The Mail
YEAH, BUT COULD HE WRITE BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS?
Any artists struggling to find reason for pursuing their craft would do well to read White on a regular basis. White speaks from the perspective of the inseparability of art and life. Escapism (extreme fantasy) is not an option. Most aspiring artists, for whatever reasons, fail to understand this, and as such, they fail society, even if they do end up glorified in the front pages of established magazines and periodicals.
Mitchell Renner, Peoria, IL
HOW ABOUT "DILEMMA"?
I was going to write about this last week, but had better things to do. Now I see that it's gotten worse, so I have been driven to point out the obvious.
Gentlemen, there is no such thing as a "Hobbesian choice" (although I suppose you could, for some reason, call anything "Hobbesian," like "Dickensian" or "Malthusian"). Last week, your normally astute Matt Taibbi took up a whole page of print to argue that Kurt Andersen is an idiot ("I Spy a Sellout," 2/23). Granted. Yet he did not even notice the definitive proof lying right there in the quote that set him off. When the expensively educated Andersen wrote "Hobbesian choice," he no doubt meant what literate people mean by "Hobson's choice," which dictionary.com defines as follows: "n. An apparently free choice that offers no real alternative. After Thomas Hobson (1544??1630), English keeper of a livery stable, from his requirement that customers take either the horse nearest the stable door or none."
No doubt Andersen had heard adults using the phrase, and influenced by the military and political atmosphere, came up with this malapropism, substituting Thomas Hobbes for Thomas Hobson. His editors did not notice; neither did your Mr. Taibbi.
Now comes one Ramon A. Pagan, to lecture us on how the "Hobbesian choice" is an "analogy...frequently used in criminal law," which he illustrates by narrating his experience in traffic court. (By the way, it isn't, and it doesn't.) Mr. Taibbi then replies by graciously allowing that it "may be a term used in modern law," (politeness cloaking laziness) but that he was referring to the "'original Hobbesian choice," supposedly posited by Thomas Hobbes. (By "original" I take Mr. Taibbi to mean that he has confused Hobbes's state of nature with Rawls' "original position.")
Gentleman, I beg of you, cease this show-it has no wit in it, and it embarrasses the reader. Even if neither you nor New York Magazine can afford real writers, is there no fact-checking at all? This is the stupidest thing I have seen in print since the Toronto magazine The Idler printed one of my letters and attributed it to Bishop O'Meara of Thunder Bay.
Squire James O'Meara, Long Island City
OUR MUCH-NEEDED THERAPY SESSION
Re: Joshua Cohen's "Hugh W. Nibley, 94" (3/9): By saying "I hate," Joshua Cohen left himself open to attack by the Mormons and others interpreting his comments as unfair intolerance of one of the United States' larger Christian religious sects. (Catholicism probably being the largest as Protestantism is so splintered into a multitude of sects.) Additionally, they leveled a valid criticism that had it been a reference to Blacks, Jews, etc., then its chances of being published would diminish rapidly. Nonetheless, his critics barely laid a factual glove on him.
As for reader Nat Weiner in the Bronx (The Mail, 3/9), while he is no Hemingway, he is a clear and concise writer, unlike yours truly, and you should consider giving him a byline. Nonetheless, as a Red Sox fan, I feel compelled to defend Jeter. First, Giambi probably never shot up in the clubhouse, at least not in the presence of others. This is steroids, not heroin, Nat. Second, if Giambi was Jeter's good friend he would have never told him about using steroids-this could only serve to undermine their relationship. Third, Giambi on steroids could probably work out harder and longer than before he took them. That is one reason they are so popular, they do not just build muscle mass, they build muscle stamina.
Finally, I am saddened by the loss of Alan Cabal, as a writer, and Jeff Koyen as editor. Matt Taibbi, who can be an absolutely brilliant writer, fell flat with the pope's list. Other than a bunch of hyper-sensitive cry-babies, who cares if it was offensive, the greatest sin of the piece, and the one thing the pope may not be able to forgive Taibbi for, is that it was not very funny. Maybe five out of 52 were funny. It is too bad your advertisers got scared by this one. As for Alan Cabal, Jeff's response was unnecessary. Cabal is a Satanist: of course he is going to kick someone when they are down. Koyen's response only tended to make Cabal's somewhat churlish and childish resignation letter look more reasonable than it really was. As far as I am concerned, both should come back to the fold and put this whole distasteful experience behind them (or run a series of increasingly insulting and obnoxious articles about one another). As for Taibbi, stay off the Vicodin before trying to write something funny. Like Hunter S. Thompson, your best work comes when you do the necessary legwork and immerse yourself in the subject matter about which you write.
Andrew L. Spence, Suffern, NY
BEGGING POPE'S PARDON
Re: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2): That article was utterly disgusting. I can't believe the media can get away with such bias in their articles. I'm thoroughly disgusted.
Stephanie Beemer, Staten Island
GIVE THIS GUY A COLUMN
If only five of Taibbi's list of "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2) were funny, he might've earned his wings. But, alas, the juvenile humor, or #46 alone and its moronic infantilism, damned him and your entire staff to eternal summer internships at the Village Voice ("Beetles eating the Pope's dead brains," yuck, yuck.) Taibbi, dude, you're like the god of wit-not!
Loud farts always get reactions, but do you need to print Taibbi's? Or perhaps you badly needed to fill empty space? If that's the case, sell more porno adverts-they offend less and get more people off than Taibbi's teenage scribble. Dude, again, if you don't do it with wit, it's just like so high school, you know, dude?
Perhaps Mr. T. should consider pulling the trigger ala Hunter T., 'cause that "witless 52" showed he's not writer enough to even pick up Thompson's lone shell casing. However, if the Badass Provocateur for Circulation, Paycheck and Publicity thinks he's all that, let Taibbi take a crack at:
"52 Funny Things About Muslims Getting Down on Their Knees & Blowing Their Asses up in the Air for Allah (Five Times a Day)!"
Now that would be funny. Hilarious. A riot-indeed-if not a total jihad. But Allah, Christ, even your local Rabbi knows Taibbi has not the balls nor the wit to write his way into heaven or hell, let alone tackle that with any spirit.
In fact, the Pope has mumbled and dribbled that, in spiritual dimensions, Taibbi is considered a strict purgatory-league writer at best. But what the hell, the boy tries hard. Well, obviously not hard enough. May God bless and fill the dark witless void between his ears!
Johnny T. Sollitto, Manhattan
A MESSAGE FROM THE TORONTO TEDDYBEAR COMPANY?
Re: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2): Bravo! I cannot number the times I have been disgusted by media-generated "grief." Iam also sick of media attention on people rushing out to pile flowers, teddy bears, candles, cards, even balloons and all manner of trash on our road sides and our play grounds to publicly proclaim their great grief for some person they would not have spared two seconds thought for in life! I loathe these events enough to wish I were not a humanist because then I could wish all the phonies into hell!
Jennifer Temple, Toronto
WE DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE
Re: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2): Not funny. I mean, outside of it being outrageously offensive, it wasn't funny. Forget the New York Press; obviously you don't want much readership if you're willing to offend that many people, and thus I have taken the hint and won't bother with your newspaper anymore. I'm not Catholic, but I think this cheap shot at Catholics and the Pope only serves to further isolate a community of people who make up like 25 percent of America.
You couldn't possibly sit there and think that people wouldn't get mad or that you wouldn't lose readership. If so, then you're in the wrong business and should perhaps go back to stapling together your 'zines from your college days. Taking cheap shots at a dying man doesn't cut it.
NAME WITHHELD, Brooklyn
A RAY OF PURE JOY FROM THE SUNSHINE STATE
RE: "Brand This" (3/23): Matt Taibbi is a fucking idiot. Nobody really gives him much credit anyway, or your rag. If you want to pretend to be journalists you should at least have the appearance of being informed. If you want to be another propaganda mill, you should at least admit it. Message to all Republicans: your credibility sucks. And the nation is finally coming around to it.
Thomas Philp Jr., Redding, Ca.
EXCLAMATION POINTS-YES!
RE: "Brand This" (3/23): Right, on! We do not want a security democrat. What followers. Ugh. We need a leader! Forget Kerry, Biden, et al. They are cowards when it comes to campaigning. I want someone who will stand up for what is right, and just be themselves. Not a poll-driven production for the DLC. Barf!
Karin Dicker, Manhattan
WE DIDN'T EXACTLY THINK CROCODILE DUNDEE WAS VERY FUNNY, EITER
Re: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2): What a jolly kaleidoscope of nothing. Tons of style? Yes! Any worthwhile substance? Not that I could detect. Sorry-but that's the way it comes across to me.
Choosey Brandon, Sydney, Australia
CHOOSE LIFE
Your article "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2) truly was disgusting. No wonder so many people view the U.S. as an abomination with no respect for life.
Mark Reed, Manhattan
ALL SIX HOURS?
Re: Armond White's "Family Affairs" (6/23/04): Thank you for your review of the movie The Best of Youth. I just recently saw all six hours. Needless to say, it was incredible. The story, the characters, the music?
Rachel Oh, Los Angeles
POPE LETTER #4491
Re: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope" (3/2): I get it and I loved it. Don't you guys understand satire? Really! You people in the press must lighten up and take Jeff Koyen back at any expense. Did you all sleep through civics class except Jeff?
Pat Schreer, Miami, Florida
ALL THINGS MUST PASS?
Dear New York Mess: Just because you have been able to cheat death so many times yourself gives you no right to make fun of an old man in his last days. Still, I wish your charmed media life many more years, simply because watching your dysfunctional existence is so amusing.
Long may you run,
Neil Hung, Big Sir, CA
PSYLLOS, SHINE ON, YOU SENSITIVE DIAMOND!
Just wanted to thank you for finally updating your listings section. I love the small blurbs and hurray for more pictures! Plus, Steven Psyllos is a gem-a breath of fresh, unbiased air blowing through New York Press' otherwise stale cavern of cynicism and schadenfreude.
But why sacrifice the old "Pick of the Week" section for it? Can't we have our cake and eat it too? Whoever wrote that stuff was a genius-an esoteric genius that watched too much "Nick at Night" as a child, but a genius nonetheless.
The only consolation for this loss being the retention of "Date Girl." I notice no matter what changes are made in your paper, Judy McGuire seems to hang on. Keep it that way.
Mila S. Foreman, Manhattan