This Week's Horoscope

"Physician, heal thyself," isn't exactly a fair concept. For instance, you can be an accomplished helper of others?thanks to the benefit of perspective?but miserably inept when it comes to helping yourself. Such is the case this week. It's not incompetence, simply the virtual impossibility of seeing things from an outside perspective. Don't compound your suffering by dwelling on your cluelessness. Have the humility to ask someone, anyone, for help. A baby, sitting in the right place, could point your way out of this mess. One last note?don't kick yourself for not seeing the obvious until someone in diapers pointed it out to you. It wasn't obvious?and won't be?until exactly that moment.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns aren't packrats; you're stockpilers. You absolutely love being prepared. If you have a fireplace or wood-burning stove, you'll gleefully stack cords and cords of firewood to burn all winter. You also love having money in the bank, plenty of food in the pantry and freezer, and even a few admirers tucked away on hold, in case of an emergency. That's why it's confusing that you should choose to suffer instead of dipping into those reserves. Reward yourself for your diligence and foresight. Use them when you have to, like this week.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Divine inspiration is pretty random. You can't just tell the universe, "Okay, give me definitive proof that God exists." I tried that, opening mental conduits to the rushing torrent of information that I imagine the cosmic unconscious to be. Instead, I was rewarded with precise insight on how to read and understand baseball statistics. So? I'll work with that. You do pretty well tuning out the outside world and generating an impressive oeuvre out of your own inner workings. But you'd do even better synthesizing that precise control with the chaos the world throws at you. Open up, Aquarius, and you'll hit more homers this season than you ever have before.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Tag-team wrestling sucks when your partner is already out for the count, while your pair of opponents are still in tip-top shape and raring to go. Don't be bitter. The past couple weeks you were blessed with generous amounts of backup support and inspiration. This is the universe's way of making sure you can still kick ass on your own. Don't worry; you can?without even resorting to playing dirty. Your many partnerships have taught you some surprising and effective moves. Use them, and don't dwell on your apparent abandonment. Once both your adversaries are pinned to the mat, your friends will confess their preparations to jump to your defense, and their pride that you never really needed them to.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Talking about, unfortunately, often substitutes for actually doing. It's much easier to discuss writing a novel, effecting political changes or planting a field than actually doing it?and the more you talk about it, the more you rob energy and inertia from trying to get it done. I'm concerned because I'd rather see you accomplish your admirable goals than continue to blab about them. You usually ascribe to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words, which is why it's surprising to see you babbling so much, instead of getting things done. In other words: this week, shut up and work.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Tauruses are the least likely sign to see Jesus in a tortilla, be anally probed by alien abductors or get splashed by the Loch Ness monster. Still, you might become more superstitious after this week. When "coincidences" stack so precisely, you may wonder if there's more than just random chance at work. No one's asking you to become an avid leprechaun hunter or poltergeist investigator. But once you accept that your fate might be nudged occasionally by forces outside your awareness or understanding, you'll be much happier than when you insisted on pinpointing a rational explanation for everything.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Work it. Sometimes you have to sell it just a little, and an expert communicator like you should never settle for a mediocre sales pitch; you're capable of so much more. A striptease is more likely to whet your lover's appetite for a new flavor you'd like to try than a frank discussion over dinner. My other tip: Don't give up after the first try. There's a difference between gentle persistence and obnoxiousness, and you're keen enough to not cross that line. If this week you don't succeed, try again next week, when the full moon in your sign will enhance your charms.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Hermit mode continues this week. You lapsed into your shell recently, and it might be good to continue that precedent, so you can be properly recharged for the forced socialization of the upcoming holiday season. It really is okay to be introverted and antisocial for a couple weeks at a time, so don't feel pressured to be a social butterfly because of some arbitrary rule you've set for yourself. Besides, come next week, when the full moon shines in that most extroverted of signs, anything people-oriented goes. And I mean anything. You'll be so popular you could get famous playing the accordion. Why not try?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Enjoy your last full week in an oasis of fortuity. While you and Sagittarius host each other's ruling planets, you've been blessed with a remarkable and mutually advantageous natural alliance. If you haven't taken full advantage of it yet, you should now, before it's over. Thanks to all the eminently lucky Sagittarians in your life, the universe is primed to deliver all those things that require more than hard work and determination alone. For example, this week is your best chance to find an all-winter cuddle partner, if you don't have one already, or discover your soulmate, in stray-kitten form, primed for rescuing. In other words, your exceptional good fortune extends beyond a winning game of craps. Wasting it on something as cheap and unsubtle as a game of chance would be a shame.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

President Bush is a moron. I wish more people would say so, instead of just thinking it. I applauded Canadian Prime Minister Chretien for defending his aide when she let her opinion slip where it could be overheard, and disappointed when the ridiculous resulting hubbub forced her to resign anyway. If W had to face some actually vocal opposition leadership in his own government, or more outspoken critics elsewhere, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Anyway, I don't blame her, but I expect more of you: when your words come back to haunt you this week, don't back down. Own them, and stand your ground.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

An archway's most important stone is the keystone, the wedge-shaped piece of rock at its apex. It's placed last and locks all the other stones into position, creating an elegant and stable design, capable of bearing great weight. You've been carefully stacking stones for a new emotional support structure, intended to provide a better gateway to your lovely inner landscape. So far your construction has been propped up with the equivalent of wooden scaffolding while you searched for the perfect piece to hold it all together. Your quest has continued so long that, unfortunately, you now run the risk of your impatience getting the best of you. Don't force the wrong piece into place (not when the right one is this close!) because it'll just crack under the pressure, or fall out. Be patient, please, or your hard work will crumble to rubble.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Astrophysicists get excited about events that happen over billions of years, because the more we learn about them, the closer we come to understanding the basic structure of reality itself. But why should we care about the collision course of two incredibly colossal black holes an incomprehensibly vast distance away? Unfortunately, your inner workings, although as arguably important as intergalactic dynamics, are similarly hard to relate to, for other people. They don't necessarily understand what's going on, or?more importantly?how it affects them. This week, clue people in, even if it means simplifying things. Don't describe the ongoing nuclear fission reaction sustaining our sun and your soul, just say, "Fire?hot," and leave it at that.

[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:Caeriel@yahoo.com)