This Week's Horoscope

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You need allies, and fast. It's not that you're facing any significantly horrible obstacles?it's just that you can't run a relay race by yourself. Winning them over to your cause won't be easy; the victory trophy you promise may not be enough. You'll have to use every tool at your disposal. Remember, logic and eloquence are your best assets. You might have to convince potential collaborators (as only you could) that helping you will stop the melting of the polar icecaps, save infant girls in rural China and make high-powered politicians spill the truth about Enron. Whatever works. If you can pull together a handful of devoted partners-in-crime by the end of the week, you'll own that race.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Suddenly, you've sprouted a few extra arms; possible new nicknames could include Octopussy, Shiva II or Tarantula Boy. What to do with all this surplus limbage? You're accustomed to scrambling to keep your many balls in the air. Suddenly you've got them arcing smoothly overhead with three hands left over, ready for action. My suggestion? Remember that intriguing wooer on the sidelines, good-naturedly waiting for you to accept that bouquet? Three hands? The math is simple: take the flowers with one and wrap the other two around your patient admirer at last.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Sometimes you can be admirably singleminded. That determination has conquered empires, catapulted careers and won hearts. But this week, the stars would rather you try something new. Branch out. Embrace diversity; in your actions, in your tastes, in your lovers, even. Signs indicate you'll be rewarded handsomely. Maybe you'll find a $20 bill between your Incubus and Indigo Girls CDs. Who knows what little incentives the universe is prepared to slip you? The only way to find out is to open arms, heart and mind, and see what comes your way.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Relearning innocence is probably one of the toughest things you will ever do. Nevertheless, you can't give up. Consciously coming back to, and choosing to live in, that place of childlike wonder, openness and trust could just be your greatest triumph this decade. That by itself may be its own reward, but learning to be receptive after so much hurt, despite the risks, will also make you richer (on some level) than Bill Gates. Trust created from knowledge and choice is powerful, certainly more so than that born from naivete. I can't help you conquer your cynicism, but I can tell you we're all gleefully anticipating (and rooting for) the moment you do.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You'd be amazed at how quickly, for the rest of us, the world flips. Suddenly our strengths are our weaknesses and?if we have the presence of mind to try?our weaknesses play as strengths. You don't notice this so much, because of your innate duality. If one thing doesn't work, you just try another as a matter of course. Don't underestimate the universe's wily nature, though. Even your astounding versatility can be used against you, like this week, when someone is counting on you to be just one thing. Quick! Temporarily hide any tendency toward twinhood. We already know what you can accomplish with the full range of your powers at hand. Now show us how amazing just one of you can be.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Karmic bad luck narrowly missed me today. A guy struggling to start his ailing station wagon on my block could've been me. I almost expected my car to make the same metal-on-metal screech his had just produced. Still, by the time I'd rounded the corner, he'd gotten the heap in motion and sputtered on his merry way. At the cafe, a chick at the next table spilled her full cup of water on her laptop's keyboard. As she lifted the thing, upside down, water gushed out of it. Still, somehow, after ages of prayer and napkin-blotting, the thing started up again. My point? Sometimes you have to count your blessings where you find them. Not that you should focus on or revel in others' misfortunes, but you can still give thanks that when the shit hit the fan, it mostly missed you, or, if it splattered you, it wasn't as bad as it could've been.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

This week, don your dreams. Think back to kidhood, when wearing superhero Underoos made you feel exactly that mighty. Your fantasy selves haven't changed that much; they still happily pursue careers as cowboys, rock stars and astronauts. All that wishing can make a secret self powerful; use him or her this week. Make a pair of spurs into cufflinks, dye your pubes the flaming red your hair would be if you fronted the band you imagined or just keep a bit of freeze-dried ice cream in your desk, to remind you to invoke, frequently, the bravado and strength of your invented identity. After taming the Wild West, singing aloud before legions of screaming teenagers and conquering Mars, whatever "real life" throws at you will be a snap.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Your knack for winning people over is uncanny. I've seen it, you tease them with that winsome smile, maybe flash a dimple? Oh no wait; that's Libra. You get people to take your side with compelling, well-reasoned arguments? Hang on. That's Aquarius. Come to think of it, how exactly are you supposed to get the help you require? Sadly, none of your native skills are going to cut it this week. That doesn't mean it's out of your grasp, though. Resign yourself to the fact that making a list or alphabetizing your buddy's CD collection won't be enough, and get creative and do what will be.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Jesus, you might as well erect a shrine to the supposed sanctity of sex and love. While I admire your need to keep things pure and untainted by anything material, the sad fact is that when people choose relationships, decisions aren't completely independent of peripherals like how much money you have or what kind of music you like. These things are important because they have a bearing on what kind of life you'd have together. Sure. Aim for that glowing, idyllic place of pure love. But don't give up on a perfectly amazing union because you think it might not be as uncontaminated by real-world considerations as you might like.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It's your same old story: two ships passing in the night. Trouble is, you've passed more ships in the night than a lock operator on the Panama Canal. And like the guy who monitors the filling and draining of those compartments, which allows the boats to progress from one ocean to the next, the power is in your hands. You have no obligation to help anyone move past you. Go on strike. Let them flounder along on their own for a while. You never know, one (or two) might stick around long enough to invite you aboard for the long haul.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Lately you've felt as used as an old dishtowel. But don't just sit there on your kitchen counter growing mildew until someone decides to downgrade you to bathroom tile wipe. It's time to throw yourself in the washer with a bucket of bleach and get clean. You have the opportunity to rid yourself this week of all the stains and messes of the recent past. Do it. Ditch all that dirty crap, but don't go back to the slightly self-destructive habits that got you so messed up in the first place.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Paint your fingernails shiny gold. As tacky as it is, it'd be an effective reminder of the power of your touch this week, at least regarding people. Although your Midas touch has more to do with how much they're worth to you (and you to them) than their value on the international commodities market, from your perspective the difference is irrelevant. Perhaps it's related to our animal origins (which you often deny), but human touch can have a transcendent effect on how you perceive and interact with the world. This week, use it.