The New Gay Couple

Cliff and Tek and baby son Huck are the anti-nuclear family. About two years ago, Cliff Preefer, 43, met Amanda Moore (aka Tek), 21, when he hired her to work in Sacred Chow, the small vegan cafe he owns on Hudson St. I've been a regular at the West Village eatery since it opened in 1995. I thought Cliff was a cute gay man and Tek was the new young dyke employee, pierced and tattooed. Nothing seemed unusual until I started to hear rumors about a relationship. Their son, Huxley Parker Preefer-Moore, was born March 25, 2002.

"We started hanging out because she was assertive and had great ideas," says Preefer. "At the beginning, I did not want this to be more than friendship. I resisted for many reasons."

"We are an unlikely couple," Moore admits, noting both had mostly same-sex relationships before their match. "We bonded quickly, taking walks together, discussing the business. We had many things in common."

Preefer became vegetarian while attending Antioch law school. "I was reading about violent cases and I thought to myself 'What can I do to create a more gentle me?' So I stopped eating animals." Moore was vegan in high school and vegetarian in college. As a student, she did a lot of queer activism, majoring in gay and lesbian studies before dropping out of Sarah Lawrence. "I needed some time to find myself and be a teenager on my own."

Born in South Korea and adopted as a baby, Moore grew up in Greenwich, CT, and got sent to the notorious Elan school for being a sullen teenager. She hated the place.

Preefer, who grew up in Bergen County, was a public defender in New York City from 1988-1992. When he took a leave to attend the Natural Gourmet Cookery School, he was not planning to open a business. "I really expected to go back to law. I was not a disgruntled lawyer. I liked law. I just wanted to learn how to make my own food. I'd been eating at different places and was not enjoying the texture or the taste.

"I was creative but had no cooking background," he continues, "but when I was at the school it felt like magic, like divine intervention. I never went back to law." Preefer has cooked at Caravan of Dreams, Bachue and Candle Cafe.

Cliff and Tek will celebrate Gay Pride month working at Sacred Chow. "I opened up in this location because it's a gay neighborhood," says Preefer, who plans to grow the wholesale aspect of the business. Moore is now the cafe's manager.

Moore is breastfeeding Huck as we talk in the tiny basement office. Big for his age, Huck gurgles happily throughout the interview.

"I was never quite sure of myself with men or women," Preefer says, noting that he got involved with men while at law school. "Yet I would not say it was a bisexual thing. My relationship with men, unlike with Tek, was too competitive for me on a physical level."

"The gay male gym syndrome," Moore quips.

"Part of my focus in sex with men was objectifying," Preefer continues. "I don't do that anymore. I desired a relationship but it was not happening."

As for Moore, "I had a lot of intense relationships with women and then we moved on."

I ask her which came first: falling in love or wanting to have a child. "It all happened at the same time," she replies.

"It all happened very quickly," Preefer adds, "but the love came first."

"We were very excited about the idea of having children together," Moore recalls. She was pregnant within two weeks once they made the decision to try. "We got closer while I was pregnant and started living together right away."

"But what's the sex like?" I ask.

"It took a lot of adjustment for each of us," Moore says.

"Initially, I was not sure if this was going to work," Preefer concedes, "because there's so many things that are different."

"Yeah, none of my girlfriends had hair on their chest," Moore jokes. "It's totally different. Our sex is something we have to work on."

"Well, everyone does," I note.

"I really wanted it to work," Preefer tells me. "We came into this very quickly and all of a sudden she was pregnant and that released a lot of hormones and I didn't understand that. My relationships with men did not have any issues like that."

"Even before I was pregnant, we had to redefine our sexual relationship from what everything was before," Moore explains. "Sleeping with him was not like sleeping with women."

So how do they define themselves now?

"We have been discussing that for the past few days," Preefer says. "There are times when I ask Tek, 'Do you want to be with a woman?'"

"And I'll ask him, 'Do you want faggot dick?'"

Preefer declines to label himself. "I define myself as queer," Moore says. "We both have queer tendencies, and like any straight couple, we look. I look at women, he checks out men. We are not having sex with anyone else, but we decided that if one of us has a desire, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, I'm in love with Huck. It's difficult to take my eyes off him."

"I could not find the perfect guy," says Preefer, "so I created him. We are definitely attracted to what we are building here and I don't want to disturb that."

Have they ever discussed marriage?

"If everyone can't do it, why should we?" says Preefer. "It doesn't seem fair. If gays can't legally get married why should we?"

Asked how family and friends have reacted, Moore says, "My whole family was totally accepting of my being queer, so at first my mom was a little weird, like, 'Why are you with a guy now?' But then she was like, 'Okay, whatever you want.'"

Moore and Huck have been a unifying force for Preefer and his mother. "Prior to this, I was distant. I never went to family things with my siblings and their kids. Now we go to everything."

Moore has seen friends blacklisted from the lesbian community for dating guys, but her friends have been accepting. "Sometimes we'll walk around the Village and reminisce about queer things in our past and we'll pass people he's been with," she notes.

"We came together exactly when we were supposed to," Preefer adds. "I was so angry for a long time and now I feel very blessed."

"He's a young 43-year-old and I'm an old 21-year-old," Moore notes, "so it's like we're both in our mid-30s."

"Having the baby is like having a new best friend," Preefer says. "I want to teach Huck about walking a path of less violence."

"Being a parent is so great," Moore agrees. They both emphasize that they want Huck to be who he wants to be. Even if he wants to be a transgender lesbian, it's okay with this family.