This week: Mark Ames sends Angry White Male Nation to ...

week: Mark Ames sends Angry White Male Nation to the barricades, Caitlin Kelly's agent says she never carried no gun and the Swedish Institute's lawyers want to give us a Sicilian massage. Plus: Judy McGuire, queen of the clitocracy?

Spite Makes Right

Judging from the letters that you saw fit to publish about Mark Ames' "Spite the Vote" (6/9), the article drew a lot of angry hate mail from places like Orange County or Manhattan. The thing is, if you live in Orange County or Manhattan, you are so far removed from American reality, you might as well be living in Iraq. I am one of those frustrated white guys Ames is talking about, and I cannot agree with him more. See, I commute about an hour from Richmond, CA, to Marin County (one of the richest counties in America) to work in ridiculously low-paying retail sales. After the first six months of this, I wish for three things:

1. Winning the lottery as to never have to work retail again.

2. Revenge on a society and on a world that created the concept of retail sales.

3. Food, as this is the most accessible pleasure. Sex, drugs or any kind of human contact outside of verbal abuse by customers is unrealistic when working retail hours.

I experience the reality of supply-side economics in very real terms, something I doubt your pampered readers from Orange County or Manhattan have ever dealt with. That being said, Bush definitely has my vote, as a vote for him is a vote against America. If Kerry wins, I could see the nation giving a big sigh of relief and then getting back to the task of once again entrenching the status quo. Bush, however, is such a contemptible and sleazy troll it is almost guaranteed that he will blunder into some giant shitstorm that will take the whole country down with him. The fact that his half-assed Iraq policies have already started to destabilize the entire Middle East is proof that my future vote will be put to good use.

Max Blythe, Richmond, CA

Spite Club, The Sequel

In response to Mark Ames' column about the angry white male ("Spite the Vote," 6/9), he validates my theory that most liberal writers are envious of the frat boy/jocks he speaks of. The little libs were either the pimple-faced, overloaded-bookbag- wearing wimpy boys, or the overstuffed, last-picked-to-play slob (see Michael Moore).

They probably didn't begin to physically resemble human beings until college, and have even digressed since then. Always jealous of the rebellious type, they have found their niche in life by being a rebel behind a typewriter (excuse me, I'm laughing again). When I try to think of the type of people they are, I think of 9/11 and the brave Americans trying to thwart the terrorist plans on the plane, and these liberal types cowering under their seats.

Alex Sperto, Manhattan

Bring the Noise

While it may be a small problem among many larger problems, ice cream trucks and their incessant jingle are a problem if you live on, say the third floor or lower and have your windows open in the summer when you'd like to read, watch tv or listen to the radio ("Sour Notes," Page Two, 6/16).

The current rule is no more than 15 seconds continuously and no more than twice per block. Ha! Worse, try to find out whom to report it to. They want to know if it is "going on now?" and "where is the truck now?" As though it will stay there until the police arrive? Like the police will even bother to respond. And having the license plate number seems to be of little help.

The answer is simple: Just like cabs, when you want to operate a taxi, you get an approved meter, a simple black box that will operate the jingle only for 15 seconds at a time and not allow it to operate again until the vehicle has driven X number of feet. No box, or wired around a box? Five-hundred dollar first-time fine. Second offenders lose their truck.

Peace (and relative quiet) is an extremely valuable commodity-we should not give in so easily, especially when the solution is so simple.

Paul Sheridan, Brooklyn

Don't Count on It

Aaron Naparstek's piece ("The Coming Energy Crunch," 6/2) was timely and illuminating. The nation's addiction to oil has become one of its defining features, compromising our foreign policy, personal health and the global environment. It was heartening to read such a clear-eyed assessment of this problem. It is equally exciting to see that New York Press is moving beyond its previous narcissistic posing and embracing real journalism. At this rate, the Press will soon become required reading.

Jeff Prant, Brooklyn

Coked-Up Swedish Lawyers Attack!(JUST KIDDING)

We are counsel to the Swedish Institute and write to you regarding a very disturbing item that appeared in the May 19, 2004 issue of New York Press and an accompanying entry on the New York Press website.

Our client provided New York Press with [a] notice relating to an open house that was scheduled to occur at the Swedish Institute on May 24, 2004. The notice was submitted for inclusion in your newspaper's calendar of events. [One item] contained accurate information? [However] the website of New York Press [states]: "Swedish massage. Is there a more enticing phrase in the English language? Yeah, maybe 'coked-up hooker,' but 'Swedish massage' is still pretty good." It goes without saying that the Swedish Institute did not authorize your newspaper to compare Swedish massage to drug abuse, prostitution or any other illegal activity in the context of announcing an open house at the Institute. The puerile and vulgar wording of that notice, and its unmistakable suggestion that Swedish massage differs only in degree from prostitution or drug abuse, are not only utterly repugnant, but also utterly false.

For your information, the Swedish Institute is the leading School for Massage Therapy in the country and has been so for most of the 88 years of its existence. Its reputation is impeccable and its commitment to the highest professional standards in the massage therapy industry is complete and unquestioned. The New York Press' May 24th notice and website cast the Institute in a false and misleading light while indulging in stereotypes of the grossest form. While of course your newspaper has the right to express its views, whether in bad taste or otherwise, it may not do so at the expense of our client's reputation by casting it in a false and misleading light. Furthermore, by misleading your readers as to the nature of the event occurring at 6 p.m. on May 24th, a number of individuals appeared at our client's open house looking for a free massage (and perhaps more) as suggested by the Press' misleading box.

On behalf of our client, the Swedish Institute, we expect New York Press to take affirmative steps to correct the misleading and injurious picture drawn of Swedish massage, in general, and of our client in particular. In our view, a retraction would simply not be enough. On the other hand, our client is not looking to blow this matter out of proportion or necessarily to gain financially from those circumstances. We believe that education, of your writer/editors and readers, would be a more appropriate solution. In this regard, we can envision an article or articles that provide an accurate picture of the science and art of massage therapy and of the Institute's role in the profession and industry. Perhaps you can suggest an alternative approach. In any event, we expect strong and appropriate steps to be taken by New York Press to address our client's legitimate concerns.

Alfred G. Feliu, Manhattan

Vandenberg and Feliu, LLP, Attorneys at Law

The editors reply: Who knew that Swedes were so utterly lacking in humor? Oh, right: everybody. What actually goes without saying is, we are allowed to compare Swedish massage to whatever the fuck we want. We do regret the implication that free massages were available at the Swedish Institute's open house-that was an oversight, not an intention-but we will never regret comparing a good massage (Swedish or otherwise) to half-and-half with a coked-up hooker. In no way have we been "injurious" to the Swedish Institute, and the Swedish Institute is in no position to demand retribution for a stupid joke about cocaine and prostitutes.

Now then, how's that for a happy ending?

Consider it Done

In the June 8 issue, Judy Jackson wrote about Caitlin Kelly's new book Blown Away. The article implied that Caitlin is a woman who carries a gun. However, Caitlin does not carry a gun. The original transcript that was handed in states that "Kelly, a robust blonde, describes women with weapons as 'transgressive and frightening.'" However, in the version New York Press printed, Kelly was lumped in with gun carriers. The author was very upset when she realized the article misrepresented her and her beliefs. Since that statement is false and was added without permission, we are requesting that a correction be printed in the next issue.

Erica Feldon, Publicist, Pocket Books, MTV Books, Downtown Press & WWE Books, Simon & Schuster, Inc., Manhattan

Berrigan's Heart Still Beats

Matt Taibbi's article gets it partly right ("In Memoriam," 6/16). Daniel Berrigan is very much alive and is as active as ever in the quest for peace. You'll be hearing a lot about him over the coming months; the man is a dynamo. So save your eulogy for the good father; it's highly premature.

Carol Ann Schachter, Manhattan

Matt Taibbi: Smacked!

There was no House Un-American Affairs Committee, but there was a House Committee on Un-American Affairs (Matt Taibbi, "In Memoriam," 6/16).

Bill Cohn, Yuma, AZ

Russ Smith: Attacked!

Russ Smith, support a man who chronically abused alcohol for more than 20 years, accrued two alcohol-related arrests that we know of, shirked his military duty and fails at every job he attempts, nearly losing his wife and kids to booze and now can't focus long enough to read a newspaper or string two coherent sentences together ("Keep On Grovelin," 6/16).

I'm on the side of the guy who still has Viet Cong shrapnel in him. You're like the never-elected idiot who deserted to get drunk and do cocaine instead of his sworn duty. And can't string two coherent sentences together. Amazing!

Wil Burns, via email

Alan Cabal: Wack!

Alan Cabal's odious rant about the use of modern medicine to treat depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior is pointless, masturbatory and, worst of all, uninformed ("Five-Lobe Circus," 5/19). I hardly think a man who openly gloats about being an alcoholic, drug addict and generally completely out-of-control person is in a place to lean back and judge the world of psychiatry. His one bad experience with one psychiatrist (which he idiotically let carry on for years) is a pretty small claim to knowledge.

That none of the drugs he was put on in the course of his sad life helped him is no surprise considering that he was mixing them with cocktails of LSD, crystal meth and booze. What the hell kind of drug would work under those conditions? This is a typical example of a truly fucked-up person blaming the rest of the world for his fuckery so that he doesn't have to admit what he knows is true-he's seriously mentally ill.

Furthermore, Cabal and New York Press' willingness to publish such utter nonsense for sensationalist value is only harming those many people out there who could benefit from psycho-pharmacological drugs but who (because of brash, arrogant people like Cabal) feel ashamed or afraid to seek help. Clearly, a drug is not going to be a magical brain-cure. But if you work with it, take care of yourself while on it, and seek other means of help (like traditional therapy) to go along with it-it can be of enormous benefit.

I speak as someone who has suffered from depression since I was 15. I've worked very hard to lift that boulder from my back and the drugs prescribed to me by my excellent psychiatrist have been of great value. They gave me a chance to see past the fog of mental illness and map a route to a healthier life. What a shame that your article could be taking that opportunity away from so many others.

Erick Spinel, via email

Peeps and Veeps

I agree with Russ Smith that McCain craves the spotlight behind an "aw, shucks" act ("Keep on Grovelin'," 6/16). I expected him to get behind the president but not so far behind that he was beside Kerry. If McCain has so much fine character, why would he want to spend four years as VP being completely ignored by him? He would have no power and the Republican party would shun him. It's time McCain and Kerry both put Nam behind them. Kerry is in a spot: If he picks Edwards, he can ignore him if he is elected. However, if he picks Hillary, she will completely ignore him for four years. What a revolting development!

Nancy Baker, via email

Try the Swedish Institute

I've just read the letter by Rother Schlager from the Bronx in the Mail section (6/16) regarding Mark Ames' piece on spite-voting. It would be interesting to know if he has a satisfying relationship (both physically and spiritually) with a woman (of course a blond-haired, blue-eyed one)?

Michelle Savarese, Brooklyn

Dissed

Yet another reason to embrace your scrappy rag: You provide illustrative justification for the meddlesome habits of hyper-grammarians such as me. You refer in your "Page Two" item (on the disingenuous advocacy of lickspittle mollycodling of the soon-to-come GOP interlopers) to the president's "disinterest in distributing anti-terror funds according to realistic risk assessments" (6/16). "Disinterest," of course, indicates a lack of bias, an objective and reasonable stance.

What you mean, I hope, is in fact exactly the opposite: that the president's (actual yet obfuscated) interests have indeed skewed his stance toward the rational disbursement of funds, that money has been misallocated precisely due to covert and possibly malign interests! A disinterested president would give the money to those to whom it is most rightly due, namely us, we New Yorkers. In short, even your blunders are cause for celebration. Three cheers for New York Press!

Chris Feldmann, Manhattan

We're All Pink on the Inside

You guys have to stop blowing the whole HUAC thing out of proportion (Matt Taibbi, "In Memoriam," 6/16). Did anyone go to jail, except for Alger Hiss, who after all was a communist spy?

I'm something of a fan of Ring Lardner Jr., but he was obviously a communist sympathizer, and as you rightly point out, that is no crime. So why not own up to it? And if you've got a slew of communist buddies all writing in the movie business, how is that information privileged? Is it your position that the communist influence on newspapers, television, movies and other media should be hidden?

To answer that people's careers would be harmed because they could be "blacklisted" is silly. People's careers are harmed by lots of stupid things: an off-color joke at the wrong time, being married to the wrong sort of person, having too many children.

As for blacklisting, try being an out-of-the-closet, anti-abortion, fundamentalist Christian and see how far you get in today's Hollywood. No blacklist from the 40s or 50s was ever anywhere near as effective as today's, but then again we're just exercising good taste, cultural sophistication and sound editorial judgment, right?

Give it up. There were (and are, for that matter) a lot of communists and communist sympathizers in the government and in Hollywood and in the news business. This self-contradictory defense, "No, there aren't..." followed by "It's none of your business," followed by, "and anyway, what's wrong with being a communist?" is wearing so terribly thin after more than 50 years.

By the way, I love reading your stuff on the web; most of it is really good, even if it is a little pink.

John M. Regan Jr., Rochester

Roses on the Stage

Just read Mark Ames' "Spite the Vote" (6/9). I do not know when I have enjoyed reading an article as much as this one. Yes, I have voted for spite. I did not realize it at the time, but I am sure I have. I laughed so hard I actually had to dry the tears out of my eyes.

I am in a real fix. I do not like either candidate or either party. I used to vote split ticket with a lean toward to Republicans, but they have turned out to be worse than the Democrats. I read an interview with Ralph Nader and he has some good ideas and some bad ones.

I hope to find another article from Ames. Bravo!

Doyle Wilkinson, Corpus Christi, TX

Ames Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next

The white male votes his interests just fine, as in California when he voted for Props. 187 and 209 (Mark Ames, "Spite the Vote," 6/9). The problem is the system that overrules his votes and declares his interests "unconstitutional." Many a white male has also spoken out against this Iraq aggression and revealed it for what it is: a clique of Jewish neo-cons, former leftists from the 70s and Israel-firsters who are now leading an alliance along with brain-dead evangelicals looking forward to Armageddon and the second coming, with oil interests in reality being only the secondary but politically more palatable concern.

If Ames is so brave in denouncing white-male cowardice, why hasn't he pointed out the obvious? Why, for fear of the slur "anti-semitism," of course. No amount of psycho-babble can talk you out of this one. Welcome to the cowardly club you denounce, Ames. In the future, be careful whom you call a coward, lest you end up on the wrong side of a rope when the one-percenters finally get down to the hard and dirty work of straightening this country out-hypothetically speaking of course.

Robert J. Nieman, Los Angeles

Bile Brigade

"Spite the Vote" (Mark Ames, 6/9) was a great article. I'll have to read it a few times to get it all, but I think that the left is not completely ignorant to this case of white-American-trash-votes-just-to-spite-non-white-American-trash-even-if-it's-against-their-own-best-interests. In fact, shoot-I'd say it's just about commonly known amongst us lefties. The question is-what exactly can you do, specifically, to battle it? You already have the stupidest president in the history of the U.S. You already have Fox News and the entire right-wing press corps appealing to the most base, hateful instincts of these anti-intellectuals. What is the left supposed to do-stoop even lower? I don't think it's possible, but who knows?

Peter Smith, Washington, DC

the Next Generation

Joshua Cohen's article on Elvin Jones' passing (6/2) was respectful, reverent and fully appreciative of Elvin Jones' contribution to jazz and avant-garde music. Disturbingly though, this otherwise insightful article concludes with a moping paragraph about how jazz has become commercialized, the elder statesmen are dying and alas, a mournful cry: "But who's to replace them?"

Well, how about the subsequent generations of musicians exposed, studying and further progressing and evolving this music? For musicians (as well as other artists), reaching people in and beyond our lifetimes is kind of the point. The musicians that Cohen and many others mourn left behind a living artistic legacy that continues to inspire, inform and guide current and future players. The evolution of jazz, avant-garde, creative and improvised music is alive and well, with all the instruments. In fact, the development and accessibility of computer/internet communication tools continually open new doors, allowing this music and its artists (along with many other fields) to grow across all former boundaries and barriers.

We do our work. We play, record and release vinyl, CDs, Mp3s, DVDs; we tour nationally, collaborate, form bands, do interdisciplinary activities, promote and are basically very active and visible as part of a vast, accessible, worldwide, adventurous and creative culture-should you venture to look beyond what mainstream commercial media representing and formulating mainstream commercial tastes for economic purposes narrowly presents.

The great older players and innovators were once (and sadly some still are) unrecognized. Quite often their magnificent contributions to the culture were not discovered until they had slowly seeped through the world cultural fabric for decades and gained enough audience and reputation that they sidled along the mainstream, a little bit, and were deemed safe to enjoy.

Where are the new John Hammonds, Nat Hentoffs, the courageous and adventurous writers looking to discover and promote the new and challenging artists of now? We, the artists, are here working. Seek and you shall find. Come to the shows, festivals, websites, listen to the recordings, read the magazines.

Step outside. Investigate. Discover.

Bonnie Kane, Manhattan

Like She Was Carved in Stone

Christen Warwick from Flagstaff, AZ, is a perfect demonstration of the colossal ignorance inherent in the pro-war crowd ("The Mail," 6/2). Warwick quotes a certain "Ray Reynolds, SFC Iowa Army National Guard 234th Signal Battalion" and his list of so-called American accomplishments in Iraq. What is so astounding is that the list clearly shows that either Reynolds is a fake or that he is just one among most U.S. soldiers in Iraq who exist in a cocoon, totally removed from the realities of the country (a fact widely reported by aid groups, journalists and the British military).

It has been widely acknowledged, for example, that U.S. soldiers in Iraq still believe that they're fighting those responsible for 9/11, that they have little contact with Iraqis and that they exist in walled-off security zones where they listen only to the idiocies of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. Warwick's citation of this list merely reinforces this belief.

Two examples: First, "Girls are allowed to attend school." Reynolds (and Warwick) apparently believe that this is something novel in Iraq. Anyone who has basic knowledge of Iraq under Saddam Hussein knows that women and girls were educated thoroughly. The head of Saddam's biological/chemical weapons program was a woman. Iraq under Saddam boasted women doctors, engineers, teachers, tv announcers and other professionals. This is such a basic fact of Iraqi society under Saddam that it boggles the mind to understand how rightwing warmongers like Warwick could've missed this. The U.S. invasion has unleashed religious fundamentalist elements who want to desecularize the country and drive women back into the home and deprive them of their education.

Second: "The country now receives twice the electrical power it did before the war." Two weeks after the first Gulf War, Saddam had the country's entire electrical grid up fully functioning. Over a year after the U.S. invasion and most Iraqis still only have intermittent electricity, if any. This is one of the most common complaints among Iraqis. Those who do have electricity receive it only a couple of hours at a time. There are constant reports of hospitals without electricity. Iraqis cite the lack of electricity in interviews, weblogs, in emails and letters.

There is much more to refute about Reynold's list, because it so clearly was written by an officer who doesn't know much about the country or what Iraqis are feeling and thinking. We have seen evidence of officers like this several times in various statements by military personnel since the invasion. After a party of wedding celebrants was recently massacred in the desert by U.S. forces, one officer dismissed the notion of a wedding party taking place in the desert. Yet anyone with a basic knowledge of the region knows that weddings and other events take place in the desert all the time.

Christen Warwick is entirely wrong in claiming that Ray Reynolds' list proves anything valid about U.S. accomplishments in Iraq. All it does is provide further proof of the immeasurable depth of ignorance on the part of U.S. forces-and American pro-war dittoheads.

Sandra Nicholas, Brooklyn

Pedophile

I just read Lionel Beehner's piece on Romania ("Summer Travel," 5/26). It brought back memories. I was there for two weeks in August 2001. I, too, visited Dracula's castle in Bran. Like a good tourist, I bought a Dracula dummy at a nearby souvenir stand.

First, I spent a few days in Bucharest, including a quick side trip across the Danube to Bulgaria. Eventually, I ended up in Brasov in Transylvania (charming old city). In between, I spent a few days at the beach resort of Mamaia on the Black Sea. It's a great beach-picturesque, warm water, plus its fair share of topless women. And virtually all the little girls there go bare-chested, something I'm not used to seeing in America. By "little girls," I'm not just talking about three- or four-year-old toddlers. There were girls as old as 10 or 11. On the road alongside the beach, I'd see dozens of pre-pubescent girls walking by all the time, all wearing nothing but their little bikini bottoms. I liked that! They all looked beautiful (please don't think I'm a pedophile).

I wonder, when you were in Romania, if you encountered those gangs of begging children that I ran into in Bucharest and Brasov. They'd all be chanting the same two words of English that every Romanian street urchin knows: "Please, money!" And those kids are persistent! Usually, the only way to get rid of them-besides giving them money-was simply to outrun them.

One problem I had in Romania-which, as a seasoned traveler, I wasn't expecting: It was almost impossible to cash a traveler's check. Even the universally accepted American Express ones. Most money-changing places would only take cash. Fortunately, my ATM card worked at Romanian cash machines. That saved me!

Richard Fried, Brooklyn

Rounders

Throughout Russ Smith's rant about the AL East and the Yankees ("Jose Can You See," 6/9), he did not once mention the Texas Rangers, whose kids will bring home to roost the Penant (at least) to Arlington. After all, Russ, it's been 30 years (at least).

Not much past being a kid himself, it was management's decision, not Alex's, that brought him up north to a new and better glory. Thanks for the crumbs.

Bob Cooper, via email