The Residents at Warsaw; Kaiju Rampage New York; The Genius of Ennio Morricone; Talking/Cooking Turkey; "Canstruction Competition"; The Tiger Lillies at St. Ann's; Garageland! at Manitoba's

Less-than-professional wrestling meets Japanese monster movies in the ridiculous live spectacle known as Kaiju Big Battel. See a cactus-looking "aquatic attention-monger" in mortal combat with a large blue sphincter! Or at least two guys dressed up in goofy costumes throwing each other around the ring. Think GWAR vs. Rodan, with some Mexican wrestling and BattleBots mixed in, and you've got the spirit. This time around it's billed as Kaiju Rampage New York and they promise no fewer than 22 monsters, a "Danger Zone" for audience participation and lots of music and flashy multimedia goings-on to overload the senses of the adolescents hiding inside the drunken young adults these silly extravaganzas always attract. Which you know means you. At the Roxy, Thurs., Nov. 14, 10 p.m. 515 W. 18th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 654-5156 or 866-468-7619; $17/$19.

Not sure why the soundtrack cover band Morricone Youth isn't playing the Genius of Ennio Morricone night Thurs., Nov. 14, at Cinema Classics. This homage to the Italian maestro's birthday focuses on his futuristic and glamorous scores for obscure European films, as well as his work as a 60s pop composer. There'll also be guest DJs... Oh wait?Morricone Youth guitarist Devon E. Levin's other group, the Dao Son Four, celebrates the release of their new CD at Galapagos the same night. Maybe that's why Morricone Youth isn't playing Cinema Classics. Doh! 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 677-5368; 8:30, free.

Pachalafaka... Ah Turkey... is what you'll be singing after the New School Culinary Arts' Talking Turkey on Fri., Nov. 15. Students at this "one-day turkey fest" will learn how to prepare a crisp, tender holiday bird, then carve it, and make some sides and desserts too. The class is 5-10 p.m., which allows time to attend Everything But Turkey the same day, 1:30-4:30. Preparation of side dishes is the theme there, things like Southern scalloped oysters, stuffings, relishes and vegetable dishes, which could also serve as main courses in case you're having boring vegetarians over for Thanksgiving. Meals will be served with wine at both classes, which meet at the Inn on 23rd St., 131 W. 23rd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.). Call 255-4141 for registration info. Each class is $85 plus $25 materials fee. Talking Turkey repeats Sun., Nov. 24, 4:30-9:30 p.m.

The 10th-annual "Canstruction Competition" exhibition of larger-than-life structures, composed of thousands of cans of food, always amazes us. This year should be no different. Thirty-some objects?including a Winnie the Pooh and an Elmer's Glue bottle?created by leading New York architecture and engineering firms are on display at New York Design Center starting Fri., Nov. 15, and remain up through the Nov. 27, Mon.-Fri., 9-5. Admission is one can of food and all donations (as well as the dismantled sculptures) will go to the Food Bank of New York City. Visit www.canstruction.org for more info. 200 Lexington Ave. (32nd St.), 679-9500.

The Tiger Lillies are quite unlike anything you've seen or heard before. Unless you've seen or heard them, in which case you know what we mean. A threepenny accordion-bass-drums trio fronted by the strangely charismatic countertenor warblings of Martyn Jacques, they sound like buskers from Jack the Ripper's East End doing Edith Piaf in a New Orleans whorehouse. Or maybe like demented trannies singing scary nursery rhymes to the Marquis de Sade in Bedlam. Funny, bawdy, elegantly twisted ditties about death, freaks, sex with insects, Struwwelpeter and other delightful oddities. Sat., Nov. 16, at 8, at St. Ann's Warehouse in DUMBO. 38 Water St. (Dock St.), 718-858-2424; $25.

Looking for something to do while your dad watches Monday Night Football? God knows we are. And that's why we feel so lucky to have Garageland! every Monday at Manitoba's. Handsome Dick Manitoba has our pal Brian Swirsky booking very cool bands on Mondays, and even cooler DJs. This Mon., Nov. 18, the DJ is Jayne County, who is also expected to do a short set. (The evening is, of course, being billed as "Fun with Dick and Jayne.") And it should be fun, if you know anything about New York rock history. It seems Dick and Jayne had a huge fight way back when, when Jayne was Wayne, and Dick was, well, a dick. But they've kissed and made up, and besides making New York punk rockers proud, it should make for a hell of a lot of fun. Don't miss it or we'll kick you in the face so hard you'll see spots run. And run, and run. 99 Ave. B (betw. 6th & 7th Sts.), 982-2511.