WEDNESDAY Wednesday Vacationland They tumbled down from Maine just a ...

Vacationland

They tumbled down from Maine just a few weeks ago to play Don Hill's, and the show was such a success that they decided to do it again. Fronted by Jim Wallerstein (formerly of Das Damen) on guitar, Vacationland's hard-edged pop leans back toward its punk origins, but stops just in time. 511 Greenwich St. (Spring St.), 212-219-2850, 8, $10.

Solo Sets for Drunks with Short Attention Spans

Does the holiday season make you want to put a nail through Santa's eye and slap his elves? Well then, have we got a show for you. Billed as Solo Sets for Drunks with Short Attention Spans, this is one dark evening of cheap drinks and moody musical meanderings. Cindy Wheeler (Caulfield Sisters) will be performing a set she describes as "pretty lullabies, until you realize I am spitting blood." Peg Simone will be previewing songs of love-gone-wrong from her upcoming EP, Swoon. Reid Paley winds things down (or up) with his gravel-throated yet oddly lighthearted tunes about drinking, alienation and heartache. With Curtis Eller, Jay Taylor, and Slow Whitey. CBGB's Lounge, 313 Bowery (Bleecker), 212-677-0455, 7, $5.

Elvin Jones

Jazz giant Elvin Jones begins his week-long string of sets at the Blue Note tonight. Had Michigan native Jones merely had fruitful years with Benny Goodman and Charles Mingus, his place in history would be reserved. But his work with John Coltrane's 60s quartet?which birthed My Favorite Things, Ole and A Love Supreme?is the tombstone accomplishment. Playing almost counter to the elegant near-chaos of Coltrane and pianist McCoy Tyner, Elvin Jones created some of the strangest and most beautiful polyrhythms of the era. At 76, the man can still make the drums sound like an avalanche with a pulse. Not to be missed. 131 W. 3rd St. (betw. MacDougal St. & 6th Ave.) 212-475-8592, 8 & 10:30, $20-$30.

James Carville

It was only a matter of time before the Democrats' most tv-friendly populist chimed in with his own chatty anti-Bush hardback. So does Carville's snappy new Had Enough?: A Handbook for Fighting Back add anything to the discussion? Will it send the GOP running pants-around-the-ankles for the hills? No, but Carville is bald, occasionally funny and has a rich Southern twang. Which is more than you can say for Jim Hightower. Ask him if he's that guy from K Street. Then ask him what it's like to be Emilio Estevez's dad. Barnes & Noble, 33 E. 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 212-253-0810, 7, free.

Thursday

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Holly Jolly Christmas our ass! With that Abominable Snowman out there? They bounce, you know! And what about those sinister, gay, tooth-yanking dentist elves? We hear they cut the scene where he keeps asking the Bumble, "Is it safe?" Here's your chance to ask Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass why they took it upon themselves to traumatize millions of children with those creepy holiday specials of theirs. Museum of Television & Radio, 25 W. 52nd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-621-6600, 6, $15, $7 st.

Elvin Jones

Jazz giant Elvin Jones begins his week-long string of sets at the Blue Note tonight. Had Michigan native Jones merely had fruitful years with Benny Goodman and Charles Mingus, his place in history would be reserved. But his work with John Coltrane's 60s quartet?which birthed My Favorite Things, Ole and A Love Supreme?is the tombstone accomplishment. Playing almost counter to the elegant near-chaos of Coltrane and pianist McCoy Tyner, Elvin Jones created some of the strangest and most beautiful polyrhythms of the era. At 76, the man can still make the drums sound like an avalanche with a pulse. Not to be missed. 131 W. 3rd St. (betw. MacDougal St. & 6th Ave.) 212-475-8592, 8 & 10:30, $20-$30.

Friday

Iranian Film Festival

Aside from being one rocking third of the Axis of Evil, Iran is also home to some of the best filmmakers working. Today and tomorrow, the Asia Society screens a slew of Persia's best new films. See p. 66.

Jailbreak

This one's for our homies in cell block C. Books Through Bars provides cats in lockdown with quality literature, based on the idea that reading is liberating and prison sucks. Tonight, catch classic jailarity as they play Cool Hand Luke and Johnny Cash Live in Prison. Good times will be had and beer will be served. Some of which you will be obligated to pour onto the curve to remember those who couldn't be there. ABC No Rio, 156 Rivington St. (betw. Suffolk & Clinton Sts.), 212-254-3697, ext. 323, 8, $5.

Elvin Jones

Jazz giant Elvin Jones begins his week-long string of sets at the Blue Note tonight. Had Michigan native Jones merely had fruitful years with Benny Goodman and Charles Mingus, his place in history would be reserved. But his work with John Coltrane's 60s quartet?which birthed My Favorite Things, Ole and A Love Supreme?is the tombstone accomplishment. Playing almost counter to the elegant near-chaos of Coltrane and pianist McCoy Tyner, Elvin Jones created some of the strangest and most beautiful polyrhythms of the era. At 76, the man can still make the drums sound like an avalanche with a pulse. Not to be missed. 131 W. 3rd St. (betw. MacDougal St. & 6th Ave.) 212-475-8592, 8 & 10:30, $20-$30.

Saturday

Chengwin Party

Why did the half-chicken/half-penguin cross the road? And why did it choose to cross Houston? Answers, p. 65.

Saint Nicholas Day

Before he starred in a series of 60s Claymation holiday specials, Santa Claus was a saint. And not just a saint, but a Dutch saint. No surprise that the land of legalized hash invented a flying fat man who gives out presents. Today, get back to the roots of Christmas, wooden shoes and all, at this Dutch colonial celebration. Saint Nicholas and something named Black Piet arrive by horseback at 2, and kid's activities and colonial music go on all afternoon. Wyckoff Farmhouse Museum, 5816 Clarendon Rd (betw. Ralph & East Flatbush Sts.), Brooklyn, 718-629-5400, 12 p.m., free.

Bill Clinton's Harlem

Why is the first black president gentrifying Harlem like Ernst and Young upper management? If Willy's a no-show, just tool around Harlem while Dr. Phil bemoans the death of his favorite cheap restaurants. Sponsored by Starbucks. Meet outside Bill Clinton's Office, 55 W. 125th St. (5th Ave.), 888-377-4455, 1:30, $15. 

Elvin Jones

Jazz giant Elvin Jones begins his week-long string of sets at the Blue Note tonight. Had Michigan native Jones merely had fruitful years with Benny Goodman and Charles Mingus, his place in history would be reserved. But his work with John Coltrane's 60s quartet?which birthed My Favorite Things, Ole and A Love Supreme?is the tombstone accomplishment. Playing almost counter to the elegant near-chaos of Coltrane and pianist McCoy Tyner, Elvin Jones created some of the strangest and most beautiful polyrhythms of the era. At 76, the man can still make the drums sound like an avalanche with a pulse. Not to be missed. 131 W. 3rd St. (betw. MacDougal St. & 6th Ave.) 212-475-8592, 8 & 10:30, $20-$30.

The Conversation

Francis Ford Coppola's 1974 sleeper was one of his greatest, most subtle and underappreciated films. Gene Hackman stars as a lonely surveillance expert who, after years of "just doing his job," starts to think about it a little too much. It's dark, it's downbeat, it's sad?and has even more to say today than it did in the Watergate years. With Cindy Williams, Frederic Forrest, Harrison Ford and the incomparable John Cazale. Part of the Coppola retrospective. Preceded by The Cotton Club at 2 and Peggy Sue Got Married at 4:30. American Museum of the Moving Image, 35 Ave. (36 St.), Astoria, 718-784-0077, 6:30, free w/adm.

Sunday

Al Green

Everybody gets laid tonight. The smoothest soul singer who ever was melts down the genteel environs and tiered theater seating of the Beacon Theater with soft yet unstoppable words of love. Minister Al might get to preaching, and you may not be able to get the back of Ving Rhames' head out of your mind during "Let's Stay Together." Otherwise, tonight's gonna be so smooth it'll defy the laws of physics. Plus, did we mention that you get laid? 2124 B'way (74th St.), 212-496-7070, 8, $43.50-$75.

Fetish Retinue Party

Tonight, S&M stands for Santa and Merry Christmas. The rubber- and leather-clad crowd set their sights on that most holy day of Christmas. Advertised by a human Christmas tree circled by sexy latex elves, it's the perfect opportunity to play in some reindeer role-playing games and put a twist on the Nutcracker Suite. Alphabet Lounge, 104 Ave. C (7th St.), 212-780-0202, 8, $5-$20.

Country Joe & the Outlaw Band

After his anti-Vietnam anthem "I Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag" roused the filthy throngs at Woodstock?Oh, shit, wait a minute. (Copy boy! Call research. Is this right?) Scratch that. This isn't Country Joe McDonald and the Fish, it's some other guy. But apparently he's a darn tootin' country music player in his own right, and his Freddy's Backroom gig is free, so what the heck. 485 Dean St. (6th Ave.), Brooklyn, 718-622-7035, 8:30, free.

Middle East Forum

Go and thank the man, or stand up during the q&a, point and scream "It's all your goddamn fault!" In the run-up to the Iraq invasion, Ken Pollack's hawkish tome The Threatening Storm made an influential case for war, and tonight the venerable wonk discusses the future of the Middle East along with David Makovsky and Hisham Melhem at the 92nd St. Y. The question officially on the table for the evening is a very pertinent, "Now what?" 1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-415-5500, 7:30, $25.

Elvin Jones

Jazz giant Elvin Jones begins his week-long string of sets at the Blue Note tonight. Had Michigan native Jones merely had fruitful years with Benny Goodman and Charles Mingus, his place in history would be reserved. But his work with John Coltrane's 60s quartet?which birthed My Favorite Things, Ole and A Love Supreme?is the tombstone accomplishment. Playing almost counter to the elegant near-chaos of Coltrane and pianist McCoy Tyner, Elvin Jones created some of the strangest and most beautiful polyrhythms of the era. At 76, the man can still make the drums sound like an avalanche with a pulse. Not to be missed. 131 W. 3rd St. (betw. MacDougal St. & 6th Ave.) 212-475-8592, 8 & 10:30, $20-$30.

Monday

Whether or Not to Autopsy

It's a question we ask ourselves on an almost daily basis, under any number of circumstances. Here, though, they're being a bit more specific. Are your parents insane, or do they have Alzheimer's? Do you really want to know? And if they have Alzheimer's, how the hell do you talk to them about stuff? They don't make any sense! Kassie Witte tells you how to cope with the zaniness long before that whole "autopsy" question comes up. Alzheimer's Association, NYC Chapter, 360 Lexington Ave., 5th fl. (betw. 40th & 41st Sts.), res. req. 212-983-0700, 6.

Tuesday

Jeff Bridges

The Dude signs Pictures, his new collection of photographs spanning 20-plus years of life on the set. Leave the doobies at home and put the Caucasians in a stadium cup. Jellies and bathrobes aren't required, but you might get an extra special "Best wishes, Jeff Bridges" for the effort. Proceeds from Pictures will be donated to the Motion Picture & Television Fund, which offers support to film-industry workers. Barnes & Noble, 600 5th Ave. (48th St.), 212-765-0592, 1, free.

B.B. King

Tonight B.B. King plays the B.B. King Blues Club. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the epicenter of the universe. 237 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-997-4144, 8, $70, $65 adv.

Tree Lighting & Singing

Missed Wednesday's Rockefeller Center tree-lighting hullabaloo? Good for you! It's dull, over-hyped crap, and the tree isn't nearly as big as it looks on television. Here's the real deal for Norman Rockwell-style holiday cheer. Performance-art and bad-weed mecca Washington Square is hosting a Yuletide festival, with a scheduled appearance by Santa Claus and the lighting of a "resplendent" tree. Then, a delightful All University Holiday Sing. Which we think means a bunch of college-kid castratos attempting to spread holiday cheer with song. Bring the very old and the very young. Washington Square Park, W. 3rd St. (B'way), 212-252-3621, 6, free.

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Jim Knipfel, Judy McGuire, Will Sherlin and Alexander Zaitchik.