It's been ages since you let your sexual energy flow unrestricted. Lately, you've redirected it. Eavesdropping on your fantasies has surprised me. Included on the Top 10 list of Cancer dreams: getting a piggyback ride from Chewbacca; sleeping under Big Bird's wing; and cuddling with a mint-condition '57 T-Bird. Admitting attraction to an actual human being placed 73rd on that list, I believe. That's changing, though. I'm not saying you're definitely going to get a piece (although chances are higher than usual), but you're almost certain to get your heartstrings twanged by someone of your own species, at least.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Sick of being the other woman or the guy on the side? Forget momentarily the exciting risk of tabloid scandal, the clandestine meetings in darkened corners of expensive Italian restaurants, the illicit, passionate sex on heart-shaped, vibrating beds or?forget the beds?in backseats, airport restrooms and scenic rooftops. Perhaps all this makes you happy. Weekends and every other Tuesday is more than most get with their spouses. If, however, there remains a burning desire to become The One, act now: this special astrological offer is for a limited time only. Naturally, there are no guarantees, but if you're burning to ascend from Royal Concubine to King or Queen, there's no better time to usurp the throne than this week.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Because it's less expensive and in many ways easier, numerous American film and television crews have moved their productions to Canada. Because it's cheaper and simpler, many wooers have taken up with Virgos. You're notoriously low-maintenance, relationship "gestures" have a favorable exchange rate and you're so much nicer than other signs, just as Toronto is cleaner and friendlier than New York, for example. Although there are drawbacks to being a stand-in lover (or city), the pluses outweigh them. For instance, Toronto's experiencing an economic boom. Since your alternative is emotional recession (or at least slowdown), I'd take the boom, if I were you.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Dennis Woodruff's made himself into an icon through sheer persistence. Using relentless, obnoxiously visible self-promotion, he's turned his decades-long struggle to become a "famous actor" into a career in and of itself. The infamous Angelyne took a simpler route to fame: she purchased well-placed billboards and plastered them with larger-than-life, labeled portraits of herself. Fellow Libra Ani DiFranco has invented a highly successful musical career without ever signing on with some ripoff record label. Playing the game, despite its crappy odds, often seems the best bet. But given an excess of grit and determination (talent helps, too), you can climb the mountain your own way?and often beat most of those who paid for the tour to the top.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
My Scorpio ex-boyfriend had the deliciously filthy habit of flashing his dick at me whenever he could. Another Scorp and I would screw anywhere we could generate even the momentary illusion of privacy: behind curtains, in bushes, in canyon shadows, on secluded beaches. You're cynically used to the electric amazement of those you fuck, but those whose thorough appreciation and excitement transcend the usual are a rare breed, and getting rarer. This week, acknowledge them, nurture them, cultivate them and of course fuck them?before they go completely extinct.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Between hormone replacement therapy, plastic surgery, stem-cell research and cosmetics technology advances, the age of extended, if not eternal, youth is here. Good news for you perpetual children?not that you'd slow down enough to partake. "Tell me when they have Youth Pill vending machines," you holler over your shoulder as you sprint to hop a train to Siberia or air-courier your way to Tokyo. But, wait! An irreplaceable bit of your vanishing childhood is slipping into the dark realm of the forgotten. Repack your bags and make room for it (it's more important than razor, journal or underwear, if you're wondering how to make space) so you don't lose it again.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
It's time to reboot the whole fashion machine. We've been stuck in an obnoxiously looping cycle of recycling trends, then recycling our recycled versions of them. We're smack dab in the middle of an 80s boom, skinny ties, Don Johnson jackets, mullets and all. What does the ridiculous inconsequentiality of what today's hip elite are up to have to do with you? Nothing, except that I guarantee that if you pay close attention this week to those things you normally ignore, you'll make a buck, get laid, become much cooler or?if you do all the extra-credit work?all three. Also, by getting a brilliant mind like yours in on the action, we all have a better than decent chance of control-alt-deleting out of our disgusting patterns and coming up with something relatively new for once.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Signs can be lumped into three categories?mutable, cardinal and fixed?that reflect their various m.o.'s. Mutable signs like Pisces or Sagittarius simply adapt themselves to whatever situation they find themselves in with fluid ease. Cardinal signs like Aries or Cancer inflict themselves on their circumstances like a disease, and force everyone to accommodate them. But fixed signs like Aquarius or Scorpio neither require change nor embody it. However, being so self-contained isn't always such a good thing. Someone amazing is aching to share with you, and if you want that person in your life (and you do) you'll need to, um, actually share?both ways.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
There are dozens of baby spiders in my room. Big Mama clings nearby, watching her offspring with eight eyes. Ah, the miracle of life. Much as I'd prefer to not play midwife to a bunch of infant insect-things, I can't bring myself to kill them. Yes, I know: bugs are our enemies. But being that they're a predatory kind of bug that eats the ones that bother me much more, like houseflies and mosquitoes, I'm opting for the lesser evil: keeping them around. Choose whichever evil you like. It's just a bunch of creepy critters down the toilet, after all. But when you're furiously scratching those mosquito bites bloody, you might wish you'd chosen differently.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
I'm rooting for the underdog. I often go for the slightly less popular, the obscure, the unnoticed?and occasionally even dig the greasy guy all my friends are disgusted by. So much of your energy's been focused on achieving (or staying at) the top of the heap. Unfortunately, seismic shifting down near the bottom is making King-of-the-Hill-hood unavailable to you for the moment. But a sneak, wildcard attack on the problem could achieve better results than you'd have been capable of from the number-one position. Besides, there're several gorgeous admirers who're waiting to tell (or show) you how much sexier a ninja uniform is than the gay purple robes you wore as Our Majesty.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The Hump is that deep-seated resistance you encounter when you first begin something. Starting a workout regime, for example, can make you so sore you're discouraged from continuing. Learning to play guitar is hellish until those finger calluses develop. Even without something so concretely physical to surmount, the simple, bulky facts of your habits of living are mountainous enough, as obstacles go. Shifting that inertia of mind is too much to expect of some people. Nevertheless, that is your challenge this week. Show me you can conquer the Everest of your resistance, even when the air gets thin and every step becomes a burden. The exhilarating downhill up ahead is worth every ounce of suffering, I promise.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Anti-Bush protesters in Sweden?mostly opposed to his proposed missile shield and rejection of the Kyoto treaty (a widely-accepted international agreement regarding reduction of greenhouse gases)?objected to the numbers of police in riot gear. In Sweden (unlike places like Seattle, where it'd have the opposite effect) this kind of objection yields results: the authorities promptly reduced the number of riot-equipped officers. The result was an eminently peaceful rally, with virtually no violence. Learn from Sweden, will you? Extend a bit of trust this week, even when experience suggests it's unwise, and violent, emotion-mucking riots will be kept to an absolute minimum, I promise, with absolutely no looting or pillaging.
[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:Caeriel@yahoo.com)