THREE THOUSAND Puerto Ricans came to Manhattan for the "Viva ...

Besides, no mere joke can match the insult that Hispanic celebrities have to endure as they march the red carpet outside of Avery Fisher Hall. The night's tribute to Tito Puente has brought in a star-studded collection of names?which, in the typical inclusive spirit of Hollywood, means that we're talking about the token gal on CSI Miami, the token guy on Six Feet Under, and?oh, yeah, Miss Universe, since she's from Panama.

Fortunately, the crews from assorted Hispanic media outlets are there to show real respect. The only journalist missing is Miranda Veracruz de la Jolla Cardenal. But I'm over in the "No Hablo Espanol" section, where the pastime is goofing on how funny it is that none of us have heard of legendary musicians like Bobby Cruz and Roberto Roena. We also get to hear NY1's George Whipple practicing how to pronounce "Tito Puente."

The bigger stars, however, still get dragged over to the hacks waiting to ask their repetitive questions. This breaks down to "What is the significance of Tito Puente to your life?" (MTV Radio Network), "Have you ever been mistaken for someone else?" (People), and "If you could dance the mambo with anyone in the world, who would you dance it with?" (The New York Times).

To be fair, the MTV guy seems pretty cool. However, we probably all have a hard time believing that the New York Times could ask anything so moronic. And host Jimmy Smits will soon be agreeing, once he's reluctantly coaxed down to talk to my section. The People reporter poses her breathlessly stupid question, and I expect Smits to ask her why she thinks all Hispanics look alike.

Instead, Smits turns to the publicist and says, "I thought we were here to talk about Tito Puente." This gives the Times writer a brilliant inspiration. He leaps forward, identifies himself, and asks something about what if Tito Puente were in a Star Wars film.

Smits looks at this douchebag like he's some kind of Ewok: "I thought you said you worked for the New York Times."

"I do!"

It seems that Smits has just found out what kind of Arts & Leisure coverage we can all expect from new Times section editor Jodi Kantor?who presumably dots that "i" with a smiley-face.

This whole thing is the kind of cultural trainwreck that any decent person would walk away from?and I would, except that I want to see Frank Gorshin. I'm also enjoying all the local Latinos who've gathered around to do some stargazing. The tv crews are nice, but it's even more fun to see regular folks celebrating their cultural heroes. Maybe tokenism isn't so bad. Heck, that Hispanic guy even made it to co-owner of the funeral home on Six Feet Under.

And I've been given tickets to the concert, which turns out to be a really amazing night of talent. Jon Secada does a particularly grand job of turning on the star power and burying the notion of the all-American rock star. The four young men of Grupomanía also show the untapped vocal (and fashion) potential that gringos waste on boy bands out of Florida. And there's also lots of great old footage of Tito himself, who was essentially a combination of Elvis, Hendrix and Maynard Ferguson.

It's also nice to see Rosie Perez join the ranks of entertainers who yell at morons who don't turn off their cell phones before a show. Ms. Perez, incidentally, says that she's often mistaken for Marisa Tomei and Linda Blair. Hey, I just scooped People!