This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:22

    Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The half-life of dreams is pretty long. While traveling through Asia, I still have New York dreams. Then I'm surprised to wake up in Delhi. It's the inertia of the subconscious. For instance, I've often dreamt of someone years after they've died or vanished from my life. I imagine that subterranean part of my mind as an overworked secretary, with an inbox piled to the ceiling with undigested experiences. By comparison, his outbox output is shorter than a stack of pancakes, made from ingredients I put in there years ago. Good news for you, Caps (I know how you hate inefficiency.): This week, you'll have the chance to hire some keen new temps to help your inner world catch up with your outer-world backlog. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Your love life can get as hilarious (to everyone else) and complicated as one of those cheesy romantic comedies you'd have to be paid to see. Corny Three's Company-style misunderstandings are practically your modus operandi when it comes to affairs of the heart. Except they just aren't funny, are they, my sweet Water Bearer? Your feeble attempts to "fix" things often turn what might have been a lovable farce into more of a gory horror flick or, occasionally, a dull tragedy. All I can suggest is that this week, give your loved ones (and your enemies, too) the benefit of the doubt. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) As a child, I had horrible, nightmarish paranoid fantasies about being kidnapped while I slept. I'd wake up and imagine I was no longer in my bedroom but actually in the lair of some fiendish evildoer. Paralyzed by fear, I'd have to force myself to open my eyes, to see if my terrors had been realized. Now that I'm an adult, I fantasize about being kidnapped. Although the reality would probably be as awful as my childhood fears, the flight of fancy itself has evolved into something pleasurable, even fulfilling. This week, you'll have the opportunity to transform one of your oldest childhood dreads into a source of delight, stimulation or profit. Aries (March 21-April 19) Everywhere I go, people ask me where I'm from. Their perception of me changes depending on which of a plethora of possible answers I give them. Saying I'm from New York (where I've spent most of my life) opens and closes different "doors" than telling them I'm from San Francisco (where I've spent most of my adult life) or France (where I was born). Philadelphia and North Carolina (my two most recent homes) carry their own sets of preconceptions, too. Where are you from, Aries? How many different ways can you answer that question? How does that change what people think of you? And how can you best answer it to get most quickly to whereyou want to go? Taurus (April 20-May 20) Sometime in October, wreaths and Christmas lights appear. By the time the holiday season rolls around, we're so desensitized to it that we almost don't notice it. In many situations we're so inundated or habituated to stimulus that it loses emotional value and gets to the point where nothing seems special or sacred anymore. And you Taureans have the hardest time surviving (or more importantly, being happy) without those moments that shine out brightly from everyday life's regular illumination. Don't let the past be a blur. If you haven't already, spend the week planning something for your holiday or New Year you'll treasure for the rest of your life. Gemini (May 21-June 20) As I travel through India, I get a glimpse of how you often feel. Poor as I am by American standards, my Western cash still stands out like corn in shit here. The mental richness of your inner world is what sets you apart from the seething masses. Luckily for you, your wealth of ideas is invisible to most people, or you'd be plagued all day by people seeking to plumb the shining vein of your intellect for the gold of new concepts, brilliant clues and far-reaching theories. Nevertheless, there are those who intuit your hidden wealth, and this week you may get a lot of demands for your input. Just be careful when allowing word to spread of your brilliance, or you could be the victim of your own private India, with thousands of people hoping to make a quick buck off of you. Cancer (June 21-July 22) This week, be subtle. Visualize a slow, mindful crouch in preparation for a record-breaking high jump, or the careful windup for a sound-barrier-busting pitch. Content yourself with being quiet, unassuming, not dramatic. Focus instead on preparing for your big splash next with the full moon in Cancer. Right now you're just paddling your board into position, getting ready to ride next week's tidal wave, which could carry you all the way to Kansas (though I trust you'll get off before there). Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Some people spend a fortune buying unique and specially handmade ornaments for their Christmas trees. Others shell out a few bucks for a box of factory-made trinkets and a package of tinsel, and their trees are still beautiful. Everyone knows that making something special is more a question of time and energy, care, emotion?not cash. Or do they? My astrological spies have reported your recent undue focus on the financial side. Chill out, my luxury-loving Lions. You may not have the most expensive of everything (and you probably never will) but you can still have the best of the best (and you will this month), but only if you're prepared to actually enjoy it. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) This is a good week to do some free thinking. Your ideas and opinions are anchored by rigid concepts, calcified politics and blind faith. They're pent-up by unyielding schedules and controlled lists. I know you can't ignore (or, better yet, incinerate, shred!) your day-planner. Unfortunately, most of you can't seem to happily manage just getting your shit done in the haphazard, free-flowing manner the rest of us get by with. There may be no hope for you, bound and gagged as you are by your own mind?more effectively than by the harshest slave master. But some Virgos have learned the creative and spiritual importance of time to do anything (or nothing), and actually schedule time for this. Will you? Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) This isn't a good week to open your eyes when you kiss, or look before you leap or count your change. It is a good week to practice trust. Your faithful nature has gotten all flabby and useless, like any unused muscle. Cynicism and skepticism don't suit you, Libra. Your dimples are being obscured by frown lines and overshadowed by a crinkled brow. Don't allow your beauty to be shrouded by a hurtful past. Emerge like your ruling planet's namesake, Venus, born into the world on an alabaster shell in a sea of pure white foam. Reclaim your lost innocence?you'll discover it was never lost, only misplaced. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) I know you've been feeling more popular than Pokemon these last few weeks, but it had to end sometime. Go ahead, let yourself breathe a sigh of relief. I know your secret: Although you Scorpions function perfectly well in the spotlight for limited periods of time, you clearly prefer darkness and enigma to the plain, brash openness of sunlight. Well, this is a good week to scuttle into the shadows again, cultivate your own dangerous brand of sex appeal in the sultry darkness. Don't fret?you won't lack for attention. With the dim, cold days of winter ahead, your naughty heat promises to be in great demand.