This week's horoscope.

You're too strong to worry about this shit. So that you don't mistake this week's piddling obstacles as actual problems, pretend your various adversaries, enemies and unwell-wishers aren't trying to crush you or trip you up; they're just trying to make you laugh. You're that powerful?so mighty that their various attempts to mess up your shit can only be jokes. For you to pay notice to them as if they deserved your attention?or worse, to be bothered by them?only demeans you. So laugh. Throw back your head and guffaw as if all their cherry bombs, collection notices and knives in the back are just delightful good fun.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Being a writer, I love language. I especially adore those words that somehow seem like what they are, like awkward and moist. Can you seem like what you are, Virgo? There's long been a disconnect between how people perceive you and how you perceive yourself. Yet I believe it's in your power?and best interest?to unmistakably radiate what you're all about, thereby increasing your likelihood to attract what (and who) you need to attract. You'll also vanquish people's illusions about you before they have a chance to be disappointed. Be like sizzle and sound like what you are this week, so people get it, finally.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I love that the "superheroes" in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen are limited and flawed. Too many of the supernaturally endowed characters in popular fiction are too powerful; they're not challenged by anything short of equally puissant supervillains. The truth is, most heroes are painfully imperfect and hardly omnipotent; most times they're average humans in extreme situations. I like that. I also like that so many acts of heroism are performed quietly, without fanfare or self-aggrandizement. Still, since you've been so generous in invisibly doling out your own laudable labors, you deserve some credit. So, thanks. Some of us know what you're doing, and we appreciate it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

African women of the Kikuyu and Luo tribes are able to carry up to a fifth of their body weight on their heads with absolutely no increase in energy consumption (most other creatures' calorie-burning would increase 20 percent). Even when they carry greater loads (they're able to transport up to 70 percent of their own body weight), they're way more efficient than the rest of us. You, too, have developed a similar talent?although the loads you carry with no seeming effort are all mental and spiritual, not physical. There's no need to be a martyr about it, but there's also no need to only carry half of the burdens you share with others in your life. Take on more, if you feel up to it, and when your loved ones ask why, tell them: "Because I can."

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You're slicker than an oil spill right now. That's not necessarily an enviable state. Too many people already regard you as a devastating natural disaster, and dread letting you near their boyfriends, girlfriends or children, for fear of having to scrub away the residue of that encounter with a Q-tip for months to come. How can you minimize your environmental impact? Without being facile: by cleaning up your act. I don't mean sacrificing all the ideals you've espoused for so long, but I believe you're ready and able to actually take on some of the responsibility and commitment you've been avoiding, without losing any of those values. Do so this week?and people will welcome you into their lives, not shun you from them.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You may wish for a Comfort Assistant, someone who'd discreetly follow you around attending to your every need. In addition to making sure you always had a delicious beverage on hand and that the ambient temperature was delightful, they'd perform a variety of other duties: You'd get foot massages every time you sat down. They'd intercept those you loathe, so you'd never have to directly deal with them. Pillows and genitalia would be ably fluffed before your use of them. However wonderful all this may sound, I can't help thinking it'd get tiresome after a while (albeit a long while). Because life is about doing stuff, don't shirk any pie you can stick your fingers into. When it comes to either being uncomfortable or not experiencing anything at all, choose the former, not the latter.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Clumsiness is your worst enemy this week. It sucks to be in danger of defeat by your own potential ineptitude, but it can't be denied; nothing the world can throw at you can do more damage right now than your two left feet. Therefore, watch your step, Water Bearer. I'm not even that worried about you; you're resilient. You'll eventually recuperate from any missteps you make now?but will the people and things you break recover once you've crashed into them? Move slowly and carefully right now?if you can't handle that, just stand still until I tell you it's safe to move again.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

At first, when parts of your world started running backward, it was an awkward transition. How to resolve this clock with that one, running in reverse? (Forget arriving on time anywhere.) Lately, however, with enough of your world now turned on its head?at least 51 percent, to be exact?it's all the shit that's still running the old way that's out of place. Your new reality is the dominant one, so stop trying to maintain your old habits. They'll no longer do you enough good to justify themselves. One of these habits?a repulsive dinosaur of a habit?will fight this, to the death. Fuck it. No, better yet?just kill the damn thing. It's long past time it went extinct.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

I've been obsessed with redecorating my kitchen. For a week now, I've spent every spare waking minute gently negotiating the room from disaster to divine functionality. My all-consuming drive has reminded me of you, Aries?especially the way it leaves me exhausted and without any emotional or physical slack. There are ways and ways, Aries, and your self-designated deadlines aren't doing anyone any good?especially when they leave you so incapacitated you can't work for days. Isn't it better to have five days a week at 80 percent than two at 110 percent?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

If you have any superficial tendencies, you'd best at least temporarily discard them now?because the person you need the most so doesn't look like you wish they did. If you can't shed your prejudices more easily than they can shed their skin, you're in big trouble, because it means you'll have to go without the food that best nourishes you for a year, or longer. If, however, you can turn a blind eye to the petty value systems you were programmed with ages back, you'll get as spiritually fat as your new lover or teacher just may be, in the flesh.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Somehow whenever I buy prefab furniture (I know; I deserve whatever I get), there are always about two screws missing from the box. I discover this near the end, when I suddenly have to decide which screws are the least integral to the overall design. Which can I leave out without the whole thing collapsing? You've got a similar challenge. You have only enough pieces to mostly put together the reality you've been constructing for yourself. Now you must decide which two elements you can leave out without everything just falling apart.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Your ability to tell the truth is at an all-time high. I'm not talking your usual crystal clarity, frankly revealing what you're all about; I'm referring to your ability to tell the truth?and, by inference, the untruth?of what others are saying. This integrity instinct will come in the form of gut feelings or other visible omens that must be heeded if you're to receive any benefit at all from my horoscope?even if they fly in the face of your rational intelligence, the advice of your friends, or your compassion. In other words, giving someone the benefit of the doubt could be the worst thing you could possibly do right now. Trust your gut!

[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:Caeriel@yahoo.com)