Picks
16TH ANNUAL VEHICLE & EQUIPMENT SHOW
Very odd, indeed. Here we are in metropolitan, elitist New York, drinking lattes and eating foie gras, and right in the middle of the Northeast corridor is a goddamn tractor show. Trucks, trailers and big yellow mechanical things will be on display. Horticultural equipment, too. Is this a harbinger of a new trend? Are Williamsburg kids gonna start rocking manure-splattered overalls and John Deere scooters? Oh, right-this is a harbinger of an old trend. Randall's Island, Under Triborough Bridge, E. River (betw. Manhattan & Queens), 212-360-8223, 9 a.m, free.
HEPATITIS C
Your liver has been feeling funny. Suddenly, you remember the time you shared a tattoo needle with Tommy Lee in the Dr. Feelgood era of Mötley Crüe. Oh no, you think, "It's the dreaded hep." Head, post haste, to Rockefeller University, where experts will discuss research and treatment of the Pamela Anderson disease. And sorry to blow what might be a surprise ending, but there is no cure. Caspary Auditorium, Rockefeller University, 66th St. (York Ave.), 212-327-7047, 7, free.
ANDREW WK
Does the enthusiasm of Andrew WK know no bounds? Is he excited to eat his Frosted Flakes in the morning? Does he get dour thinking about how he's no longer anybody's idea of a media darling? Our guess is no. He will lord over the sweaty throngs singing along to his death-metal-meets-Billy-Joel insta-matic anthems with a smile on his face and a bottle of something potent and brown in his hand. It doesn't matter what's cool; the walls are going to shake and you will be a bruised ball of pure rock joy. With Murphy's Law, No Motiv, Fireball Ministry. Irving Plaza, 17 Irving Plaza (15th St.), 212-777-6800, 8, $22, $20 adv.
VELVET REVOLVER
It remains to be seen whether this collection of 80s rock royalty-Slash, Duff and Matt from Guns N' Roses plus cracky himself, Scott Weiland, with Dave Kushner working the axe, dood-can re-inject the guitar solo into top 40 radio, but they're going to make millions trying. Which number is bigger: the combined ages of these five scraggly faced, faded "musicians," or 250? Ooh, too close to call. Roseland Ballroom, 239 W. 52nd St. (betw. B'way & 8th Ave.), 212-307-7171, 8, sold out.
THURSDAY MAY 27
END OF LIFE CHOICES
The colors and smiling faces on the End of Life Choices website are surprisingly cheery, considering that the group is all about suicide. It looks like the official site for a pharmaceutical company, and the URL is hemlock.org. Obviously, these people are either totally clueless or have a wicked sense of gallows humor. Tonight they're regaling the general public with suicide-solution talk sponsored by the heathen hipsters that call themselves the NYC Atheists. 325 7th Ave., (betw. 29th & 30th Sts.) 16th Fl., 325 7th Ave., 212-330-6794, 6:30, $10 don.
PLAYGROUND MAGAZINE LAUNCH PARTY
Just because Times Square got a wax job doesn't mean New York is no longer a dirty, shameful place with seedy basement and corner businesses galore. Playground magazine, a new publication helmed by "esteemed smutmeister" and club promoter Abby Ehmann, launches tonight. The goal is to show readers where all the porn stores, sex clubs and other kinky stuff ended up after being swept under the rug. Musical acts the Bravery, Drop Dead Gorgeous and Erocktica bring aural pleasures. Fetish fashion, spoken word, performance art, sideshow stunts and the possibility of nudity will be a feast for the eyes. Arlene's Grocery, 95 Stanton St. (betw. Ludlow & Orchard Sts.), 212-358-1633, 8, $7.
FRIDAY MAY 28
CRITICAL MASS
The second-worst thing about Critical Mass is that it only happens once a month. The worst thing about it is that it happens every month. That means that in January some smash-the-state cyclist gets frozen to his bike frame and it takes a whole team of his vegan comrades to peel him off. But now the sun is shining and the air is bearably muggy. All the ingredients are present for a pleasant activist promenade. Reclaim the streets, slow down the traffic. This Critical Mass is said to head all the way to the Bronx, so pace yourself-and enjoy. Meet at Union Square Park North at 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 212-802-8222, 7, free.
LOWER EAST SIDE FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS
Depending on who you are, the ninth-annual Lower East Side Festival is a godsend or the most obnoxious thing to hit the face of the planet-ever. We're sort of leaning toward the latter, but the lineup is too expansive and strange to ignore: ZEROboy, who does the most annoying yet compelling mouth sound effects since that black dude from Police Academy; burlesque betties the Wau Wau Sisters, whose filthy lyrics, acrobatic contortions and genuine hotness make them the only burlesque act we can stomach; and F. Murray Abraham. Yeah, that F. Murray Abraham. Plus dozens more. See theaterforthenewcity.net for more details. Theater for the New City, 155 1st Ave. (betw. 9th & 10th Sts.), 212-254-1109, 6-1 a.m., free.
SATURDAY MAY 29
FROGS & BUTTERFLIES
It sounds almost like a discarded Hannibal Lecter monologue, but, no! It's this weekend at the American Museum of Natural History. This is the only weekend where the butterfly exhibit overlaps with the frog exhibit. Will the intermingling of species be tragic or beautiful? If it were an experiment in gene splicing it would definitely be tragic, but as a display of animals behind glass, we figure everything's gonna be just fine. Central Park W. (79th St.), 212-769-5100, 10-5:45, $29, $22 st./s.c.
REV. HORTON HEAT
Ever had a really good joke that you kept telling and telling and telling until you realized with a sickening thud that it was totally unable to produce laughs? That seems to be the career trajectory of the Rockabilly Reverend. A bracing but refreshing gust of stale air when he first duck-walked out of Texas, Horton's seeming inability to diversify has landed him on the Cartoon Network and the $1.99 used-CD bins of college record stores nationwide. Maybe if your uncle who used to be cool is in town, this would be the show to let him rock like it's 1992. With the Detroit Cobras, Mr. Airplane Man. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St. (betw. Bowery & Chrystie St.), 212-533-2111, 10, $25, $20 adv.
TRAVELING SIDESHOW: SHOCKED AND AMAZED
Jeff Krulik, the man responsible for Heavy Metal Parking Lot, the greatest documentary ever made, is back with a movie about sideshow feats of derring do. It's based on the work of Baltimore sideshow expert and participant, James Taylor, and his Shocked and Amazed On and Off the Midway series. As if everything in the universe were perfect, it's being screened tonight at Coney Island, and Taylor himself will be on hand to answer questions. And popcorn is free! Coney Island Museum, 1208 Surf Ave. (Stillwell Ave.), Coney Island, 718-372-5159, 8:30, $5.
SUNDAY MAY 30
THE GOOD NORTH
Like the Smiths? Of course you do, you big crybaby. On their new EP Life Outside Our Walls, Boston's britpop bastions the Good North channel (in descending order of hipness) Moz & Marr, Smith & Gallup, Bono & the Edge, as well as those two guys in the Get Up Kids. Also, in a brilliant feng shui move, the organizers are tastefully balancing the heavy alterna-mope vibe with a burlesque show from the girls of Burningangel.com. The band will, through their lyrics, intently gaze at their navels while the audience gawks at other body parts. With My Favorite, Americana, the Harlem Snakes & DJs Jess, Malfunction and Ultragrrl. Don Hill's, 511 Greenwich St (Spring St.), 212-219-2850, 8, $5.
DANGER MOUSE & JEMINI
Danger Mouse has been stirring some shit up recently with the now infamous Grey Album, an okay mash-up of Jay-Z's mediocre Black Album on top of samples from the Beatles' way-overrated White Album. Every college kid in the country downloaded it, and Danger Mouse blew up like a guy smoking a cigarette at a gas station. Danger Mouse and Brooklyn-born MC Jemini are on the road supporting Ghetto Pop Life, a record seemingly lost in the hype surrounding the Grey Album. Don't expect Beatles samples or Hova a capella, but Danger Mouse's production and Jemini's flow will no doubt compensate. With J-Zone and Prince Po. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St. (betw. Bowery & Chrystie St.), 212-533-2111, 9, $15.
MONDAY MAY 31
MADISON AVE. COMMUNITY EXPO
If all goes to plan, NYC streets will be devoid of street fairs later this summer as the balls-to-the-wall GOP Convention crackdown continues. Get your street fair fix today on the roadway Daryl Hannah named herself after in Splash. When summer comes, where will people buy all-in-one cleaning solutions, reggae CDs and corn dogs? Where will thousands of New Yorkers aimlessly wander (and eat) for hours on end? The Republicans want to have their little pow-wow in the world's greatest city, but in the process they're doing their best to make sure NYC becomes like Houston. And we mean Houston with a "hue," not a "how." Madison Ave. (betw. 42nd & 57th Sts.), 212-809-4900, 11-6, free.
TUESDAY JUNE 1
DON CABALLERO
The last time Don Cab rolled through these parts, we were justifiably worried. Their recent product was cold, mechanical crap, and the new touring iteration only included one original member. Luckily, it was the drummer. We gave it a lukewarm, conflicted pick, not sure if it would be raucous math metal or more guitar tap wank rock. Then we saw the show, and they brought the rock. The indie rock session hacks on guitar and bass created brutal swarms of music and hit every off-time cue. The drumming was hectic and hellish. The Don is back. Accept no imitations. With Desert Fathers, Traindodge. Northsix, 66 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-599-5103, 9, $12.