This Week's Horoscope
How many elephants will you need? Let me explain my question. Shortly after they opened the Brooklyn Bridge in 1883, a rumor about its imminent collapse triggered a panicked stampede that killed 12 people. Fears about its instability persisted until 1884, when P.T. Barnum paraded across the bridge with 21 elephants and 17 camels, to demonstrate its soundness. Fascinating folklore, and relevant, too: you know where you're going. You even know how to get there. Yet you hesitate, while your friends and allies march whole herds of heavy animals across the bridge to your next chapter, just to prove to you it's possible. Won't you join them, already?
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
A Madagascan butterfly flapping its wings could catalyze weather patterns that result in a destructive North American hurricane. It's unlikely, sure?but I want you to understand it's possible, so you don't underestimate your own ripple effect. This week, even your tiniest actions are likely to trigger eminently unpredictable compound reactions upon reactions, to an epic scale. Everything you put out there?from dollar bills to offhand ideas to works of art?can (and probably will) go on to influence countless people in ways you can never know. Don't be paralyzed by the unknowable consequences of your choices; be activated by them. This week's actions will return to you eventually, essentially the same, but so magnified and transmuted you might not recognize them. In other words: be good, and the universe will eventually be very, very good back.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Your realism has run amok. You've let your firm grip on practical considerations become a stranglehold. It's probably quite important to you, when conceiving and planning your dreams and goals, that you keep them within the realm of the achievable. But don't underestimate your ability to set precedents by rule-breaking or, better yet?rule-remaking. Review all the tours de force you've planned for yourself over the past month. Then up the stakes. Take them at least one and as many as three steps farther than you'd originally planned. Why aim low? Shoot for the highest visible target. Odds are, you'll hit it.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Free-thinking you may be. Rebellious genius you often are. But wholesale antagonistic prick you're not, usually. Don't be an asshole and persist out of principle. You justly resent intrusion into what you consider sacrosanct headspace. Unfortunately, this week you're especially liable to interpret well-meant advice, cautionary tales or even offers of aid as undesired meddling. Yes, only you have the right to police your own mind. But every sheriff needs deputies. Let your trusted fellows have some say over what you're up to and where you're going these days. You're likely to do it better and get there faster with their help, believe it or not.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Narcissism isn't a usual Piscean vice. But your persistent attempts to understand yourself and how you're perceived by the world could be interpreted as unbridled vanity. Even though I know it's not egotism, I still recommend you temporarily quit your extended mirror-contemplations; your reflection reflections. Stay away from polished surfaces, lengthy, self-analytical journal entries and teary, soul-searching monologues to your therapist or confidantes this week. It's not that you should cease trying to fathom your own depths, only that you shouldn't try so hard. This week, you're most likely to see yourself most clearly when you're not actually looking.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Sports cars, motorcycles, ATVs, inline skates: whatever an Aries can use to "get there faster," he will. Indulging the need for speed is many a Ram's primary motivation. Explain to any member of your tribe that the journey is, more often than not, way more important than the destination, and she'll reply: "Yes, and I like my journey to be very, very fast and exciting." This week that enviable attitude is your worst enemy. Slow down. Take every chance you get to pull off the road, take scenic photographs, pick flowers and pee in the bushes. I shiver to think of all the intoxicating treasures, door-opening secrets and subtle keys to new intensities of love that you'll miss if you don't.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Packrats you're not, exactly. But you do like to save things, or perhaps more accurately, safeguard them. Somewhere in your garage, attic, basement, shed or rented self-storage space, treasures abound. As without, so within: the way you organize your stuff reflects the way you deploy internal treasures. Lately, that's meant that the more rare or valuable they are, the less they get used. It might not be time to whip out that antique furniture, those vintage plates or all those mint-condition vinyl LPs. But it is time to venture into the walk-in freezer of your soul and start thawing the softest, most tender parts of your heart. You'll need them soon.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Out of all the signs in the zodiac, I understand you the least, Gemini. I adore you; my many Gemini friends are universally engaging, sweet and popular, amongst many other fine qualities. But you're also as hard to quantify and pin down as swamp gas. Your unpredictability can be exciting and entertaining?but it's also a little scary to those you'd like to be closest to. Don't clue me or most people in; we enjoy the mystery of your occasional seeming randomness. But the level of trust and intimacy you crave can only be achieved by sharing the secret of your motivations. Are you ready for that deeper love? Go get it, now that you know how.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Oscar Wilde was right: "Give a man a mask and he'll tell you the truth." Sometimes it's easier to get at those deep, difficult bursts of honest revelation when you're partially occluded from them. Your trouble is that you've been trying to tackle your hardest lessons head-on. When things get too painfully intense, people shut down; their emotions flatline. Don't put yourself, or anyone else, in that position. Instead, write stories, act shit out or talk it through using sock puppets, as ridiculous as those things sound. Being silly ain't so bad: if you can manage to laugh at anytime while dealing with the hard stuff, you're doing well.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Fuck propaganda. We all use it occasionally, to advance our points or agendas. But don't get into a habit of distorting reality to support your viewpoint, no matter how effective that strategy is. Eventually, people will see right through your exaggerations, and then your credibility will be shot to shit. "Sometimes the truth is convenient," points out my Leo friend Julian. He's right. In almost every case this week, the complex, multifaceted, unbiased truth?the one contained in many, sometimes contradictory perspectives?will serve you better than misinformation ever could.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
The authority figures in your life may know what's up, at least this week. It's probably painful to hear?especially from those you often resent?that one of your dreams isn't feasible, at least in its current form. But this isn't just tyrannical naysaying; for once you and your local despots should be on the same page?everyone wants to see this particular dream come to fruition. The problem: you've gotten so used to doing things (pardon the cliche) outside the box that it never occurred to you that this particular goal might be more easily and abundantly realized by playing by the rules, instead of bending them.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
The eye of the beholder is your adversary this week, because his interpretations of your actions might be a far cry from what you mean. Whether it's pheromones, the onset of real winter or astrological influences, I don't know. But suddenly your playful flirtations, jokes or opinions are likely to be taken way more seriously than you ever intended. So be careful who you bat your eyelashes at, even in jest. Unless you enjoy fending off mistaken suitors or indulging comedies of errors, make sure all your signals are painfully lacking in subtlety and not open to interpretation.
Caeriel@yahoo.com