Sign Language

LEO JULY 23-AUG. 22

Be the ascending royal who doesn't show up to her own coronation. Screw the hierarchical bullshit that has given your sign such a bad rep. Leos are naturally more radiant than most folk, but that doesn't make you better. You and I both know that, but some of your detractors don't know that you know. In other words, be the picture of modesty if you have to this week, so they can't help but get it. It's time to ditch some of that stereotypical Leo stuff, and move on to the next thing. No need to be selfless or self-effacing. But do please move over, share everything and avoid selfishness at all costs.

VIRGO AUG. 23-SEPT. 22

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines. It's time for a preliminary run around the track to make sure you know what you're doing. Still, the pressure's on; this is the qualifying round for a race that you've long been training for. In some ways, this might be the most stress you'll experience between now and when you cross the finish line. But there'll be a number of experiences that nearly match this one in intensity, so if this is right on the edge of being too much, you might want to back out before you really get going. Getting out of the car during a pit stop is no sweat; trying to bail at 150 miles per hour could kill you.

LIBRA SEPT. 23-OCT. 22

For now you might as well live as if there were tremendous black storm clouds lurking in the horizon. They may not come this way; the wind isn't even blowing in the right direction, for the moment. But they could swoop in at any time and dump bucket-loads of rain on your head. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be cleansing and, in some ways, refreshing. But it could interfere with any plans of yours that depend on fair weather, emotional or otherwise. Don't count on any picnics, honeymoons or amiable tanning sessions this week.

SCORPIO OCT. 23-NOV. 21

Being torn between what you really want to do and what you ought to do is a familiar feeling. But having these two different urges so embodied by your friends is new. How can you decide now, with one buddy urging you to pursue your selfish wishes, and another encouraging you to do what's actually right? Don't let them fuck you up too much. It's a shame they got the bad idea they could give you advice, because now someone's feelings are going to get a little hurt, but ultimately you've still got to make your decision as if they weren't there, and weren't invested. Do what you will, and let them be pissed, or disappointed, or glad, or whatever-and then let them get over it, too.

SAGITTARIUS NOV. 22-DEC. 21

You often get the front seat to various minor soap operas, and let's face it; you enjoy it. It can be fun to watch other people freak out, fuck each other or fuck each other over (or both), fall in and out of love, and generally be sloppy and eminently human. Be careful of this week's newest drama, though. It's the kind that can suck you right in before you've even noticed; there's no fourth wall in this theater. Either sneak out now, during the intermission, and don't show your face in this neighborhood again until the run of the show is long over, or brace yourself for the kind of performance that teaches you an important lesson or two-the hard way.

CAPRICORN DEC. 22-JAN. 19

In the early 1800s, nitrous oxide ("laughing gas") became the drug of choice. There were even theaters where volunteers could climb on stage, take a lungful or two, then entertain the audience with their staggering and silliness. It wasn't until nearly five decades after its discovery that someone first thought of using the stuff for surgery. Similarly, something you only thought of as recreational (whether it's a relationship or activity) could suddenly become obviously more than that this week-something real, lucrative (emotionally, or financially) and better than it ever was as a playtime pursuit.

AQUARIUS JAN. 20-FEB. 18

You're a banana; at least, you think you are. As far as you're concerned, you're a self-contained, delicious, helpful, nourishing and cheerful sort, who's actually good for the people around you. Everyone loves bananas! Don't they? Unfortunately, this week, when you're at your yellowest, sweetest and most tempting, you're bound to encounter a couple of people who despise bananas. Don't let it get you down, or dramatically rethink your self-appraisal. It's largely correct. Don't obsess about it, either. Ultimately, chalk this up to one of those "can't please everybody" lessons, and move on.

PISCES FEB. 19-MARCH 20

You're more likely than most signs to admit you're wrong. In fact, many Pisces are apt to decide, on their own, without prompting, that what they've been thinking about, believing in or espousing for days, months or years is simply incorrect. This is largely an admirable quality, and demonstrates the breadth and depth of your considerations. But every once in a while, it limits you-because if you'd clung to the "mistaken" belief or habit a little while longer, you might have experienced a new layer of truth hidden within it that you had no idea it possessed. Push through to the next level before you let this one go and move on. It might very well change your ultimate direction completely.

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19

You have unparalleled focus. Your uncanny ability to simply block out all distractions (or whatever else might be going on inside your head) to concentrate on the task at hand may prove useful this week. So remember to use it. If you forget to turn on the tight beam of your attention, you're sure to be diverted by some of the other flashy (but ultimately unimportant) things going on around you and end up missing out on what you truly want. It might take near-obsession to get to where you want to go. You're certainly capable of it. I guess the question is: How much do you really want it?

TAURUS APRIL 20-MAY 20

It's always a shock when someone you habitually expect to be on your side suddenly opposes you. Rather than view it as a profound betrayal, however, think about what's at stake. Considering that you guys are usually on the same page, isn't it possible that there's something to his or her side of things? Even if you can't agree, hopefully you can see that this is a muddy, complicated issue and respect each other's opinions without letting it ruin the friendship. The conflict isn't as clear-cut as the bond between you two-as long as you can see that, you should be back in cahoots by the end of the week.

GEMINI MAY 21-JUNE 20

Enigma is your secret weapon this week. Being open and forthright is laudable, and rare-however, you've lately taken it to an extreme. There's a difference between practicing honesty whenever important and simply making yourself completely transparent. Retain a little mystery-keep some of the details to yourself. It's more appealing that way. You're at risk of scaring someone off by spilling too much too soon. It's not that they can't take it; it's that maybe they can't take it all at once. Sure, that might be reason enough to say, "Fuck 'em." But why not try unfolding slowly, like a flower, rather than exploding like a firecracker? It could be fun.

CANCER JUNE 21-JULY 22

What's the point of even trying to make yourself understood? Almost no one gets you, anyway. From your end, your actions are generally well-meaning, intelligent, sincere and, most of all, crystal clear-but few seem to see them the way you do. On the one hand, you can say, "Fuck 'em. I don't need to explain myself. The only person I need to answer to, ultimately, is me." But on the other, if you continue to make a concerted effort to convey where you're coming from, one or two fairly important people are likely to catch on-and you could always use more of this kind of ally. o