your crowning achievement in life involves Princess Zelda's adoring gaze over Ganon's exploding corpse, then the exhibit you've been waiting your entire lonely existence for has arrived. In While You Were Playing Rubik's Cube, artists who once saw the act of dodging junkies' glowing hypodermic needles as nothing more than pressing the jump button in the arcade classic, NARC, have returned to save Long Island City from all modern-day Bowsers. Call up the old third-grade posse and experience a 3D wall mural, a Space Invasion of NYC and all types of fresh video art through modified Nintendos. Art by Space Invader, Paul Slocum, David Griffin and more for you to admire while you stick the middle finger of your Power Glove up at all the kids in their fake Atari t-shirts. Flux Factory, 3838 43rd St. (betw. Northern Blvd. & Skillman Ave.), 718-707-3362, 8, free.

Godiva Chocolate Tasting

Godiva may have nestled into the block of consumerist death with its friends?Coach, Origins and Victoria's Secret?and this could easily be another attempt to conquer the neighborhood, but now is not the time for self-righteousness. This is free chocolate. Put your values aside, consume to your heart's content and help turn the overmedicated Upper West Side into a hyperactive wonderland, if only for one weekend. Pretend to listen to Godivan history and technique, and either stay for the museum exhibit or just go cover the city in brown fingerprints. American Museum of Natural History, Central Park W. (79th St.), 212-769-5200, 1-4, free w/don.

Sun. 7/6

Marilyn Monroe Walking Tour

Discover the places where America's favorite sex symbol Marilyn Monroe "lived, filmed, stayed, studied" and "ignited dynamite"?you'll even find out where she got her hair done! That street ventilation grate was somewhere around here too, wasn't it? Meet at 455 E. 57th St. (1st Ave.), 212-475-6914, 11, $20.

Mon. 7/7

Les Paul and His Trio

He plays here every goddamn Monday night, and every Monday night you find an excuse to stay home. But someday he's gonna die and you'll kick yourself for not taking advantage of seeing him when you could. Les Paul, for those who don't know, is the man most responsible for creating the instrument we call the electric guitar?in fact, the best guitar ever made is named after him. The electric guitar pop jazz show is nice and quick moving. At nearly 90 years old, Les is a living piece of history?and he can still play guitar like he's ringing a bell. Iridium Room, 1650 B'way (51st St.), 212-582-2121, 8 & 10, $30.

Tues. 7/8

Satanicide

So a couple friends started a fake metal band. You know, big hair, tight pants, the devil's got your nose and so on. "Like Spinal Tap," yeah, yeah, rock out with your cock out. Dude. We caught the act at Acme Underground once or twice, thought it was funny enough. Then, we left town and came back to find Satanicide with a full-length CD (Heather, Enabler Records) and packed shows at Mercury. Tonight, come out for the gag that just won't give up?which isn't to say it's a bad thing. With competent anthems like "20 Sided Die" and "69 Chevy," Dale and the band?oops, we mean Devlin Mayhem, Vargas Von Goaten, Sloth Vader, Aleister Cradley?have managed to transcend the joke and entertain in a, dare we say it, Swift fashion: satire that's enjoyable on its own. Mercury Lounge, 217 E. Houston (betw. Ludlow & Essex Sts.), 212-260-4700, 8:30, $8.

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Jim Knipfel, Jeff Koyen, Daniel Migdal, Hana Nakamura and Ned Vizzini.