WEDS WEDS. 3/19 Between 1949 and 1980, Nicholas Ray wrote ...

Between 1949 and 1980, Nicholas Ray wrote and directed two dozen of the most inventive, fascinating films ever released by Hollywood?including Bogart's (In a Lonely Place), the world's oddest western (Johnny Guitar, with Joan Crawford and the great Sterling Hayden) and, of course, Rebel Without a Cause. Tonight, "Nicholas Ray, Writ Large," the most comprehensive retrospective to date of the iconoclastic director's work, screens Party Girl, the deceptively titled 1958 crime drama starring Robert Taylor, Cyd Charisse and Lee J. Cobb. Taylor stars as a Prohibition-era mob lawyer battling his conscience (and a few other things), but it's Ray's use of shadow, color and camera angles that make it far more interesting than it might've been in lesser hands. At MOMA's Gramercy Theater, 127 E. 23rd St. (betw. Lexington & Park Aves.), 212-708-9680; 8:15, $12 [through 4/12].

The world already has a surplus of weird-ass sounds, but that's not going to stop Plate Tectonics from creating their own. The band, formerly known as Pixeltan, can sound like a kitten trapped in a subway door when they feel like it. What all the shrieking and sweaty drumming is actually about may not be clear, but it sounds brand new each time. At Luxx tonight with Sightings, Hair Police and Big A, Little A. 256 Grand St. (betw. Driggs Ave. & Roebling St.), 718-599-1000, 8 p.m., $7

Despite the recent tease of imminent spring, we still wish we were back in South Beach, where we took a week's vacation last month. Fortunately, the guys at SBNY can shake you out of your winter blues. Their new night, Cuchifrito, features DJ T-Pro spinning your favorite tracks along with Laritza Dumont and Eddie Cruz. Stick around for the wet underwear contest at 1 a.m., sip delicious cocktails during their 2-for-1 happy hour (5-9 p.m.) and be sure to say hi to Larry, our favorite bartender. 50 W. 17th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-691-0073, free/$5.

Former indie rock It Boy Lou Barlow returns to the scene of his low-fi emo crimes tonight at the Knitting Factory. Since quitting Dinosaur Jr. (whose name gets more and more apt every time they appear on the Jenny Jones show) Lou has released music that's angry, angsty, whiney and inexplicably compelling. Even though he's basically been churning out variations on the same nutra-sweetened, navel-gazing Leonard Cohen script since the mid-90s, the boy can still charm. Worst-case scenario: this will be a late-20s, long-sleeve, Joy Division t-shirt meat market where a sentence like "they totally sold out on their third album" may actually get you laid. With Alaska!, Mia Doi Todd. 74 Leonard St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-219-3055, 9, $12/$10 adv.

THURS. 3/20

All you need to know about Annie Hall: A nebbishy guy who vaguely resembles a lizard man you've seen walking around Manhattan with his once-young wife tells dumb jokes and complains about his love life for an hour or so while he dates that chick from the The Godfather who wears big ties that, we're told, were cute at the time. Near the halfway mark, something truly outstanding happens: Christopher Walken's movie career is born when he freaks out the, um, leading man by describing his temptation to drive into oncoming traffic: "I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The...flames rising out of the flowing gasoline." Besides that exchange, Annie Hall is entertaining only as an anthropological dig into the origins of Meg Ryan "vehicles" and every shitty romantic comedy released after 1977. The 6:50 screening features a Q&A with actor Tony Roberts and writer Marshall Brickman. At BAM Rose Cinemas, 30 Lafayette Ave. (Ashland Pl.), Ft. Greene, 718-636-4100; 4:30, 6:50 & 9:30, $9, $6 st., $6 s.c

For everyone who missed the Folk Implosion show last night: try Tober. Like at least one of their influences, this three-piece hails from the Massachusetts area and puts out snappy, smirky songs that are catchy and smart. Because there's another band called Tober that plays New York City every once in a while, you're urged to visit the band's website (dorkrock.com) just to make sure you've got the right guys. While this Tober must be forgiven for describing themselves as "indiepop and mathrock shar[ing] an awkward, yet tender, embrace between friends" (smirky, see?), the other Tober is guilty of being played on WSOU and featuring a singer with a penchant for Christ poses. At the Knitting Factory Alterknit Theatre. 74 Leonard St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-219-3055, 9, $7.

FRI. 3/21

The Bowery Poetry Club is one of those places that you might only appreciate after you've lived in one of the many cultural wastelands that exist outside of NYC. Philadelphia, say. Don't let the poetry thing scare you?there's a lot more to this place than slams and Rick Shapiro. They also stage shows like Power Boat!, which bills itself as the first annual nautical rock puppet festival. Tonight, we're told, Skeevy will see omens of doom and the Captain's conch shell will emit the sounds of Armageddon. Grab you eye patch, staple a stuffed parrot to your shoulder and maybe take the same advice we offered for last week's Dazed and Confused screening: See it with a bud. 308 Bowery (Bleecker St.), 212-614-0505, 11:00, $8.

SAT. 3/22

New York-based band the Telephones return to the Baggot Inn tonight, pumping their mellow melodic beats and catching the attention of blondes and barflies alike. The quartet plays as though they were an orchestra of nine, strengthened by Jesse's haunting echoes on lead vocal. Songs revolve around fictional plots, lent realism by intense playing and lyrics uttered with conviction. Tunes with names like "Asian Girls" and "Nutrasweet" inspire most to sway in place while the usual gaggle of groupies sings along. 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Sullivan & Thompson Sts.), 212-477-0622; 10, $5.

Tim Kinsella still can't sing and his bandmates in Joan of Arc still can't play, but somehow their whiny, literate-boy act remains kinda cute. The Chicago band's recent record, So Much Staying Alive and Loneliness (Jade Tree), is a reminder of what this stuff used to sound like, pre-Bright Eyes. You can bet a bunch of kids are going to misunderstand the chicken-and-egg relationship between JOA and their more popular descendents, but whatever. The guys in JOA are closer to 30 than 20 and still sound like 17-year-olds trying to remember how nice and innocent things were when they were 12, so that's, like, the least of their worries. At the Mercury Lounge with likeminded locals The Love of Everything, Prosaics (which includes the drummer from Rainer Maria) and the Occasion. 217 E. Houston St. (Ave. A), 212-260-4700, 8:30 p.m, $10.

SUN. 3/23

If you want to come face to face with the greatest hiphoppers of all time, we suggest Michael Benabib's show at the new hiphop culture fine arts establishment, Eyejammie. More than 60 performers, impresarios and producers will be presented in their natural habitats?from the studio to the streets, with their cars and their kids. This show actually opened last night, but considering that Eyejammie Fine Arts Gallery was founded by Def Jam's Bill Adler, we expect that the opening was a madhouse. Go today, instead, when the crowds have died down and you can actually look at the work on display. Prints will be available for sale at the show. 516 W. 25th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.) 212-645-0061, Mon.-Sat. 12-6, free. [through 4/19]

MON. 3/24

Break out the old army jacket, put the final touches on the mohawk and polish up the aviator shades: Taxi Driver screenwriter Paul Schrader is taking the mic following a screening of last year's Auto Focus. This biopic of Hogan's Heroes star and technologically innovative pervert Bob Crane is a very good, overlooked movie that will almost convince you to forgive Greg Kinnear for Talk Soup. The real show will be Schrader, whose personality is one big nervous tic and whose other films include Blue Collar, Affliction and the Joan Jett/Alex P. Keaton turd Light of Day. There may be a Q&A following the film, so stand in the back and try to glean pointers on how to impress Jodie Foster. At Makor, 35 W. 67th St. (betw. Columbus Ave. & Central Park W.), 212-601-1000; 7:30, $15.

TUES. 3/25

A common tactic of the untalented is to claim that they're so fantastically dangerous and just, you know, just, just so fucking frightening for the establishment that they're kept down. That's what came to mind when we saw If We Were Men, We'd Be Famous. Just maybe, ladies, you're not famous because you're not funny. Truth is, though, that this show can be quite good. Comics Darcy Casteleiro, Nancy Giles, Gilda Konrad, Suzanne O'Neill and Janet Rosen pass the mic and perform stand-up, tell stories and touch on politics alongside doses of good, old-fashioned dysfunction. At Rose's Turn, 55 Grove St. (betw. 7th Ave. S. & Christopher St.), 212-366-5438; 7, $5 & 2 drink min.

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Christopher Carbone, Laura Hibit, Hana Nakamura, Jim Knipfel, Jeff Koyen, Sarah Shanok, Andy Wang