x
  1. Home
  2.  News

WEDNESDAY 3/3 WEDNESDAY 3/3 Cabaret Elvis ...

| 16 Feb 2015 | 06:34

    FACE="New York" SIZE=5>

    WEDNESDAY 3/3

    Cabaret

    Elvis Has Entered the Building! See dead-on impersonator of the side-burned king of rock 'n roll, occasionally all jazzed up in glitter & gold; Trailer Park Lounge, 271 W. 23rd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-463-8000; 8:30 & 10, free .

    Foot Festish & Trampling Party at a place that encourages you to be who you want w/whom you want?ladies free before 11. Dress code enforced; Flesh Theater, 219 2nd Ave. (betw. 13th & 14th Sts.) 9 p.m.-4 a.m., $5-$15.

    Sunny Leigh's Opera Night Soprano Sunny Leigh sings arias & popular Italian songs w/Sheldon Forrest on piano; Buona Sera, 94 University Pl. (12th St.), 212-627-9200; 7-9, free .

    Lucky Stiff "sucks you into a netherworld where you will be seduced by clowns & sexy sword swallowing strippers"?better leave the kids at home; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 9, $11.

    Man Wanted! Selby Brown & Ben West showcase a number of torch songs & showtunes in "the ultimate diva revue"; Center Stage, 48 W. 21st St., 4th fl. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves), 718-274-7966; 8, $40 [repeats Thurs. & Fri. at 8, Sat. at 2 & 8, Sun. at 2 & 7].

    Norman's Big Night Out Norman Gosney pres. vaudeville reminiscent of Moulin Rouge (minus Nicole Kidman)?feat. singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats, jugglers & fire workers; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 9:30, $25.

    Open Performance Night First 10 people who sign up get 10 minutes to do anything, from dance & poety to fiction & music?no stand-up; Dixon Place, 258 Bowery St., 2nd fl. (betw. Houston & Prince Sts.), 212-219-0736; 9, free .

    Comedy

    Addicted Billed as a "comedy of substance" & directed by Bruce Balaban, Mark Lundholm's one-man show takes on fatherhood & drug addiction; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; 8, $40 [repeats Thurs., Fri. & Tues. at 8, Sat. at 5 & 8, Sun. at 3 & 7].

    Alien Comic/Jack Bump It's a Battle Royale feat. Alien Comic & his evil twin Jack Bump?get ready for "an evening of rudeness"; the Marquee, 356 Bowery (betw. Great Jones & E. 4th Sts.), 212-475-1975; 7:30, $10.

    Boxed Laughter Stand-up comedy solves all your problems w/laughter; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 8, $5 & 1 drink min.

    Comedy Therapy Maureen Marren cures you w/laughs from nationally known comics; Otto's Shrunken Head, 538 E. 14th St. (betw. Aves. A & B), 212-228-2240; 10, free .

    Jim David stand-up; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 7:30, $17 & 2 drink min.

    Mitch Fatel stand-up; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $16.50 & 2 drink min.

    Invite Them Up Original stand-up hosted by Eugene Mirman & Bobby Tisdale; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 8, $5 sugg. don.

    Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Keith Robinson, Dov Davidoff, Godfrey & Robert Kelly; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10-$15 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 9 & 11, Fri. at 9, 10:45 & 12:30 a.m., Sat. at 7:30, 9:15, 11 & 12:45 a.m.].

    Joan Rivers "Raunchy, politically incorrect evening" of stand-up from the trendsetting plastic surgery poster lady?proceeds benefit God's Love We Deliver & Guide Dogs For the Blind; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 8, $25.

    Greg Rogell performs stand-up w/Jessica Kirson, Richie Byrne, Sherrod Small & Pete Correale; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50-$20 [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 8:45, Fri. at 8:30 & 10:30, Sat. at 8, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m.].

    "The Unspeakable Act" Hysterical take on an ancient Japanese fairytale of sexual awakening; NY Comedy Club, 241 E. 24th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-696-5233; 8, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. & Fri.].

    Dance

    nicholasleichterdance Sounds like an alright blend of modern, hiphop, jazz & street dance?but really, who benefits from that being one uncapitalized word? Certainly not the children!; the Duke, 229 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-415-5552; 8, $20, $15 st./s.c. [repeats Thurs. & Sat. at 8, Sun. at 2 & 7].

    Kate Weare & Karl Anderson pres. "A Picture and a Thousand Words," for what it's worth; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7, $20 [repeats Thurs.].

    THURSDAY 3/4

    Cabaret

    The Barrel Brothers Big Apple Show New variety show fresh off a hugely successful run?in Kansas?!?; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; 8, $5.

    "Hello Boys" Michael Conley & Matthew Loren Cohen sing original songs in a hilarious musical comedy examining the "life of a performer living in NYC"; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min.

    The Ixion Burlesque Show Come see where Greek mythology meets tassle-twirling burlesque as the Ixion crew pres. The Pleiades; Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. (Stanton St.), 212-253-7246; 10, $7.

    "The Rat Pack Review" No, not P. Diddy & Ashton Kutcher! Kevin James & Frank Bray perform hits by the real boys, "ol' blue eyes" & the dashing Dean?plus, comedy from Al Del Bene; Nolita Tavern, 30 Spring St. (Mott St.), 917-237-1901; 9 & 11, free .

    Starshine Burlesque Master Jack Fetterman & the Meat Mistress join Dirty Martini & Eva Svensson; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 10, $5.

    Comedy

    Automatic Vaudeville Weekly comedy/variety show w/Hilly & Gavin Souchet; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 10, $5.

    Comedy Soapbox It's an open mic, so anybody can get up on the stand-up soapbox; Nevada Smith's, 74 3rd Ave. (betw. 11th & 12th Sts.), 212-982-2591; 9, free .

    Nick DiPaolo Tough Crowd regular gets offensive w/stand-up; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 8, $21.50-$26.50 & 2 drink min. [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8 & 10, Sun. at 8].

    Homo Comicus requests the honor of your presence at the gayest wedding ever, as comics Mimi Gonzalez, Marion Grodin, Jessica Kirson & Adam Sank join their beloved audience in comic connubial bliss; Gotham Comedy Club, 34 W. 22nd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-367-9000; 8:30, $12 & 2 drink min.

    Ed Lover & Friends Yo! MTV Raps host brings the whole crew down for some laughs?what about Dre?; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 10, $19.50-$22.50 & 2 drink min. [repeast Fri. & Sat. at 12:30 a.m., Sun. at 10].

    Thursday Night Comedy Show Hogwild hosts a set of new comics each week; Hiroko's Place, 75 Thompson St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts.), 212-625-1303; 8, 1 item min.

    Uncensored Comedy Greg Wilson pres. great line-up of comedians, incl. Dustin Chafin, Ted Alexandro, Laura Levites & Jim Norton; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 9:30, $4 & 1 drink min. [repeats Fri. at 11:30, Sat. at 8:30, Mon. & Tues. at 9:30].

    Dance

    Anita Cheng Dance pres. latest City/Dans project, "Open Order"; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 8:30, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sun.].

    "Echoes of Relics" "Two women have combined creative forces to give insight to the courageous search for truth. The search for truth transcends all cultures, all ages, all time. The time is now."?Wait, when is the time?; Williamsburg Art neXus, 205 N. 7th St. (betw. Driggs Ave. & Roebling St.), Williamsburg, 718-599-7997; 8, $18, $15 st./s.c. [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    Sally Gross Take on her, take her on, she'll be gone?"Aha" & two other new works; Joyce Soho, 155 Mercer St. (betw. Houston & Prince Sts.), 212-334-7479; 8, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sun.].

    Slam Show-Home Series III "Part X-Games, part circus, part modern dance, all..."?we don't know what the fuck they're talking about!; S.L.A.M., 51 N. 1st St. (betw. Kent & Wythe Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-218-9553; 7, $15 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    FRIDAY 3/5

    Cabaret

    Anna Bergman Chanteuse performs her acclaimed show "Across a Crowded Room," feat. favorites & old classics; Stanhope Park Hyatt, 995 5th Ave. (betw. 80th & 81st Sts.), 212-650-4737; 8:30, $40 & $25 min. [repeats Sat.].

    Floating Vaudeville Night Lounge lizard Von Von Von hosts tango-trapezeing, rowdy, raunchy fun?"ya gonna luv it"; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 10 p.m.-1 a.m., $5.

    Get Up & Jive: Even More Songs of Joni Mitchell w/Obie winner John Kelly; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; Fri. & Sat. at 8, $20 [through 3/27].

    Happy Hour Salon Singer-comic Joanna Parson hosts salon feat. Mark Lundholm ("Addicted"), monologuist Carl Kissin, burlesque performer Flaming Vic, comic group the Knuckleheads & Tracy Dawson; Siberia, 356 W. 40th St. (9th Ave.), 212-333-4141; 6, $5.

    The Karaoke Show The Donkey Show creators bring you their rendition of The Comedy of Errors?feel free to rock the mic or grind after the show; China Club, 268 W. 47th St. (8th Ave.), 212-398-3800; 7, $35-$55 [repeats Sat.].

    Treats, Treasures, Little Pleasures Dancenow/NYC's cabaret show, feat. Barry Blumenfled, Eric Bradley, Jeanine Durning, Clare Byrne, Pat Catterson & Sean Curran; Joe's Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (betw. E. 4th St. & Astor Pl.), 212-539-8778; 7, $15 [repeats Sat.].

    Comedy

    Comedy Hang Suite Come hang w/host Wil Sylvince & Sherrod Small, Robert Kelly & Patrice O'Neal; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 9, $10 & 2 drink min.

    Gilligan's Island: the Lost Episodes Marc Adam Smith directs cast of castaways through totally unauthorized parody of the series, revealing secrets incl. how Mrs. Howell packed all her clothes for the three-hour tour; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $10, $8 adv.

    Komedy Kebob Tim Brennan & Pat Rigby host weekly stand-up night?"come for the comedy, stay for the strippers"; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 7, free .

    The McKellog Report Improv show feat. "news you can't trust"; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 8:30, $7.

    The Next Big Broadway Musical Imrovised two-act musical comedy, where audience participation is a must; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 9, $10 & 2 drink min.

    No Relation Comedy Show Hosts Anthony & Joe DeVito bring Susie Felber, Todd Levin & Jo Caufield to the pub; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 9, free .

    Off the Top of Our Heads Fast-paced, short-form improv from one of the city's best groups; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7, $7 [repeats Sat. at 7].

    Piece of Bullshit Pie "The truth is bitter?bullshit pie is delicious!"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; 8, $7.

    "Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You" Improv/sketch comedy in "talk show" format explores the subject of "obsessions & deep-down hidden feelings"; the Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave. (48th St.), 212-382-8818; 10, $8, $6 st./s.c.

    Ray Ellin hosts stand-up feat. Sue Costello, Tim Young, JJ Ramirez, Keri Louise & Kurt Metzger; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 8:30, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.

    Sweet Paprika Ophira Eisenberg & Allison Castillo host this weekly comedy show w/special guests; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 8:30, $5.

    3-Way Mexican Lei Try the Berkovits wit & the nachos grande?also, stand-up from Floridian Duncan Jay & Long Islander Allegra Barnett; Maui Tacos, 330 5th Ave. (betw. 32nd & 33rd Sts.), 212-868-9720; 8, 6:30 sign-up, 1 item min.

    Dance

    The Peggy Spina Tap Co. pres. "Idiosyncrasy," feat. dancers from Dallas to Tokyo in an intimate setting; Spina Loft, 115 Prince St. (betw. Greene & Wooster Sts.), 212-674-8885; 8, $20 [repeats Sat. at 6 & 8:30].

    SATURDAY 3/6

    Cabaret

    "Coney Island Freak Show" feat. classic freaks & human curiosities incl. fire & sword swallower Tyler Fyre, bug eater Insectivora, python charmer Serpentina & glass muncher Professor Scott Baker?plus dirty jokes & legions of strippers; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 10, $15.

    Judy Garland & Liza Minnelli Live! Dead-on impersonations of Judy & Liza by Tommy Femia & Christine Pedi; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 11, $20 & 2 drink min.

    Sinatra Saturdays Cary Hoffman performs Sinatra classics w/the Stan Rubin Orchestra; Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-957-9676; 8 & 10, $30 & 2 drink min.

    Va Va Voom Room Miss Astrid's erotic night of burlesque, va va vaudeville, strippers, magicians & clowns returns w/dancer Julie Atlas Muz, Tigger the stripper & fire chief Kari Dexter; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 10:30, $18 & 2 drink min.

    Comedy

    The Brooklyn Brew-Ha-Ha Ritch Duncan runs the show feat. Ophira Eisenberg, Larry Getlen, Pat O'Shea, Jason Good, Robert Cohen, Jason Reich, Kyria Abrahams, Abby Scott & Susan Prekel; Boudoir Bar at East End Ensemble, 273 Smith St. (betw. Sackett & Degraw Sts.), Carroll Gardens, 718-624-8878; 9:30, $5 & 2 drink min.

    Tracy Morgan & John Witherspoon Witherspoon played Ice Cube's curmudgeon, dog catching father in the Friday movies & we think he's a comic genius?SNL star Morgan headlines; Apollo Theater, 253 W. 125th St. (betw. Frederick Douglass & Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. Blvds.), 212-531-5303; 7 & 10, $16-$22.

    No Name & a Bag o' Chips "NYC's best damn comedy/variety show" gives away free bags of chips, raffles off door prizes & tells a lot of jokes; Common Basis Theater, 750 8th Ave. (46th St.), 212-414-5420; 11:30, free .

    Poole Party! Ron Poole hosts long-running comedy/variety show feat. Rahul Siddharth, Debbie Rabbai, Andrea Roman, Shelagh Ratner, Vidur Kapur & more!; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min. [through 3/27].

    "Rock 2: The New Rock Albers Show" MAC award-winner returns w/musical parodies of James Bond, Britney Spears, The Golden Girls & Oklahoma, the state, performed in a Brooks Brothers suit, paired w/fuzzy pink bunny ears; Duplex, 61 Christopher St. (7th Ave.), 212-255-5438; 5, $10 & 2 drink min.

    Dance

    Les Ballets Africains Africa's most accomplished co. celebrates its 50th anniversary w/a NYC premiere; Brooklyn Center for the Performing Arts, Brooklyn College, Campus Rd. (Flatbush Ave.), Bklyn, 718-951-4500; 8, $40.

    Dance Improv Game Show Non-competitive, interactive game show where families shape the dance; Kitchen, 512 W. 19th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-255-5793, www.thekitchen.org; 2 p.m., $10.

    SUNDAY 3/7

    Cabaret

    Julie Gold HBO secretary, turned songwriter & cabaret star, does her thing on the mic; Makor, 35 W. 67th St. (betw. Columbus Ave. & Central Park W.), 212-601-1000; 7:30, $15.

    Comedy

    Damaged Care Is there a singing doctor in the house? Musical meds Greg LaGana & Barry Levy take on healthcare in the U.S.; Danny's Skylight Room, 346 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-265-8133; 2, $10 & $10 min.

    Friends & Family Kick off the week on a gentle note, when Josh Haness hosts comedy night w/a "friendly & familial atmosphere"; Beauty Bar, 231 E. 14th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-539-1389; 8, free .

    Jamapalooza II: The Wrath of Khan Three hours of improv from all of Gotham's groups?it's the Apocalypse Now Redux of improv; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7 , $5.

    Laugh Sucka! or they'll bust a cap in yo' ass! Melanie Klein hosts stand-up from Tom McCaffrey, Donny Moss, Michelle Maclay, Ray Rivera, Joe Polacik, Brian Elliott, Molly Reisner, Amy Mahfouz & Melanie Klein; Via Della Pace, 48 E. 7th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-253-5803; 7, 1 drink min.

    Eugene Mirman is so funny he's opened up for Modest Mouse & the Shins?now he's splitting sides on the Lower East; Pianos, 158 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-505-3733; 8, $7.

    Pussy Hut Come celebrate the fact that Todd Montesi's raw Sunday night stand-up showcase is still around!; Village Ma, 107 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-529-3808; 9:00, 1 drink min.

    MONDAY 3/8

    Cabaret

    Good Jewish Girls Gone Bad Goddess Perlman hosts regulars, incl. poet Vanessa Hidary, songwriter Michelle Citrin, comedian Cynthia Levin & the Shiksa Dancers, & special guests; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 9:30, $12.

    Harold Arlen: From Stormy Weather to Over the Rainbow Just a singer until he met Yip Harburg, Johnny Mercer & Ira Gershwin, Arlen gave the world hits like "Come Rain or Come Shine," "It's Only a Paper Moon" & "Get Happy"; the New-York Historical Society, 2 W. 77th St. (Central Park W.), 212-873-3400; 7, $20-$30.

    Jackie Hoffman He's back w/more to complain about. Kvetching alongside pianist Dave Brunetti, under the direction of Michael Schiralli; Joe's Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (betw. E. 4th St. & Astor Pl.), 212-539-8778; 7:30, $20.

    Monday Evening Burlesque Julie Atlas Muz pres. classic, tassle-twirling fun w/Harvest Moon & Polly Peabody; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 9:30, free .

    Purim Cabaret "Enjoy a wild and wonderful night as some of New York's leading Broadway and Off-Broadway artists give a new life to the old tradition of the Purimspiel"?indeed!; JCC, 334 Amsterdam Ave. (76th St.), 646-505-5708; 7, $15-$20.

    Show & Tell Those crazy O'Debra Twins host a "wet & wild open mic" as performers "have seven minutes in heaven to do whatever the heck they want"; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; 10, $3.

    Comedy

    "Blue Mondays" Tony Woods pres. super stand-up from Todd Lynn, Dean Edwards, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Dawnel Rawlings & Rondel Hartley; Boston Comedy Club, 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-477-1000; 9:30, $5 & 1 drink min.

    Eating It Colette Hawley hosts special show feat. 50 comics in 50 minutes, incl. all your faves & then some!; Luna Lounge, 171 Ludlow St. (betw. Houston & Stanton Sts.), 212-260-2323; 8:30, $8 incl. free drink.

    Initial Stages Production built around works-in-progress, incl. stand-up, sketches, one-person shows & improv; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; 9, $5.

    Rob Magnotti performs stand-up alongside Carrie Caravas, Steve Marshall, Steve Byrne & Greg Rogell; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50 [repeats Tues.].

    Morrison Hotel "An intimate encounter with intelligent & alternative comedy" feat. host John Morrison, Marc Maron, Jessi Klein, Danny Cohen, Tom McCaffrey, Liam McEneaney, Will McKinley, Greg Contreras & Daniel Tassew; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 8, $8 incl. free drink.

    New Talent Night Stand-up comedy from fresh new talent; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 7 & 9:30, $15 & 2 drink min.

    Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Dan Naturman, Jim Norton, Godfrey & Kevin Brennan; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Tues. at 9 & 11].

    WANTED "or: How to Undermine the Status Quo with Wheelchairs, Cereal, and Puppets"?Mohamed Fathelbab's sketch show is doubled-billed w/"God is Cool"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; 9:30, $5.

    Dance

    Dance Jam Children's Aid Society's weekly improvisational event is open to all forms of movement & movers w/or w/out background in modern or other dance forms, contact improv, martial arts, acting, or release techniques?beginners, disabled, all are welcome; Children's Aid Society, 219 Sullivan St. (betw. W. 3rd & Bleecker Sts.), 212-254-3074; 8:15, $8.

    TUESDAY 3/9

    Comedy

    The Liam & Becky Fun-Time Happiness Hour Alternative comedy is in the house w/Kyria Abrahams, Dan Cronin, Becky Donahue, Rachel Feinstein, Liam McEneaney, Susan Prekel, Paul Sullivan, Jessica Wood & Rena Zager; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 8, $10.

    New Class Clowns Go back to school w/host Bryan Kennedy & his funny cohorts; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $12 & 2 drink min.

    Shirts & Shots Comedy Show w/sketch troupe The Accident Crew & musical comedy by The Cooper Vane; Siberia, 356 W. 40th St. (9th Ave.), 212-333-4141; 8, $5.

    The Tuesday Show Jessi Klein, Todd Womack & Bobby Tisdale bring the pain w/host Tom Shillue; the Marquee, 356 Bowery (betw. Great Jones & E. 4th Sts.), 212-475-1975; 8.

    Dance

    Nederlands Dans Theater rings in spring w/five U.S.-premieres, incl. two programs highlighting Jiri Kylian's choreography; BAM Opera House, 30 Lafayette Ave. (Ashland Pl.), 718-636-4100; 7:30, $20-$60.

    THEATER

    IN PREVIEWS

    Johnny Guitar "A new musical based on the 1954 cult film favorite"; Century Center for the Performing Arts, 115 E. 15th St. (betw. Park & 3rd Aves.), 800-490-1175; call for times & prices [opens 3/23].

    Open Heart "New musical [takes] comic look at how we discover and determine life's priorities"; Cherry Lane Theater, 38 Commerce St. (Bleecker St.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $50 [opens 3/17, through 4/25].

    Silent Laughter Pre-talkie cinema w/live music, pratfalls, pranks, pies in the face, sultry vamps, little tramps & a conundrum of Keystone Cops; Lamb's Theater, 130 W. 44th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices [opens 3/18].

    True West The very sexy Sam Shepard's tale of two very different brothers; Baruch College, 17 Lexington Ave. (23rd St), 212-387-1136; call for times, $15 [opens 3/6, through 3/21].

    RECENTLY OPENED

    All About Sneakers "An old-fashioned story of love"; Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St. (Washington St.), 212-502-0318; call for times, $15 [through 3/24].

    Aunt Dan and Lemon Wallace Shawn, star of Princess Bride, co-author of My Dinner with Andre & son of famed New Yorker editor William Shawn, offers new production of his "political horror story"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times, $50 [through 3/27].

    Autobahn Evening of staged readings from Neil Labute's work feat. Brian Dennehy, Amanda Peet, Paul Rudd, Susan Sarandon & more; Little Shubert Theater, 422 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; 8, $125-$200.

    The Barksdale Confession playing in repertory w/The Philosopher's Joke; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; call for times, $15, $10 st. [through 3/13].

    Big Bill "Bill Tilden was considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, dominating the sport in the 1920s by winning seven U.S. championships. He was also a closeted homosexual"; Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater, 150 W. 46th (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.) call for times, $60 [through 2/25] [through 5/16].

    Bug "A hallucinatory tale of pests and paranoia [this] dark comedy explor[es] the themes of isolation and delusion"; Barrow Street Theatre, 27 Barrow St. (7th Ave.), 212-868-4444; Weds.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, Sun. at 7:30, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, $40-$50.

    Carnival Knowledge "A gasp-inducing journey into the subculture of circus and sideshow"; Soho Playhouse, 15 Vandam St. (6th Ave.), 212-691-1555; call for times, $35-$45.

    Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Starring Ashley Judd, Jason Patric & Ned Beatty; Music Box Theatre, 239 W. 45th St. (6th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $86.25-$66.25.

    Dolphin Up a Tree Children's musical feat. Tina Talkington, who turns herself into many things incl. a dolphin & a tree; 78th Street Theater Lab, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-873-9050; Sun. at 11 a.m., $12.95 [through 4/8].

    Double Infidelity Neoclassical farce by Marivaux; Theatre 80, 80 St. Mark's Pl. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-598-9802; call for times, $75 [through 3/21].

    The Duchess of Malfi Always reminds one of that English class in college where your gay-male peer grabbed your face & kissed you open-mouthed to "prove a point about the text"...a remark that nobody, incl. the professor, understood?right, girls?; St. Peter's Church, 346 W. 20th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-691-6263; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.

    Dysteria, Family Idol & Home as part of a three-week festival; Arclight Theater, 152 W. 71st St. (betw. B'way & Columbus Ave.), 212-787-8716; call for times & prices [through 3/21].

    The Falcon's Magic Feather Children's theater piece about princess & enchanted falcon based on Russian folklore; Vital Theatre Co., 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-592-0129; mats. Sat. at 1, Sun. at 1 & 3, $14 [through 3/28].

    Fiddler on the Roof Alfred Molina stars as Tevye...although you can get the same thing, plus potato pancakes & a smokin' version of "Satisfaction" over at Sammy's Roumanian on Chrystie Street; Minskoff Theatre, 200 W. 45th St. (7th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times.

    Golda's Balcony Tova Feldshuh portrays "the rise of Golda Meir from impoverished Russian schoolgirl to prime minister"; Helen Hayes Theatre, 240 W. 44th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices.

    Gutenberg: The Musical! "The true story of Johann Gutenberg?the man who invented the printing press" (shit, we thought this was about Police Academy cadet, Steve); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; Weds. at 8.

    Jack! Family-friendly "rock-bluegrass musical based on the Appalachian version of the medieval fairy-tale, Jack and the Beanstalk"; Looking Glass Theater, 422 W. 57th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-307-9467; call for times, $12, $10 child [through 4/10].

    The King of Mackie Street "In a small town in Southern Ireland, Francis McKeon, once proudly known as the King of Mackie Street, desperately tries to pick up the pieces as his world crumbles around him"; Vital Theatre Co., 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-592-0129; Weds.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sat. at 3, $15, $10 st. [through 3/6].

    Lobby Hero A "New York morality play"; Gallery Players, 199 14th St. (betw. 4th & 5th Aves.), Park Slope, 718-595-0547; call for times, $12-$15 [through 3/7].

    Matt & Ben "What if the only thing standing between you and destiny was Ben Affleck?"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; call for times, $22.50.

    Max Morath: Ragtime and Again Songs of Scott Joplin, Eubie Blake, Hoagy Carmichael, George Gershwin & Irving Berlin; York Theatre, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-615-6966; call for times, $50 [through 3/14].

    Menopause The Musical "is the parody that chronicles the meeting of four women at a lingerie sale in Bloomingdale's fighting over a black lace bra with nothing in common but memory loss, hot flashes, night sweats, chocolate binges, wrinkles, plastic surgery, hormones, not enough sex, too much sex, and much more"; Playhouse 91, 316 E. 91st St. (2nd Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times & prices.

    Mercury: The Afterlife and Times of a Rock God One-man show all about everyone's favorite Queen, Freddy Mercury; the Triad, 158 W. 72nd St. (betw. Amsterdam & Columbus Aves.), 212-362-2590; Sun. at 7, $30 [through 3/21].

    A Midwinter's Tale Kenneth Branagh's "Spinal Tap for the Shakespearean set"; Producer's Club II, 616 9th Ave. (betw. W. 43rd & W. 44th Sts.), 212-868-4444; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 2 [through 3/14].

    Moms "Veteran stage and television actress Clarice Taylor is resurrecting America's first female stand-up comedienne, Jackie "Moms" Mabley, for the off-Broadway stage"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times & prices.

    Moo! The Twisted Tale of Dinky Farms "Animal Farm meets 'Looney Tunes'"; Manhattan Theatre Source, 177 MacDougal St. (W. 8th St.), 212-501-4751; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.

    The Moonlight Room Two highschool students spend Saturday night waiting in the ER for news of a friend?we've all been there!; Samuel Beckett Theatre, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $45, $15 st.

    The Musical of Musicals?The Musical! "In a comic satire of musical theater genres, one story becomes five musicals, each in the distinctive style of a different master of the form, from Rodgers and Hammerstein to Stephen Sondheim"; St. Peter's Church, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-935-2200; call for times, $20-$50.

    My Big Gay Italian Wedding Needless to say, the plot revolves around a few obstacles to a traditional Catholic affair...; Actor's Playhouse, 100 7th Ave. S. (betw. Bleecker & Christopher Sts.), 212-239-6200; Fri. at 10, mat. Sat. at 3, $40 [through 5/29].

    My Life with Albertine Musical based on Remembrance of Things Past; Playwrights Horizons, 416 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; Weds.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, Sun. at 7:30, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, $15-$60 [through 3/13].

    No Exodus "A barefoot and stuttering Shepard is approached by God and asked to go back to Egypt to confront the powerful Pharaoh. Armed with little more than a phrase, 'I am that I am,' he unhappily obliges"; John Houseman Theater, 450 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-206-1515; call for times & prices.

    The Nuclear Family You decide which family member each of these three men portray, they make up the songs; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $20.

    The Pagans "County Clare, Ireland: the Riordan family's elder son returns home with his sexy American wife and throws the household into turmo