Twin Contest at Twin Towers; Dee Dee Pretends to the Throne; MST3K Reunion; Kaiju Big Battel with SoundLab/Cultural Alchemy; More Faux Pas

Cuteness just oozes from this event?it's in the Twin Towers, on June 6, under the sign of Gemini, get it? The $1377 in prize money corresponds to the 1377 feet that separate you from the ground when you stand at the top of the World Trade Center observatories, where the contest takes place (2 World Trade Center, Liberty St. at Church St., 323-2340). By the way, nowhere does it say that you need to be an identical twin to participate, so there's potential for all sorts of hilarity if you show up with an unrelated friend. Proceedings begin at 1 p.m. and entry is free?for twins.

...Meanwhile, now that Joey is dead, who gets to be the famous Ramone? Dee Dee is making a serious run at it, with a combination book signing/art exhibit/concert at Lakeside Lounge this Friday (162 Ave. B, betw. 10th & 11th Sts., 529-8463). Leave it to the punk-rock bass player to be overly ambitious and hog the spotlight whenever possible?like seven weeks after his lead singer's death. You can ask John Lydon about this syndrome.

Anyway, Dee Dee's most prodigious talent (face it, playing bass in the Ramones doesn't count for much) might be prose. His memoir Lobotomy: Surviving the Ramones was dirty and entertaining, and his new novel, Chelsea Horror Hotel, shows promise. Check the plot synopsis: Dee Dee, his wife and their magical dog "Banfield" move into the Chelsea Hotel (222 W. 23rd St., betw. 7th & 8th Aves., 243-3700), only to have run-ins with freaks, Satan worshippers and the ghosts of dead punks Sid Vicious, Johnny Thunders and Stiv Bators. Then, while a hapless Dee Dee tries to score dope and handle his new transvestite friend, Satan himself crashes the party.

Chelsea Horror Hotel is illustrated with Dee Dee's own drugged-out Fear and Loathing-style paintings. These will be on display at Lakeside Lounge, and they're all pretty good; Dee Dee has been collaborating of late with Paul Kostabi of Youth Gone Mad on some LP-sized work featuring people with antennae for hands. Oh, almost forgot, Dee Dee will get around to playing some Ramones standards as the night wears on. Somewhere in hell (yeah, that's where rock stars go), Joey is okay with all this. Festivities begin Friday at 6 p.m. and there's no cover.

...Also on Friday, fans of Hercules vs. the Moon Men (1964) and Manos, the Hands of Fate (1966) know what time it is: Mystery Science Theater 3000 reunion time! That's right; it's been 13 years since the bad movie show debuted, eight since its original (and far superior) host Joel Robinson departed to make way for unfunny hack Mike Nelson. Thankfully, Joel heads up the cast members and writers who convene at Columbia University's Roone Arledge Auditorium (B'way at 115th St.) this Friday at 8 p.m. Mike will be there too, for those who like him or want to throw spitballs.

The reunion is structured as a panel discussion?boring?but at least you'll get the chance to check out those weirdo Mystery Science Theater fans who kept up with the show during its long downfall on Comedy Central and the Sci-Fi Network. These people refer to the program as MST3K and themselves as "MSTies"; I always preferred to watch about 30 minutes of Mystery Science Theater and then get on with my real life, but you can't front.

Comedy Central goddess Lizz Winstead will moderate the panel. Despite her stripper name, Lizz basically fashioned the modern comedy world by producing The Jon Stewart Show and creating The Daily Show. The Daily Show, people! Where would you be without this woman? Participating Mystery Science cast members, besides Joel and Mike, include Frank Conniff ("TV's Frank") and Trace Beaulieu ("Dr. Forrester"). Tickets are $12.50 and you can get them from TicketMaster at 307-7171; the reunion is part of the ongoing (and huge) Toyota Comedy Festival.

MSTies searching for the next thing to cultify need look no further than Kaiju Big Battel, which finally lands in New York this Saturday. Kaiju is, to put it plainly, amateur monster wrestling, featuring college kids in Japanese B-movie costumes fighting it out in rings all over Massachusetts. This week their act comes to a warehouse downtown (353 B'way, betw. Leonard & Franklin Sts.), and is paired with a night of audio and visual aggression by SoundLab/Cultural Alchemy.

SoundLab's involvement means that you won't just see grown men dressed as fruit (Kaiju's "Plantain Twins") or cans of soup (Kaiju's "Kung Fu Chicken Noodle") punch one another. You'll also hear music by established triphop dude DJ Spooky and just-starting-to-get-famous rappers Cannibal Ox. Madame Chao and panOptic, among others, handle imagery.

I got a chance to talk with Kaiju commissioner and perennial evildoer Dr. Cube about his arrival in the city. The Vince McMahon of the Kaiju world, Dr. Cube looks eerily like a normal guy with a cardboard box over his head and speaks like a French mongol.

"I don't like anything about New York," he says. "It's filled with wannabe youngsters, 'hipsters,' and money grubbing hooligans. Still, if I was forced to make a choice, I would say I respect Rudy Giuliani and his quality-of-life crime enforcement. He's made a commendable effort in trying to clean up the city."

And the crazy accent? Any explanation?

"Are you a maroon? It's the accent of a global cosmopolitan man."

The Kaiju Battel starts at 10 p.m. on Saturday; tickets are $15 at the door or $12 in advance at Mondo Kim's (6 St. Marks Pl., betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves., 598-9985). More information is available on the Web at [www.kaiju.com](http://www.kaiju.com) and [www.soundlab.org](http://www.soundlab.org).

Faux Pas from Last Week: Your opening line should never be, "Wow! You girls are drinking more than me!" Try not to meet two Colombian men and tell them: "Whoa, you're from Colombia? That's a pretty raw place. That's where they shot that soccer player for kicking the ball into the wrong goal, right?" And please, don't leave your female friends with Joey Fatone at NV/289 Bar Lounge (289 Spring St. at Hudson St., 929-6868); you might miss them making out with him.