This Week's Horoscope

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Don't repeat Adam's mistake. I'm not talking about that whole business with The Apple that got him and Eve exiled from Eden. I'm referring to his first wife (chronicled in ancient Hebrew texts), Lilith. She objected to his limited sexuality; since she considered them equals, she didn't want to lie beneath him all the time. When he refused to change it up at all, she uttered the name of God and disappeared, leaving a whining Adam behind (God eventually indulged him by creating the supposedly more pliant Eve). There's a Lilith in your life right now, no? You may think you know exactly how you like it?but that's not allowing for the possibility that Lil knows some tricks you might love. At least try out the new positions being suggested to you, in and out of bed, before your horizon-expanding friend gets frustrated and takes off for good.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

According to our original itineraries, we were both supposed to leave Thailand the next day. But when I randomly ran into my Gemini acquaintance in the locker room of Bangkok Babylon, that city's most decadent five-story pleasure megaplex, we decided to honor the synchronicity of our encounter and stay for an extra three weeks, embarking on some fun escapades of our own. Now he's my best Gemini friend. Don't be afraid to change your plans this week, when presented with the opportunity. You're lucky enough to have the flexibility to enjoy adventures other people would kill for?passing them up would be a sin.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Crabs molt. When they outgrow their shells, they crack open and squeeze out of their old selves, and spend a nervous couple days avoiding predators (if you've ever had softshell crab, you've taken advantage of their tender vulnerability) until their new shells harden. Although literally climbing out of your old skin would be disgusting, doing so figuratively is a good idea, coinciding with this week's new moon. It might be tougher than peeling yourself out of a sweaty pair of tight leather pants, but when you experience the grateful relief of being able to breathe again after such a task, you'll be glad you did.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

All I can say is: wear a hairnet. Since Leos wrap up so much of their identities in their manes, it only stands to reason that as you shed a few layers of top-heavy egotism you're liable to lose a little hair, too. Letting go of stuff is necessary: you long ago learned that clinging to one particular outfit or attitude is a bad idea. Sure, it may come back in style eventually?I've seen people sporting some seriously tacky 80s 'do's lately?but you're capable of so much more than that. I'd hate to see you settle for being hip only once every two decades or so, when you could be incredibly cool the whole way through.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I really pushed it during my daily swim yesterday, and today the muscles in my shoulders and back are tender. I was surprised to discover that something as low-impact as swimming could make me sore, especially since I've been doing it nearly every day for months now. You may be in for a surprise along the same lines?if you're willing to go through the extra effort, your usual activities will yield far greater results than you could have predicted. Give 110 percent; your karmic returns are likely to be at least three times that.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

While working on a catering crew for a huge Amway convention that came to town years ago, my buds and I managed to lift a couple dozen untouched chocolate cakes, thus filling our friends' freezers with Sara Lee. For a year, we were deliciously haunted by chocolate cakes, which appeared in twos and threes at every potluck or party we threw. Did you forget? You conducted a similar sweetness-stockpiling operation a few months ago, only so far you haven't had any opportunity to whip those metaphorical desserts out of your karmic freezer. Don't delay the pleasure you've earned?start helping yourself to some of that saved-up delectability. It's the only way to make room for the new kinds of satisfaction heading your way in the months to come.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The ancient Mayans believed that the world had been created and destroyed many times, and separated these chapters into ages. They set a date for the beginning of this one, Aug. 3, 3114 BC, and one for the end as well: sometime in December 2012 (the exact date varies depending on whose interpretation you heed). It might be helpful to view your life as a series of discrete chapters as well, each one virtually self-contained. The zero date of this one happened in late April. Personally, I don't think two weeks in is too early to start deciding what it's going to be about.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Ironically, in some ways you're at your best when you're out of your familiar element. For some people, being on vacation brings out the worst in them. They're stressed by the differences from their normal routines and become obnoxious assholes with exaggerated senses of entitlement. Not so you; the more unpredictable a situation is, the more you thrive. That's a pretty good card to have drawn in the Cosmic Talent Lottery, especially considering the coming weeks. Someone less specifically skilled at surfing chaos would be quaking in his boots?you, on the other hand, should be quivering with excitement and joy.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

As you're gearing up to embark on your summer's adventures, you may feel a bit like an intrepid Old World explorer, out to "discover" distant, exotic lands, and civilize the primitive savages you find there. Let me encourage you to leave behind that kind of archaic thinking. The kind of civilization you'd carry with you might be lacking in the spiritual department. Sure, you could go through this summer as you have many others, and come back with a tan and not much else. Or you could subtract the concept of conquest from your exploration and discovery and let whatever you find change you instead of the other way around. Unless you're positive you have all the answers you need, take the latter path.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Can you blame people for being envious? Admit it: you've got it made. Of course, you deserve it. But now that you have so many of the things you want, there's a whole new set of worries to fuck you up?but don't let anxiety about losing the good stuff rule you, Aquarius. First of all, although the blessings in your life can last a long time, we both know nothing is forever. Ultimately they'll change or end. Second, worrying about them can only accelerate that process. Just enjoy what you've got, whether it's true love, unemployment benefits or free cable tv.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your ruling planet?that cold, distant place, Neptune?goes retrograde this week. Strictly speaking, that means that from Earth it will appear that Neptune moves backwards in her orbit from now into this fall. What this means in the shifty, dreamy world of Pisces I can only guess. For you impractical wonders, I speculate how different backtracking can be from meandering forward. Maybe your best bet would be to remember that motion and personal progress aren't necessarily linear things. That doesn't mean you need to stop trying to go anywhere, metaphorically or realistically; nor do you have to resign yourself to running in circles. Move sideways, up or down and you'll get farther than you have in months.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

As sweet as you are, you're not made of brown sugar. You're not going to melt, even when the downpours are this intense. In fact, you should take advantage of the foul weather?consider it an opportunity to show everyone how you can stand out, even when withstanding a deluge. Since you won't have this many chances to show off, by virtue of contrast, how genuinely warm and sunny you can be, you should cease your cursing of the weather (whether real or emotional), and start doing a rain dance instead.