WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY CMJ Music marathon This week, New York City is ...

CMJ Music marathon

This week, New York City is attacked by upwardly mobile musicians. They call it the CMJ MUSIC MARATHON. The bands' emotions veer from giddy expectation to crestfallen acceptance. See our listings (beginning on p. 49) for the complete schedule and p. 62 for Andy Wang's recommendations.

Shock-o-Rama

There's a certain kind of elemental force inherent in the suffix "o-rama." Or maybe it's just that we're used to seeing it with awesome stuff like exploitation movie festivals and strippers. Anyhow, trick-or-treat yourself to a screening of Terry West's 2003 low-budget occult-focused Flesh for the Beast. The shock-alicious live emcees will make it a night to remember-and dismember! Ouch! Video Theatre, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-868-4444, 7:30, $6, $3 st.

The Beatdown

Next Wednesday, watch Jeff Koyen beat the crap out of N. Scott "Noodlearms" Stedman, the editor of L magazine, New York City's latest fly-by-night freebie. The fight started as a bit of harmless teasing but turned into a bloodfeud after Koyen insulted Stedman's mother (who is, no doubt, a lovely and generous woman-at least when it comes to sexual favors for area teens).

The tentative line-up:

Jeff "K.O." Koyen vs. N. Scott "Dead Man" Stedman

Spencer "Cashyer Cheq" Sharp vs. Johnny "Ice Ice Baby" Diamond

Chris "Washboard" Murray vs. Rob "Bobbi" Whiteside

(More fights may be added.)

Tickets should've been set at $10, but the fuckwits at L took it upon themselves to advertise $5. Since all proceeds will go to charity, we ask that attendees bring an extra couple bucks to hand over. Donations of ice packs and painkillers will be greatly appreciated by Team Stedman.

Gleason's Gym, 83 Front St. (betw. Washington & Main Sts.), 718-797-2872, 7:30, $5.

Alan Colmes

Sean Hannity's punching bag will be getting some pride back appearing all grown-up and on his own. He's shilling his new traitorous tome, puntastically titled Red, White & Liberal: How Left Is Right & Right Is Wrong. Hold on to your bleeding heart, as it will beat faster and faster as Alan Colmes gets all "Yeah Sean. What? You wanna step to this?" Barnes & Noble, 600 5th Ave. (48th St.), 212-957-2890, 1, free.

THURSDAY

Crystal Gayle

Crystal Gayle is still alive! And she still has all that hair. The "Cousin It" of country singers continues her stint at Feinstein's tonight. Come armed with a flowbee-bring her into the 80s. Feinstein's at the Regency, 540 Park Ave. (61st St.), 212-339-4095, 8:30, $50 & $30 min.

The Pharcyde

Although she may, indeed, keep passing you by, there is no reason why the Pharcyde should do the same. They're playing tonight at S.O.B.'s with People Under the Stairs and CunninLynguists. See p. 60 for more info.

Kaylie Jones

Her pop wrote The Thin Red Line; she wrote A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries. Not a bad double-generation authorial accomplishment. Tonight, Kaylie Jones reads at Barnes & Noble Astor Place, and on p. 63, Donald Breckenridge talks with the latest writer to say "no" to corporate publishing houses.

The Go

Buzz, especially CMJ buzz, can always backfire, as the band Aces High will testify. If memory serves, several "fests" ago the group's roadie/girlfriend/merch guy (some whispered the minx was also a blood relative) started this grass roots rumor that Aces was the act to see that year. Problem is, Aces High is a cover band. A Kiss cover band. That only performs Ace Frehley songs. You can imagine the public's response-they just weren't ready for it. That shouldn't be the case tonight for the Go, considering ex-member Jack White's success. So expect Lenny and Nicole to roll up casually during the opening set by Bedford Avenue U's own the Witnesses. Keith Richards, of course, will already be inside. Continental, 25 3rd Ave. (St. Marks Pl.), 212-529-6924, 10:30.

Parasol Power-Pop Night

The power-pop scene usually deserves pity-and even more so during a convention where generic gutter rockers have stolen the popsters' best school uniforms. Yet things still seem proudly diverse at the Parasol label's night of pop. Tractor Kings open with their inspired country moping, followed by Steve Almaas and Ali Smith's subdued acoustic beauty. Angie Heaton-doubling as Tractor King's drummer-also showcases her own charming skills as a cowgirl diva. Mark Bacino's The Million Dollar Milkshake is the first strong album of what's been a painful career, while the sultry Sukilove comes to painful terms with what it means to be Belgian and in love. The George Usher Group is another longtime New York act finally perfecting their West Coast folksiness. Orwell is elegant French pop that wisely ditches the 60s of their countrymen for good old American earnestness. Folksongs for the Afterlife, of course, are so innovative and languid that they can't be classified as power pop. Living Room, 154 Ludlow Street (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-533-7235.

FRIDAY

Zapatista Benefit

Viva! Zapatista! Andale, andale arriba! Oddly, it seems that the revolution will be televised, after all. Tonight, short videotaped documentaries including Radio Insurgente, about pirate EZLN radio project and The Struggle for Water, about a community's installation of a "gravity flow water system" will be shown. Also, music from the brilliantly named Puerto Rican hardcore band Ricanstruction. OfficeOps, 57 Thames St., 2nd fl. (betw. Morgan & Knickerbocker Aves.), Bushwick, 718-418-2509, 9, $10 sugg. don.

Meshell Ndegeocello

N-day-gay-O-chello. Friday and Saturday at B.B. King Blues Club & Grill. See p. 51.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Admittedly, we're not the biggest backers of Tim Burton's 1993 animated musical holiday tale. But the kids-especially the cute little goth kids-eat it up like pills and Red Bull. Rediscover why that black-nailpolished teenage hottie on your block has Jack the Pumpkin King on his/her lunchbox. Landmark Sunshine Cinema, 143 E. Houston St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 800-555-TELL, 12 a.m., $10, $6.50 s.c.

SATURDAY

Fat Day

Hanging out at a loft party last year, we were blindsided by this hyper-spaz quartet from Boston performing ultra-short oddities and intense, complicated, smirking rock. We also love the singer who sounds like he's on helium and their monster drummer, so come hear what rock music sounds like when it's not trite or plodding. Fluxcore, 340 Grand St. (betw. Havemeyer & Marcy Sts.), Williamsburg, 718-599-8640, 8, $5.

SUNDAY

Four Riveras

An evening of performance and open dialogue from four Puerto Rican writers. Poet Hector Luis Rivera and Louis Reyes Rivera, novelist Lucas Rivera and critic Raquel Z. Rivera-no relation to each other-present tonight at Bowery Poetry Club. 308 Bowery (Bleecker St.), 212-614-0505, 8, $7 don.

Creepshow at the Freakshow

The Coney Island, USA haunted house is always a doozy, but this year's is doozier than most, based as it is on an old exhibit-one that (legend has it) was up and running at Coney for nearly 40 years. In the early 1900s, one Dr. Couney created a notorious display of baby incubators, in which premature, sickly and deformed infants were put on display for the curious (and paying) public. So as you're being led through the cobweb-strewn old sideshow building's shadowy nooks and crannies, be expecting ghouls, witches and lots of dead-baby jokes. Bring the kids! Coney Island Museum, 1208 Surf Ave. (W. 12th St.), 718-372-5159, 8, $7.50/$5 child. under 12.

MONDAY

Steve Earle & the Dukes, Garrison Starr

Now that Johnny Cash is the Dead Man in Black, Steve Earle has become by default the most badass man in country music. Like Cash, though, Steve's music only passes as country to the untrained ear. No discerning fan would put Earle's bitter growl in the same genre as Loretta Lynn and Tanya Tucker. And, Earle has a slight edge on Cash, as he really did do time. Not for shooting a man in Reno, but for drugs. Irving Plaza, 17 Irving Pl. (15th St.), 212-777-6800, 7, $30, $29.50 adv.

The Godfathers of Mondo

Filmmakers Franco Prosperi and Gualtiero Jacopetti scoured the globe to find the most bizarre examples of extreme human behavior ever caught on film. The result was the 1962 classic, Mondo Cane, which shocked grindhouse audiences the world over, single-handedly spawned a new genre and added a word to the lexicon. Together, they made four more mondo pictures before parting ways. Tonight, the Pioneer's Blue Mondays series premieres The Godfathers of Mondo, a new documentary about Prosperi and Jacopetti, on the eve of Blue Underground's release of an 8-disc DVD box set of Mondo films. Sure, they faked a lot of scenes for their movies-but who cares? Pioneer Theater, 155 East 3rd St. (Ave. A), 212-254-3300, 8, $9.

TUESDAY

UK Subs

You've been meaning to break the moth-eaten pair of bondage pants out of the closet for months now. This hunk of punk is the perfect excuse. Since their 1978 Stiff Records debut, well, UKSubs hasn't changed a bit. Except they are much, much older. Stand in the back of CBGB and squint; they'll look brand-new, unless the bass player's hip gives out while he's trying to pogo or something. With 76% Uncertain, Nihilistics, Toxic Narcotic, Spitfires United. CBGB, 315 Bowery (Bleecker St.), 212-982-4052, 7, $10.

Reclaiming the High Line

Imagine a New York City without cars. There are benefits, sure. With everybody a pedestrian, stalking would be that much easier. All that beautiful asphalt would be plain for the eye to behold. And all that vehicle-exhaust stink would be gone, leaving us free to enjoy industrial exhaust and the true stink of New York humanity. Joshua David explains how this beautiful "auto-free" can become true in New York at Reclaiming the High Line. NYPD Downtown Center, conference room, 104 Washington St. (Rector St.), 212-475-3394, 6, free.

Contributors: CXB, Adam Bulger, Sean Griffin, Jim Knipfel, Jeff Koyen, J.R. Taylor.