Picks

Wednesday July 28

Patrice O'Neal

Taking his act uptown to the high-rent Caroline's, funnyman Patrice O'Neal is dropping the hipster-baiting barbs that first defined his show at Ludlow St. dives. Rather than resort to stand-up stand-bys, O'Neal uses his set to forward his own theories about women and their terrorist-like control over men. Hilarious and raw, the bit would no doubt tank in the hands of a lesser comedian. To be honest, it almost doesn't stretch to a full set, but O'Neal keeps it moving and funny, stopping only to diss disgruntled female audience members, Don Rickles-style. 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100, 9:30, $17 + 2 drink min.

Thursday July 29

Moistscape

Four types of moss are spread over steel sheets, then suspended at angles in a closed, translucent room. The floor is covered with shredded black rubber. A hydraulic device pumps cold, wet air into the space. DUMBO-based architecture collective Freecell made all this to create Moistscape, a uniquely urban organic experience. The moss drips with life even as it's sitting on steel in mid-air, while stepping over unexpectedly soft terrain that smells nevertheless like a Costco tire shop. Comforting and jarring and only around for a few more days, brave the hike to far-west Chelsea, the elevator operator and endless white corridors of the building to check it out. Henry Urbach Architecture, 526 W. 26th St. (10th Ave.), 10th Fl., 212-627-0974, 10-6, free.

American Pop

The Buggles lied. Video didn't kill the radio star; it was a double suicide, with both parties equally culpable. The Museum of Television & Radio looks at the oft-rocky relationship tv has had with pop stars. Brighter moments include the allegation that juvenile crime was halted by the Beatles' first Ed Sullivan Show appearance. Less bright ones include Janet at the Superbowl, which gives the word "pop" a whole new meaning. Dark ones include American Idol, and how the media feeds off of today's pop-star scandals like a mosquito feeds on blood. 25 W. 52nd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-621-6600, 4, $10, $8 st./s.c.

Friday July 30

Romeo and Juliet

The 100-member Universal Ballet of Korea returns to New York with "Romeo and Juliet," as choreographed by Oleg Vinogradov and accompanied by a 60-piece symphony orchestra performing to Sergei Prokofiev's enchanting score. Universal Ballet initially performed the Shakespearean classic as part of the arts component of the 2002 FIFA Korea/Japan World Cup. This time the performance celebrates Universal's 20th anniversary and promises to be the "dance event of the summer"-or a two hour and forty-five minute nightmare involving a bunch of Asians dancing in your head. NY State Theater, 20 Lincoln Center (B'way & 64th St.), 212-870-5570, 8, $25-$75.

Alice Donut

Way back in the salad days of the 90s, some of us were convinced that Alice Donut was the greatest rock 'n' roll ensemble ever conceived (and that they and Jesus Lizard would conquer the world). Hindsight may be 20/20, but Donut's Jello Biafra-singing-Zeppelin karaoke attack doesn't sound the least bit dated. Their last album was recorded on an iMac but- well, it sounds like it was recorded on an iMac. Hopefully, they'll dip into their bizarro back catalog (available for listening on their website for nothing). No telling if lead singer Tomas will wear his trademark raincoat, or if they'll update the lyrics of "The Son of a Disgruntled Ex-Postal Worker Reflects on his Life While Getting Stoned in the Parking Lot of a Winn Dixie Listening to Metallica" in light of Lars' battle with Napster. CBGB, 315 Bowery (betw. 1st & 2nd Sts.), 212-982-4052, 8, $12.

Lee Bontecou: A Retrospective

From the Whitney's recent Jay DeFeo show (she worked on The Rose for seven-plus years, until the painting weighed more than a ton) to P.S.1's Lee Lozano exhibit (who signaled her abandonment of the art world with Dropout Piece in 1971) to MOMA's Lee Bontecou retrospective (the first time anyone's seen what she's been working on for the past 30-odd years), there seems to be extra tribute paid to reclusive female artists. Luckily Bontecou is still alive (unlike DeFeo and Lozano) to benefit from the overdue attention. Her first in-depth retrospective features the range of her output-from her welded steel sculptures from the 60s and 70s to more recent drawings and suspended pieces-to show an artist that, in her 70s, can claim to be in her second prime. 33 St. (Queens Blvd.), Long Island City, 212-708-9400, 10-7:45, $12, $8.50 st./s.c.

Saturday July31

Them!

American filmmakers for some reason rarely do a very good job with giant radioactive monsters. The Japanese used them as metaphors, but in the U.S. they were just big animals made big by electricity or a secret growth serum. One of the rare exceptions to the rule was Gordon Douglas' Cold War masterpiece, THEM!, which celebrates its 50th anniversary this year. After a number of people begin disappearing in the American Southwest, all evidence points to a colony of giant ants. So a group of scientists, military personnel and FBI agents set about trying to get the mutant pests under control before they can do any more damage-which isn't nearly so simple as you'd think, especially after two queens escape and fly away. With James Whitmore, James Arness, Joan Weldon, Fess Parker, a creepy little mute girl and surprisingly effective special effects that still put Bert I. Gordon to shame. American Museum of the Moving Image, 35 Ave. (36 St.), Astoria, 718-784-0077, 4, $10, $7.50 st./s.c.

Dealbraker

Do you remember the scene in Billy Madison where Adam Sandler pulls up to high school in a t-top, throws his jacket back over his shoulders and blares Billy Squier's "Stroke?" So does Dealbraker, the new rock band fronted by Jesse Gordon (Johnny Saliva & the Maggots). Think Northampton in 1998 and the Unband playing naked (only cock-rockier). The boys are back in town (shit, yeah, they like Thin Lizzy) tonight after a summer tour of the Jersey shore at The Hook. 18 Commerce St. (betw. Richard & Columbia Sts.), Red Hook, 718-797-3007, 10, $10.

Sunday August 1

Entertaining Science: Borders

Molecular biophysicist Michael Klein has spliced the genes of science and cabaret and invented a new hybrid species that we call "science cabaret." In doing so, he has achieved what was previously thought impossible: making science interesting and cabaret entertaining. His tools include models of cell structures, demonstrations of how cells self-assemble, and the piano- and audio-processing team of Shoko Nagai and Satoshi Takeishi. This is fun for mad scientists of all ages. Cornelia St. Cafe, 29 Cornelia St. (6th Ave.), 212-989-9318, 6, $10.

Monday August 2

Slavic Soul Party

Who knew that in addition to beautiful women, nasty food and a post-Soviet bloc economic hangover that the Slavs also had horns, fun and funk? Apparently, whoever books the shows at Barbès did. Matt Moran leads a Balkan brass band through exuberant funk showstoppers. This is the first night of their month-long residence at Park Slope's worst-kept secret, and the vibe is advertised as "strong as Slivovitz." No word on whether the plum brandy will be served, but this beast from the East will have you swaying either way. 376 9th St. (6th Ave.), Park Slope, 718-965-9177, 8, $8 sugg. don.

Only We Who Guard the Mystery Shall Be Unhappy

We don't care much that it's a benefit for MoveOn. Or that it's the first scene from Tony Kushner's Only We Who Guard the Mystery Shall Be Unhappy. We're going to this antiwar fundraiser to see John Cameron Mitchell in drag as Laura Bush. We saw him perform at April's Wed-Rock benefit, which he helped organize, and he charmed the pants off us. Figuratively, that is. A Q&A with Kushner follows the performance. American Airlines Theater, 227 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-719-1300, 8, $25.

The Sympathizers

Follow us here: "Allen Smithee" is the pseudonym allowed for directors who, for whatever reason, don't wish to be associated with a film they made. A couple years ago, Jeremy Braddock co-edited a book called Directed by Allen Smithee, which used the fictional Smithee as the centerpoint for an examination of auterist theory; it was as entertaining as it was heady. Braddock is one half of the Sympathizers. In a Borgesian, smart-guy sort of way, it all ties together: The Sympathizers' music is of that minimal, post-Suicide brand of smart-guy pop, with catchy hooks and brainiac vocals. Entertaining but kinda heady, see? Tonight, they play at Stinger with DJ Don Q. 241 Grand St. (betw. Driggs Ave. & Roebling St.), Williamsburg, 718-218-6662, 9, $5.

Tuesday August 3

The Arab-Israeli Orchestra of Nazareth

We can think of about 76 million less relaxing ways to spend a summer evening than listening to classical, traditional and folk Arabic music played on acoustic instruments. Formed in 1990 by Suheil Radwan and featuring violinist Nizar Radwan and singer Lubna Salameh, the Arab-Israeli Orchestra of Nazareth brings together the finest Arab, Jewish and Muslim musicians and singersÊfrom Nazareth and Galilee, two cities that have been creating beautiful music since this island was a mosquito swamp. Central Park SummerStage, 72nd St. (Midpark), 212-360-2777, 6, free.

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Lara Farrar, Jim Knipfel, Andrew LaVallee, Aaron Lovell, Tanya Richardson and Alexander Zaitchik.