Next week is your can of spinach, Popeye. It contains a reunion with your power-stimulating Wonder Twin. Next week is long-awaited liberation from your hobbling iron shackles. Just because all this strength, power and freedom await you in the near future doesn't mean you should give up on the present moment. It's not like you're totally powerless right now. Use next week's boost as the carrot that will goad you to greater accomplishments today. If you could achieve Everest heights next week starting from ground zero, imagine what pinnacles lie within your grasp if you can get halfway up before your superpowers even kick in.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You're such a specific flavor. Some people adore you with fervor beyond comprehension. Don't fear their ardor, though, or dread losing it. You're tough enough for their passion, and it's notoriously hard to extinguish. Others, unfortunately, avoid you like the bubonic plague. It's for those faint-hearted morons that you sometimes tone down your act, smooth over rough edges. Although it's tempting to widen your appeal in order to expedite some romance or other, I advise against it. Eventually, your kinky underwear is going to show. Why seduce some vanilla loser who's going to flee, tail between his legs, at the first sight of your admirable intensity, especially when there are plenty of people (even if finding them requires patience and perseverance) who'll only be more excited by it?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Can the oratory, Plato. Yeah, this is a good week for philosophical self-expression, especially to some of those airy-fairies who've been scared off by your dynamism in times past. Now you have the power to tempt them closer with intoxicating ideas until you can squish them between the pages of your people-collecting book. Then what? Do you really want the responsibility of stimulating those heady folk full-time? Although you're capable of it, is it really worth moving into your brain permanently just to entertain those thought-addicts? Let Leo's complicated intellect stay a well-kept secret. Continue living in your heart, and save that convoluted brain for winter getaways and long weekends.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Improvise around society's expectations. For example, I've turned a horoscope column into my forum for website review, television and film critique, political commentary and societal trend-watching, as well as more traditional attempts at thought-provocation, inspiration, ass-kicking and limit-stretching. So you're a cook, or a doctor or an accountant. Bring all of yourself to that thing and vault it to the next level. Bucking the status quo might cause trouble in the short term (I've lost papers for being too edgy, foul or political) but it can only get you real, personal recognition in the long run. In that light, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
In your long quest for partnership, you've fallen into a trap. Under the beguiling heading of "knowing yourself," you've managed to define your ideal partner to such a degree that the number of people on the planet who could actually fill those shoes is: two. The person who's bound to be your longest-lasting love is actually quite different from your intoxicating fixation. If you can't wrench your gaze away from the imaginary "perfection" you've concocted, you'll never notice the incredible, if slightly imperfect, person with whom you have a realistic chance of partnership. Open your eyes now, or risk missing out. Review recent memory, too, in case you already let him slip through your fingers once?he's not as far gone as you think.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Prettiness stinks of mediocre conformity, popularity, condescension and superficiality. You tend to prefer reality, even if it's a little smelly or ugly. However, turning your nose up universally at all things cutesy isn't the answer. Surprisingly, there are nuggets of astonishing quality hidden in all the fluff. I'm not suggesting searching for them?that'd consume frustrating years of your life and yield nearly nothing. Luckily, like attracts like. You may be sought out by some surprisingly multifaceted pretty folk this week. Don't turn them away as a matter of course?at least give them a good looking-over and listening-to before you decide there's nothing delicious and nutritious there for you to bite into.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
My friends can ruminate endlessly about motorcycles, celebrities, BMWs, football or myriad other topics I have absolutely no interest in. Usually, when I accidentally get them started on a tangent about their favorite passions, I roll my eyes in tolerant amusement, and mostly tune out. But occasionally, their passions have the power to pique my interest, and I find myself looking curiously under the hood of a 530-series Beemer, or turning on a game and cheering along. Luckily, you're more in the habit of taking interest in other people's obsessions. This week, you're very likely to be turned on to your next fascinating mania, just by listening to someone describe hers.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Capricorns are usually surprised when they find out the good ol' Goat is in my top three favorite signs. You're so used to Cap's reputation as a boring workaholic that even if you're an exciting exception, you don't expect people to believe it. Most of you sheepishly admit your sun sign and cringe at the reaction. Don't you get it? Your vibe is what most of us really need! You're popular, goddammit. This week, soak in the love and adoration, and be proud of your stubborn and certain self.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I'm having a moment of despair about W. I just don't trust our bumbling President to properly handle delicate situations like China, Russia or Israel/Palestine. I'm horrified by his blatant push to improve the fortunes of his friends in the oil business (among many other industries) at the expense of the environment and America's future generations. However, we're stuck with him, just as you're jammed into a substantially sub-par situation. We can't do much about either circumstance?in fact, most attempts to do anything would result in making it worse (like Cheney taking charge). My advice for how to cope with your ongoing disaster is the same I give myself regarding Bush: laugh about it when you can. When you can't, pray that it at least doesn't get any worse.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
I'm not sure what motivated my roommate to sell all his dishes, silverware, pots and pans, as well as the television, with five weeks left to go before we move. Idiocy? Lack of foresight? Passive-aggression? I doubt he'll have as much luck selling his ostentatious grandmother furniture, which I've been wishing he'd get rid of for most of a year now. Even though someone close to you has been ditching some of his best qualities and keeping some of his worst, don't despair. Getting them back might actually be easier than the last resort I've considered: logging onto eBay and making a bid.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
At [www.engrish com](http://www.engrish%20com), you can find many hilarious examples of Japanese marketers' takes on English, with countless adorably funny slips or twists. My personal favorite is the "lovely and tiny twig KOEDA" chocolates, further described: "The sentimental taste is cozy for the heroines in the town." You can also imagine the flavors of snacks like "Baked Chunk" or "Angel Relief" ("Relieve the relief and listen to the angel's whisper"). Check them out; they might encourage you to laugh at yourself, and realize that the recent fuckup(s) that have so horrified and embarrassed you are essentially no more serious, and?believe it or not?way more cute.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You're less inclined to outlandish theories (like, "The secret of life is contained in the movie Yellow Submarine") than most. Yet, some of your hypotheses are pretty out there, even rooted as they are in your experience and the wisdom of those you respect. It's not that believing in powerful truths is bad; it's that sometimes those truths becomes less true, or at least less relevant, as times change. Clinging to what was isn't helpful. Yes, we all know it was better back then. But that doesn't make what's happening now stop. Get with the times this week, at least a little, even if that means letting go of what you've always held to be "true."
[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:Caeriel@yahoo.com)