WEDNESDAY 1/28 WEDNESDAY 1/28 Cabaret Elvis ...

WEDNESDAY 1/28

Cabaret

Elvis Has Entered the Building! See dead-on impersonator of the side-burned king of rock 'n roll, occasionally all jazzed up in glitter & gold; Trailer Park Lounge, 271 W. 23rd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-463-8000; 8:30 & 10, free .

Lucky Stiff "sucks you into a netherworld where you will be seduced by clowns & sexy sword swallowing strippers"?better leave the kids at home; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 9, $11.

Norman's Big Night Out Norman Gosney pres. vaudeville reminiscent of Moulin Rouge (minus Nicole Kidman)?feat. singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats, jugglers & fire workers; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 9:30, $25.

Comedy

Boxed Laughter Stand-up comedy solves all your problems w/laughter; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 8, $5 & 1 drink min.

Funny Business Corporate life is dressed down when David Moore takes on the business world; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 7, $20.50 & 2 drink min.

GAWK II Second-annual theater & music festival pres. singer, Leah Siegel (7 p.m.), sketch comedy show, "Moustache McFadden Saves the World" (8) & blues performance piece, "Episodes in Blue" (10); the Belt Theatre, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-629-6572; $12.

Invite Them Up Original stand-up hosted by Eugene Mirman & Bobby Tisdale; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 8, $5 sugg. don.

Paul Mooney Comedian/writer Mooney (Sanford & Son, In Living Color) warms your cold January nights w/his hard-hitting, side-splitting observations on race; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $22.50-$28.50 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. at 10, Fri. & Sat. at 12:30 a.m.].

Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Jim Norton, Pete Correale, Godfrey & Dov Davidoff; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10-$15 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 9 & 11, Fri. at 9, 10:45 & 12:30 a.m., Sat. at 7:30, 9:15, 11 & 12:45 a.m.].

Joan Rivers Vulgar funny lady delivers "raunchy, politically incorrect evening" of stand-up & hopefully, some Golden Globes, behind-the-scenes secrets?proceeds benefit God's Love We Deliver & Guide Dogs For the Blind; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 8, $25.

Chris Rock hits town w/his Black Ambition Tour. Trumping Madonna's Blond Ambition w/in-your-face humor, excessive use of the word cracker & backup from opening acts, Slick Rick & Doug E. Fresh; Theater at Madison Square Garden, 32nd St. (7th Ave.), 212-301-7171; 8, $44-$64 [repeats Thurs.-Sat. & Mon.].

Greg Vacarello performs stand-up alongside Carrie Karavas, Pete Correale, Sherod Small & Steve Byrne; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50-$20 [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 8:45, Fri. at 8:30 & 10:30, Sat. at 8, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m.].

Dance

"Cracked" David Parker & the Bang Group spoof The Nutcracker?program continues w/"Slapstuck" & "Enough"; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7, $25 [repeats Thurs.-Sat.].

"Journey to Gold Mountain" H.T. Chen & Dancers pres. untold stories of the Chinese experience in America; Mulberry Street Theater, 70 Mulberry St. (Bayard St.), 212-349-0438; 10:30 a.m., $10, $5 st./s.c. [repeats Thurs. & Fri.].

Nayikas Dance Theater Co. pres. classical, yet contemporary, ensembles of multiethnic dancers from the South Asian Diaspora; Baruch Performing Arts Center, Nagelberg Theater, 250 E. 25th St. (Lexington Ave.), 212-387-1136; 8, $25, $18 st., $12 s.c. [repeats Thurs.].

THURSDAY 1/29

Cabaret

"The Rat Pack Review" No, not P. Diddy & Ashton Kutcher! Kevin James & Frank Bray perform hits by the real boys, "ol' blue eyes" & the dashing Dean?plus, comedy from Al Del Bene; Nolita Tavern, 30 Spring St. (Mott St.), 917-237-1901; 9 & 11, free .

Starshine Burlesque Master Jack Fetterman & the Meat Mistress join Dirty Martini & Eva Svensson; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 10, $5.

Comedy

Automatic Vaudeville Weekly comedy/variety show w/Hilly & Gavin Souchet; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 10, $5.

Comedy Soapbox Danny McDermott, Eddie Ifft & Betsy Wise join others up on the stand-up soapbox; Nevada Smith's, 74 3rd Ave. (betw. 11th & 12th Sts.), 212-982-2591; 9, $10.

Dane Cook can currently be seen at the multiplex in Stuck on You & Torque, but you can see him doing stand-up tonight, sans Ice Cube; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 8, $35-$37.50 & 2 drink min. [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8 & 10:30, Sun. at 8 & 10].

Marc Maron brings his manic, off-beat comedy to the stage?followed by an open mike, just in case you get inspired during his set; Leonard Nimoy Thalia, Peter Norton Symphony Space, 2537 B'way (95th St.), 212-864-5400; 8, $15.

Performance Class Show Ali Farahnakian & Ed Herbstman direct their students in different improv genres?come & watch; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 7, $6.

Put It In You! The Sex Ed Musical Julie Brister & Gideon Evans show you what happens when "two dorky middle school music teachers are forced to teach sex ed"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves), 212-366-9176; 8, $5.

"Revolutionary Chickens" Rob Lok's one-man comic take on his family's experiences escaping communist China; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 212-740-6022; 8, $10.

Thursday Night Comedy Show Hogwild hosts a set of new comics each week; Hiroko's Place, 75 Thompson St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts.), 212-625-1303; 8, 1 item min.

Dance

"It's My Party" An evening w/Ede Thurell, the Dancers of Creative Arts Studio & more; Clemente Soto Velez Cultural Center, 107 Suffolk St. (betw. Delancey & Rivington Sts.), 718-637-3527; 8, $12 [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8, Sun. at 7].

New York Flamenco Festival 2004 starts tonight w/benefit concert & performances all month; City Center, 131 W. 55th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-581-1212, flamencofestival.org; see website for times & prices.

FRIDAY 1/30

Cabaret

The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus Winter Cabaret Winter line-up of eclectic troupe of vaudeville virtuosos, feat. talented members of Ringling Bros. & Cirque du Soleil; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 11, $15 [repeats Sat., through 2/28].

Floating Vaudeville Night Von Von Von hosts tango-trapezeing, rowdy, raunchy fun feat. belly dancer Kasia, Luminosity & comedy from Mary Purdy?"ya gonna luv it"; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-782-5188; 10 p.m.-1 a.m., $5.

Happy Hour Salon Singer/comic Joanna Parson hosts performer salon feat. novelist Lynn Harris, singer Erica Ash, comic Rena Zager & singer-songwriter Julie Foldesi; Siberia, 356 W. 40th St. (9th Ave.), 212-333-4141; 6, $5.

The Karaoke Show The Donkey Show creators bring you their rendition of The Comedy of Errors?feel free to rock the mic or grind after the show; China Club, 268 W. 47th St. (8th Ave.), 212-398-3800; 7, $35-$55 [repeats Sat.].

Comedy

Comedy Soap Box Stand-up w/some of NYC's funniest, incl. Al Ducharme, Dominic Dierkes & Liam McEneaney?repeats Saturday w/different line-up; the Underground Lounge, 955 West End Ave. (107th St.), 212-531-4759; 10, $8.

Gilligan's Island: the Lost Episodes Marc Adam Smith directs cast of castaways through totally unauthorized parody of the series, revealing secrets incl. how Mrs. Howell packed all her clothes for the three-hour tour; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $10, $8 adv.

Komedy Kebob Tim Brennan & Pat Rigby host live comedy in da burg?if you still dare go; Bar 107, 107 N. 6th St. (betw. Berry & Wythe Sts.), Williamsburg, 718-302-3313; 8:30, free .

"Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You" Improv/sketch comedy in "talk show" format explores the subject of "obsessions & deep-down hidden feelings"; the Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave. (48th St.), 212-382-8818; 10, $8, $6 st./s.c.

Steal This Show "Guaranteed to change your life and give you at least one viable idea."; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 8, $6.

William Stephenson hosts stand-up feat. Kurt Metzger, Ellen Cleghorn, Rick Mann, Vanessa Hollingshead & Cory Kahaney; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 8:30, 10:30 & 12.30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.

3-Way Mexican Lei Try the Berkovits wit & the nachos grande?also, stand-up from Floridian Duncan Jay & Long Islander Allegra Barnett; Maui Tacos, 330 5th Ave. (betw. 32nd & 33rd Sts.), 212-868-9720; 8, 6:30 sign-up, 1 item min.

Dance

Food For Thought Tonight, see Susan Osberg's "Collective Conjunctions" feat. Kick Stand Dance & High Cliff?Sat. see Wally Cardona's "The Framework" & Sun., Heidi Latsky's "Taking Chances"?bring two cans of food & save five bucks; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 8:30, $10 [repeats Sat. & Sun.].

Kids Outback Original dance, theater & music from young creators aged 7-17; Brooklyn Arts Exchange, 421 5th Ave. (betw. 7th & 8th Sts.), Bklyn, 718-832-0018; 7:30, $8 [repeats Sat.].

SATURDAY 1/31

Cabaret

Glorya Wholesome's Living Legends feat. "Manhattan's top Madonna impersonator" The One Madiva, The Ravishing Miss Reality, The Gorgeous Gia, The Enticing Egypt & The Radiant Rajene. Living legends all; Now Bar, 22 7th Ave. S. (Leroy St.), 212-293-0323; 10, $15-$20.

Le Scandal Striptease, magic & sideshow acts put "downtown edge & dash of Coney Island" on nouveau burlesque & vaudeville show; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 10, $20.

Sinatra Saturdays Cary Hoffman performs Sinatra classics w/the Stan Rubin Orchestra; Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-957-9676; 8 & 10, $30 & 2 drink min.

Comedy

The Brooklyn Brew-Ha-Ha Bryan Olsen emcees stand-up by Todd Womack, Jessica Delfino, Debbie Shea & Andrew Donnelly; Boudoir Bar at East End Ensemble, 273 Smith St. (betw. Sackett & Degraw Sts.), Carroll Gardens, 718-624-8878; 9:30, $5 & 2 drink min.

Charity Comedy Jam Danny Cohen, Christian Finnegan, Andrea Rosen & Jason Sokoloff yuk it up to raise money for children affected by domestic abuse; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 917-701-5530; 10, $10.

Ray Ellin emcees stand-up from Kerry McNally, Tim Young, Johnny Lampert, Cory Kahaney, Ellen Cleghorn & JJ Ramirez; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 6, 8, 10:15 & 12.30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.

Ms. Jackson/Feathers & Flannel "Dripping wet gay improv"?just the way we like it?feat. Heather Gay, Lauren Palmigiano & Louie Pearlman; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 8, $8.

POD v2.4 See how low you can go, at long-form improv show, Mission: L.I.M.B.O., feat. Brad Barton, Lulu French & special guests; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 9, $7.

Poole Party! Ron Poole hosts comedy/variety show feat. stand-up & musical comedy from Maryanne Murray, Marci Lacenere, Liz Lark Brown, Amy Wolf, Vijai Nathan, Lisa Nunn, Nancy Witter & Sidney Myer; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min.

Dance

Draftwork: Works in progress from Joshua Bisset/SHUA Group & Hari Krishnan; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 3, free .

SUNDAY 2/1

Cabaret

Faceboyz Open Mike Night hits its 500th consecutive show?a party follows the following night (8 p.m., $5); Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; 8, $3.

Comedy

Gotham City Improv Shampoo Rinse Repeat, Crux, How Bazaar & pembo! groups in two-hour improv show; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $5.

Gotham City Sketch Ensemble New sketch comedy show; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 9:30, $5.

This and That Improv, music & stand-up are on tap in a "dirty 1950s variety show," hosted by Alison Blanche Mayer; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 9, $5 sugg. don.

Dance

Kate Gyllenhaal/MoCo pres. "Are We Here Yet?," three works exploring the concept of "home," which is where we'll be; 92nd St. Y, 1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-415-5500; 3, $10.

MONDAY 2/2

Cabaret

"Gowanus Vaudeville Try-Out" Singers, dancers, comedians, actors & jugglers compete for a place in the upcoming "classic" vaudeville show w/a "modern twist"; the Brooklyn Lyceum, 227 4th Ave. (betw. Union & President Sts.), Park Slope, 718-857-4816; 6:30, free .

Jackie Hoffman kvetches alongside pianist Dave Brunetti, under the direction of Michael Schiralli, who directs the complaints; Joe's Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (betw. E. 4th St. & Astor Pl.), 212-539-8778; 7:30, $20.

Monday Evening Burlesque Classic, tassle-twirling fun & gets naughty in the front room w/Amber Ray, Selena Vixen & Lady Ace; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-782-5188; 9:30, free .

Show & Tell The crazy O'Debra Twins host a "wet & wild open mic" as performers "have seven minutes in heaven to do whatever the heck they want"; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; 10, $3.

Comedy

Another Night of Shitty Theatre The Disgruntled Bit-players come uptown to satirize the worst of Broadway; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $3 & 2 drink min.

"Blue Mondays" Tony Woods pres. super stand-up from Todd Lynn, Dean Edwards, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Dawnel Rawlings & Rondel Hartley; Boston Comedy Club, 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-477-1000; 9:30, $5 & 1 drink min.

Jessica Delfino's One Woman Show... starring Jessica Delfino! Live and in person; UCB Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (8th Ave.), 212-366-9176; 9:30, $5.

Eating It Janeane Garofalo hosts alternative comedy show feat. Maria Bamford, Carlos Mencia & Patrice O'Neal; Luna Lounge, 171 Ludlow St. (betw. Houston & Stanton Sts.), 212-260-2323; 8:30, $8 incl. free drink.

Ed On Acid Pat O'Shea hosts stand-up feat. Comedy Central regulars, incl. James Patterson, Rusty Ward, Ophira Eisenberg, Tom McCaffrey, Amanda Melson, Dan Wright, Jon Freger, Allegra Barnett; Freddy's Backroom, 485 Dean St. (6th Ave.), Bklyn, 718-622-7035; 9:30, free .

Initial Stages Production built around works-in-progress, incl. stand-up, sketches, one-person shows & improv; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; 9, $5.

Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Nick Dipoalo, Gregg Rogell, Godfrey & Kevin Brennan; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Tues. at 9 & 11].

Sherrod Small performs stand-up w/Richie Byrne, Steve Marshall, Pete Correale & Carrie Karavas; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50 [repeats Tues. at 8:45].

TUESDAY 2/3

Cabaret

Dancing for Life Cabaret show produced by Joseph John feat. numbers from Broadway & film musicals?proceeds benefit dancers suffering from AIDS; Sam's, 263 W. 45th St. (8th Ave.), 718-672-6714; 8, $15 & $10 min.

Julie Gold Grammy winning composer of Lite FM classic "From a Distance" celebrates her birthday w/the gift of song; Duplex, 61 Christopher St. (7th Ave.), 212-255-5438; 7, free .

Lilly Lipid's Open Mic Variety Night Share the stage w/acrobats, jugglers, magicians, dancers, clowns, drag kings & queens, creepy mimes & aerialists, or just sit back & enjoy the madness; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 9:30, 9 sign-up, $5 [through 2/24].

Dance

"Double Feature" Susan Stroman's first full-length ballet; NY State Theater, 20 Lincoln Center, B'way (64th St.), 212-870-5570, tkts 212-307-7171; 7:30.

Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co. celebrates its 20th anniversary w/repertory works; BAM Opera House, 30 Lafayette Ave. (Ashland Pl.), 718-636-4100; 7:30, $25-$50.

THEATER

IN PREVIEWS

Fiddler on the Roof Alfred Molina stars as Tevye...although you can get the same thing, plus potato pancakes & a smokin' version of "Satisfaction" over at Sammy's Roumanian on Chrystie St.; Minskoff Theatre, 200 W. 45th St. (7th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times [opens 2/26].

The Stendhal Syndrome Isabella Rossellini & Richard Thomas star in latest by Terrence McNally; Primary Stages, 354 W. 45th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-333-4052; call for times & prices [opens 2/16].

RECENTLY OPENED

Aunt Dan and Lemon Wallace Shawn, star of Princess Bride, co-author of My Dinner with Andre & son of famed New Yorker editor William Shawn, offers new production of his "political horror story"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times, $50 [through 1/31].

Beckett/Albee Hear their monologues back to back & begin to wonder who plagarized whom; Century Center for the Performing Arts, 115 E. 15th St. (betw. Park & 3rd Aves.), 800-490-1175; call for times, $65 [through 2/1].

Birdy A new play by Naomi Wallace, adapted from the novel by William Wharton (which the Nick Cage film was based on); the Women's Project Theatre, 424 W. 55th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $45 [through 2/8].

Carnival Knowledge "A gasp-inducing journey into the subculture of circus and sideshow"; Soho Playhouse, 15 Vandam St. (6th Ave.), 212-691-1555; Thurs. & Fri. at 8, Sat. at 5 & 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $35-$45.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Starring Ashley Judd, Jason Patric & Ned Beatty; Music Box Theatre, 239 W. 45th St. (6th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $86.25-$66.25.

The Changeling Children's Theatre troupe puts on Harry Potter backlash play, about "an awkward fairy child who can't seem to fit in among the creatures of Fairyland. But when he's left behind in the human world, Alfred gets a chance to prove his worth and find a home at last"; Vital Theatre Co., 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-592-0129; mats. Sat. & Sun. at 1 & 3, $14 [through 2/15].

Christmas with Tommy Makem "joyous blend of festive holiday songs, poems and stories, including a reading of Dylan Thomas' A Child's Christmas in Wales"; Irish Repertory Theatre, 132 W. 22 St. (6th Ave.), 212-727-2737; call for times & prices.

Crown Heights "Inspired by the still unresolved events of 1991 in the neighborhood that became synonymous w/racial strife"; All Stars Project, 543 W. 42nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-941-1234; call for times, $25-$35 [through 3/7].

Demon Baby "An American couple move to London for his work where she knows few people and misses home...a lot. While he's away she is spurred to extreme and peculiar behavior by her anxiety?which shows up, sits on her chest and gives devilish advice"; Ohio Theater, 66 Wooster St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts.), 212-966-4844, 212-358-3657; call for times, $15, $10 st. [through 1/31].

Demonstration 2004 "a cultural biography of New York City's Castillo Theatre"; All Stars Project, 543 W. 42nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-941-1234; Fri. & Sat. at 7, mat. Sun. at 3, $25-$35 [through 2/15].

Dolphin Up a Tree Children's musical feat. Tina Talkington, who turns herself into many things incl. a dolphin & a tree; 78th Street Theater Lab, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-873-9050; Sun. at 11 a.m., $12.95 [through 4/8].

The Duchess of Malfi Always reminds one of that English class in college where your gay-male peer grabbed your face & kissed you open-mouthed to "prove a point about the text"...a remark that nobody, incl. the professor, understood?right, girls?; St. Peter's Church, 346 W. 20th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-691-6263; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.

Fiorello Pulitzer-Prize-hit musical comes to Staten Island; Snug Harbor Cultural Center, 1000 Richmond Terrace (Snug Harbor Rd.), Staten Island, 718-815-7684; Fri. & Sat. at 8, $25-$35.

Golda's Balcony Tova Feldshuh portrays "the rise of Golda Meir from impoverished Russian schoolgirl to prime minister"; Helen Hayes Theatre, 240 W. 44th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices.

Gutenberg: The Musical! "The true story of Johann Gutenberg?the man who invented the printing press" (shit, we thought this was about Police Academy cadet, Steve); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves), 212-366-9176; Weds. at 8 [through 2/25].

Kid Blanco By Will Eno (The Flu Season); Blue Heron Arts Center, 123 E. 24th St. (betw. Park Ave. S. & Lexington Ave.), 212-868-4444; call for times, $15.

The Lark "In this classic drama, which is surprisingly humorous, this fabled telling by Jean Anouilh about the life and legend of Joan of Arc is literally dramatized in front of Joan's persecutors"; Sanford Meisner Theater, 164 11th Ave. (betw. 22nd & 23rd Sts.), 212-543-9662; Weds.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $25 [through 2/1].

Lilia! Libby Skala plays her grandmother, a Hitler refugee turned zipper factory employee turned Broadway star; Eagles Dare Theatre, 347 W. 36th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; Mon. & Tues. at 7, $20 [through 2/3].

Little Pitfall "A dark comedy set in a mythical Czech forest about two sisters...and the sexual favors of a young ranger"; Theatre 54, 244-250 W. 54th St. (B'way) Weds.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $20, $16 st./s.c. [through 2/8].

The Mammy Project "Artist confronts the stereotype of mammy"; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; Sun. at 5, Mon. at 8, $15 [through 2/29].

Matt & Ben "What if the only thing standing between you and destiny was Ben Affleck?"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; call for times, $22.50.

Menopause The Musical "is the parody that chronicles the meeting of four women at a lingerie sale in Bloomingdale's fighting over a black lace bra with nothing in common but memory loss, hot flashes, night sweats, chocolate binges, wrinkles, plastic surgery, hormones, not enough sex, too much sex, and much more"; Playhouse 91, 316 E. 91st St. (2nd Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times & prices.

Moms "Veteran stage and television actress Clarice Taylor is resurrecting America's first female stand-up comedienne, Jackie "Moms" Mabley, for the off-Broadway stage"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times & prices.

Moo! The Twisted Tale of Dinky Farms "Animal Farm meets 'Looney Tunes'"; Manhattan Theatre Source, 177 MacDougal St. (W. 8th St.), 212-501-4751; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.

The Musical of Musicals?The Musical! "In a comic satire of musical theater genres, one story becomes five musicals, each in the distinctive style of a different master of the form, from Rodgers and Hammerstein to Stephen Sondheim"; St. Peter's Church, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-935-2200; call for times, $20-$50 [through 2/8].

My Big Gay Italian Wedding Needless to say, the plot revolves around a few obstacles to a traditional Catholic affair...; Actor's Playhouse, 100 7th Ave. S. (betw. Bleecker & Christopher Sts.), 212-239-6200; Fri. at 10, mat. Sat. at 3, $40 [through 2/28].

No Exodus "A barefoot and stuttering Shepard is approached by God and asked to go back to Egypt to confront the powerful Pharaoh. Armed with little more than a phrase, 'I am that I am,' he unhappily obliges"; John Houseman Theater, 450 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-206-1515; call for times & prices.

The Nuclear Family You decide which family member each of these three men portray, they make up the songs; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $20.

Nymph Errant "Cole Porter's own favorite among his many musicals"; Medicine Show, 549 W. 52nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-262-4216; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 4, $20, $15 st./s.c [through 2/15].

The Parrot New musical inspired by old Italian folktale as part of the "Give Us Your Children" series; the Flea Theater, 41 White St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-206-1515; call for times, $5-$20 [through 2/22].

Radiohole Is Still My Name "Radiohole and their half-brother Joe 'Shoot 'Em Up' Silovsky are up to their old tricks in this spaghetti docu-drama guest-starring Guy Debord"; Bucky's Fijian Lounge, 146 Metropolitan Ave. (Wythe Ave.), Williamsburg, 718-388-2251; call for times, $10 [through 1/31].

A Rockette's Tail Just in time for the holidays, but leave the kiddies at home; Eagles Dare Theatre, 347 W. 36th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; Sat. at 8, Sun. at 7, $20 [through 2/15].

Russian Strip Set in 1950s-era Soviet Union, about "Jebediah Hankering, an aging, alcohol-swilling reprobate, ensconced in a medical center by his self-righteous sister"?plays in conjunction w/An American Heart; Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St. (Washington St.), 212-502-0318; Mon. & Tues. at 8, $19 [through 2/3].

Sholom Aleichem?Now You're Talking! "Humorist and icon of Jewish literature will once again entertain a new generation with Saul Reichlin, international hit"; DR2 Theatre, 103 E. 15th St. (Park Ave. S.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $36 [through 2/1].

Sleepless Fishes "An elctro-accordian, pirate-puppet sea odyssey"?what, no shanties?; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; Fri. at 10, $7 [through 2/20].

Stampede Theatre Festival "Month-long, midtown staging of new works is downtown in spirit"; Trilogy Theater, 341 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-316-0400; call for times & prices [through 2/8].

Tangomania "A tango love triangle in music, song and dance"; Thalia Spanish Theatre, 41-17 Greenpoint Ave. (betw. 41st & 42nd Sts.), Sunnyside, 718-729-3880; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 4, $25-$30 [through 3/28].

The Seven Husbands of Harriet Goldberg All eight characters appear to be played by the same actor...; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; Weds. at 9:30, $20, $15 st./s.c.

Weights "Lynn Manning tells how he turned 'from a black man into a blind man'"; Urban Stage, 259 W. 30th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-206-1515; Weds.-Sun. at 7, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, call for prices [through 2/1].

What's Your Karma? English clairvoyant Lilith Dove selects audience members at random (via raffle) to reveal their past lives & "hidden talents"; Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-352-3101; call for times, $35 [through 2/20].

Who is Sarah Davis? "As the AIDS virus spreads during the 80s, an African-American family is confronted as the disease hits home"?proceeds to benefit HIV/AIDS research; The Harlem Theatre Company, 473 W. 150th St. (betw. Amsterdam & Convent Aves.), 718-670-3643; call for times, $20 [through 2/1].

Who Killed Woody Allen Drew & loads of Woody's exes have schlepped downtown to see it behind his back?why not you?; the Triad, 158 W. 72nd St. (betw. Amsterdam & Columbus Aves.), 212-362-2590; call for times & prices [through 3/6].

Wicked New musical inspired by the novel inspired by the novel/movie The Wizard of Oz (& starring Joel Grey); Gershwin Theatre, 222 W. 51st St. (6th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times, $40-$100.

Women on Fire Starring Judith Ivey; Cherry Lane Theater, 38 Commerce St. (Bleecker St.), 212-206-1515; Weds.-Sat. at 8, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 2, $35 [through 2/8].