Suds Cafe: Pleasant Laundering; Tongs at the Ready at Chinatown's Dragon Land Bakery
When I watched reruns of I Love Lucy as a kid, I could never understand why Lucy and Ethel would get so excited when they won a washer and dryer. It seemed like such a boring prize to me. (Of course, I used to think some of the dud prizes on Let's Make a Deal were pretty cool, particularly this bed that as I remember had a rotating wheel of cut-out sheep, so that you could count them while falling asleep.)
A few years of hanging out by the broken vending machines in my local laundromat, however, while children stuck their SloPokes in my hair and my tea towels never seemed to get quite dry, taught me the source of Lucy and Ethel's glee. Having a washing machine is great. Mine came with my apartment, and every time I hook the hose up to the sink, I offer a heartfelt thank-you to the great god Westinghouse. I don't have a dryer, but that's okay. I do have a clothesline, which, on a windy day, is actually superior to some of the dryers you find in those laundry establishments anyway. Besides, it's fun to hang clothes out on a line?I put my hair up in a bandanna, some clothespins in my mouth and pretend I am a housewife in 1944 doing her bit for American victory over Japan.
But in the interest of helping all you happy homemakers out there beat the washday blues, I found a place where you can do your laundry in a relatively civilized setting. It's called the Suds Cafe, and it's in the West Village. I know it's not a new phenomenon, these places where you can put your wash in and then sit at a little table and read the paper or drink a cup of coffee, but this one is pleasant and the name reminds me of Dog n Suds, a venerable Midwest food emporium. In fact, I read in the Daily News that the Dog n Suds in Terre Haute, IN, was even hoping to cater Timothy McVeigh's last meal. (I also read that PETA tried to get McVeigh to go vegetarian for his last supper, but he declined. He told them they would have better luck with his friend the Unabomber. I am not sure why PETA thought this would be a publicity coup on their part. I know animal rights are a noble cause, but their champions have some strange ideas when it comes to the media. When I worked at Playgirl, we did an interview with Ted Nugent where he talked about bow-hunting. When the issue came out, I got a call from a PETA rep who asked if we might run an article on them, in the interest of fairness, to show the other side of the debate. I still don't think they got the main thrust, if you will, of Playgirl. What were we going to do, present a pictorial? "Ready for Some Heavy Petting? Let's Get Animal with the 10 Sexiest Guys in PETA!")
But I digress?what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the Suds Cafe. The woman who runs it, Sonia, said that they don't actually sell coffee there, but you are welcome to bring some in, bring some snacks while you are at it, read a book, hang out while your clothes get clean. They even have a backyard, but I think it is just for sitting, not for stringing up your unmentionables on a line.
Chinatown Bakery
Around the turn of the century, I've read, certain denizens of lower Manhattan used to take upright citizens, clergy and educators and such, on tours where the points of interest were all sin spots: gambling halls, brothels, saloons, etc. One of the highlights of such tours was a stop at an Authentic Chinese Opium Den, where slaves of the poppy could be found lolling around. What they never told these stooges was that the opium dens were fake, and their inhabitants merely play-acting. I wish they still had those tours because I think that would be a perfect job for me: lying around on a Turkish carpet pretending to smoke hash.
Or maybe it's just that I want to work near Chinatown, because, I'll tell you, I am quite envious of those who do. They have all those wonderful, cheap bakeries to choose from come lunchtime. I love the fabulous neon cakes and cookies, and all the steamed pieces of dough that you can't tell apart except for the nametags. My favorite is the Dragon Land Bakery, where they have those futuristic tables that double as fish tanks. You can sit and eat while watching the fish or the turtles trapped inside. Well, I shouldn't say trapped, as I assume they have some way of feeding them. I don't think they just seal them in there and forget about them.
The other thing I like about this place are the cheerful workers in headscarves who stand by, tongs at the ready, to pluck your chosen delicacy for you and put it on a tray. Even with your tray piled high, you're still only going to spend about $4. I always order the one that looks like a four-leaf clover with pieces of hot dog in it. I find it quite alluring, but remember, I sit around smoking opium all day. Just practicing, in case I get that job I mentioned earlier. Now if I can only find someone to show me how to kick that gong around.