Sign Language

VIRGO AUG. 23-SEPT. 22

No one realizes, least of all you, that you're the most popular sign in the zodiac. Along with everyone else, you probably haven't noticed just how many people you're important to (and how many are important to you). Showy Leos may get more attention; Libras have bigger networks. You, however, have the highest-quality relationships-connections that actually mean something to both parties. Despite that, you may feel quite isolated at times this week. Please take off emotional filters that require you to view yourself as a lonely victim, and notice how things (events, relationships, families, etc.) would fall apart in your absence. You matter. ('Nuff said.)

LIBRA SEPT. 23-OCT. 22

Don't assume that your opinion matters. Given who you are and what you do, it does often carry some weight-just not universally. Sometimes, you're simply not qualified to give notes on a situation that doesn't concern you; you're just doing it out of habit. Just because it usually works out okay anyway doesn't make this a good idea. Please don't let your established expertise as a moderator delude you into getting involved when you shouldn't. If you stick your nose where it probably doesn't belong this week, it just might get bitten clean off.

SCORPIO OCT. 23-NOV. 21

You may not have much actual money, but emotionally you're filthy rich. Compared to most other people's inner lives, you bathe in champagne and travel in a solid-gold litter carried by adoring servants. So what, you say? Sadly, wealth often inspires thieves, insincere hangers-on and pathetic emulations. This week you're likely to have run-ins with examples of at least two of these; try not to get pissed. It's human nature to want the unattainable. At the very least, ignore them while you walk away; if you can see your way clear to giving them a taste of your vast internal treasure, that'd be cool, too.

SAGITTARIUS NOV. 22-DEC. 21

Change is the key to our perception of time, especially in retrospect. Months practicing a quiet routine can seem like mere weeks when you look back at them, while a crazed fortnight can take up much more space in your memory, simply because you did (and changed) so much. Keep this curious dichotomy in mind as you consider the upcoming fork in the road: The quiet, rhythmic path will help you notice and cherish every moment, but may seem like a mere blip when you look back on it years from now, while the more adventurous road will leave you gasping for breath and wondering where the days have gone, but have you digesting memories for the rest of your life.

CAPRICORN DEC. 22-JAN. 19

You're not boring, but just like every Capricorn I've ever met, you occasionally (secretly) consider yourself the most lackluster, tedious and square person you know. This idea wasn't born out of nothing; you do have a facet that reflects that self-perception perfectly. But it's only a small part of you. The danger (this week and in the weeks to come) is that you spend too much time manifesting and working with that one tiny, tiresome part of yourself; consequently, you may start believing it is you, not just a slice of the whole. Avoid this lame conclusion by remembering to do lots of different things that will test your versatility and flexibility, not your efficiency and responsibility.

AQUARIUS JAN. 20-FEB. 18

Things feel more nailed down than they have in a year, don't they? That's because they are, for the moment. The important thing to remember is how quickly shit changes. Just last week you were feeling like the world was your oyster, or at least rife with potential. This week, sadly, that potential is eroded and pinned under heavy weights of responsibility and fear. But those burdens can dissolve (or be resolved) nearly as swiftly as they manifested. So just sit tight. Your view to the horizon is momentarily obstructed by looming obstacles. Trust that it's still there, and so is the path to it. You just have to wait until you've rounded the next bend in the road.

PISCES FEB. 19-MARCH 20

Your problems, lately, are fractal in nature. You can delve into them, but you'll just see more of the same, and more of the same again if you go deeper than that-ultimately arriving at the same solution you thought of originally, only immensely more complicated by all the folds and convolutions you uncovered in the (mostly unnecessary) process. Sometimes (most of the time, even) it's good to pry, and pick things apart, and arrive, eventually, at the root causes of your troubles. However, that's simply not the case at the moment; tracing your problems back will just return you to the starting point-only much more exhausted and freaked than when you began.

ARIES MARCH 21-APRIL 19

Don't start sleeping under your bed. Even though someone is doing their best to make you feel like a monster, there's no need to move in with the ones already living there, nor join company with any skeletons inhabiting your closet. I've never met an evil Aries-nor has the person who's pissed off with you; they're just angry as hell, not actually convinced of your hellish intentions. You goofy Rams can fuck up, certainly and royally; you can also sometimes be insensitive, rude and even accidentally mean. But, evil-nope. When this label is chucked in your direction this week, duck; it doesn't belong to you.

TAURUS APRIL 20-MAY 20

Grudges are never worth it. No matter how you manage them, no matter your proficiencies at vengeance or punishment; they always hurt you more than they hurt the other person. Of course, it seems different, since ostensibly you're the one dishing out the damage (both to yourself and your adversary), but does it really matter how you got hurt? In the end, you've got wounds to contend with, heal and work around-wounds that simply wouldn't be there if you'd just let the matter drop. You're burdened enough; brush any chips off your shoulder this week, and get on with your life.

GEMINI MAY 21-JUNE 20

Could your week be any more simple? Trust things to be about as uncomplicated and straightforward as they get, this week. Your problems will respond to the simplest solutions, if they present themselves at all, and any minor obstacles will be so small you can just step over them, rather than alter your course. Resist the temptation to add layers of complexity out of habit; that's pointless and, in some ways, utterly ridiculous. Enjoy the chance to avoid overthinking things, as is your wont, and just play, work, eat, sleep, fuck and more or less take joyful advantage of a universe in balance (for once).

CANCER JUNE 21-JULY 22

Absolute neutrality is nigh unto impossible for you, yet you must persist in it. You've been surprisingly good, so far, about adamantly refusing to get involved in a conflict whose opposing sides are both close to you. Each adversary (even while, perversely, professing otherwise) desperately wants your validation, support, or alliance. Resist any attempt to draw you in (and they could pull out some seriously sneaky shit) this week, because even a slightly biased comment could lead to absolute disaster, for you and them. If you find you've been tricked into lending your support to either party, quickly laugh and declare you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. If you do it convincingly (and back away swiftly) enough you should be able to avoid total catastrophe.

LEO JULY 23-AUG. 22

Your dirty secret's out, probably to the person you're least comfortable with knowing it: It's embarrassing how subject you are, still, to the opinions of others. What they think shouldn't matter, you know, yet somehow it just does. Don't be too hard on yourself; to some extent, it's how you're wired. Because you're partially fueled by the faith of others, you can shine in ways that aren't available to other signs, but you're also subject to bouts with inner darkness when that belief-fuel runs out. Sadly, as you've probably already discovered, this week is one of those times. Luckily, though, you're quite likely (with the help of whoever outed you) to discover a new source of inner self-confidence that's totally independent of outside influence. o