Parties to cuddle, not do the nasty

In a city where debauchery and alternative sexuality are as common as a twenty-four hour diner, where in a single weekend, you can attend a masturbation workshop, find a sensual massage partner on Craigslist, and take part in an orgy, what is the point of a cuddle party? I have enough friends and lovers to fill my weekly cuddle quota; why pay $20 to cuddle with strangers for a few hours and leave without even the chance to indulge in some erotic fondling? Such was my thinking when I rsvp'd for my first Cuddle Party.

Cuddle Party is a relatively new phenomenon that began two years ago conceived by relationship-cum-sex coaches Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski. Since then, cuddle parties have been sweeping the nation. So, what is a cuddle party? Basically, it's like a slumber party for adults, sans alcohol and sex.

When I arrived with my friend Bill at Reid and Marcia's place, an attractive, tall blond guy wearing a superman T-shirt and doggie pajama pants greeted us with a smile that would get him a print job for toothpaste. After we signed in and paid our cuddle fee, I said hello to my long-term lover Mike and got a peek at the rest of the cuddle crew-a diverse mix of men and women ranging from their 20s to 40s, all sitting on the sleeping-bag covered floor or on a mattress draped with a hippie tapestry, where they were chatting among pillows and stuffed animals. I changed into my cozy red flannel pj's and plopped myself down on an enormous stuffed puppy in between Bill and a woman wearing monkey pajama pants. My eyes wandered from another woman holding a teddy bear to a Smurf sleeping bag, and suddenly I had a flashback to a fifth grade sleepover.

The Cuddle Party officially began with the "Welcome Circle." Marcia, cute and petite (very cuddleable), radiated a warm energy as she led the group in an introduction to each other, addressed frequently asked questions and concerns, and presented the rules. Rules? Ech! When I was first informed of these rules, I was reminded of summer camp and the eponymous dating guide for women desperate to get married. I am not a "rules" person, so my only pre-Cuddle Party concern was that the vibe would be too rigid or New Agey workshoppy. Some of the rules are obvious, like "no sex" and "pajamas stay on the whole time." Others are not so obvious, like "you must ask permission and receive a verbal yes before you touch anyone" a la Antioch College in the '90s. And then there is the ridiculously funny "NO DRY HUMPING!" as if we're a bunch of dogs running wild in the dog park on a Sunday afternoon.

My skepticism melted into a respect for the necessary structure of a situation in which strangers have the freedom to touch each other. The silliness also helps put people at ease. Although there were a few veteran cuddlers, most of us were FTC's (first-time cuddlers). Our backgrounds were as diverse as our reasons for being there. There was an Indian grad student, a woman from Zimbabwe, a Ukrainian woman, a couple of musicians, a few writers and a flight attendant. Some people had professional incentives (their work was somehow relevant). Most of us had heard of Cuddle Party through a friend and were curious. Although nobody said so, I'm sure some of the single people were hoping to meet someone with whom they could cuddle on a regular basis. One woman said she was feeling a loss of touch in her life.

Apparently she's not the only one suffering from snuggly-wuggly deprivation. Reid and Marcia affirm this deficit on the cuddle party website: "In a society that is increasingly touch-phobic, many of us aren't getting our Recommended Daily Allowance of welcomed touch ? Cuddle Parties seek to change that in a way that's conscious, healthy and nutritious."

Nutritious, indeed. Grapes, chocolate-chip cookies, popcorn, orange juice and the possibility of tasting a stranger's smelly foot. I noticed an unsavory odor of the bodily nature and wondered who was breaking Rule 13: Be hygienically savvy. However, it wasn't bad enough for me to make a stink to the "Cuddle Lifeguard" (Marcia) whose primary duty is to maintain the integrity of the space and diffuse sexual energy should a couple of cuddlers start dry humping on the Smurf bag. At the end of the Welcome Circle, we did some exercises that eased the transition to official cuddling. Soon we were pretending to be cows, mooing and tipping each other over, at which point Reid turned up the Zen music and we were now in full-fledged cuddle mode.

I did not cuddle right away. I didn't have the burning desire to cuddle with anyone in particular, not even Mike or Bill. I was sitting on the edge of the mattress, conversing with Bill and a woman when I felt compelled to offer Bill a hand massage. Surprisingly, most people were engaging in conversation but no touching. A few were on the mattress, spooning and caressing. I noticed Mike on the floor with Ms. Monkey Pants, face to face, their arms around each other. After a while I was invited to join the bodies on the mattress. I wedged myself in between Reid and Ajoy, the Indian guy. I can't say that this was a mind-blowing experience. I can't say that I felt a powerful connection with these people. I can say, however, that it was unlike anything I have ever experienced, only because there was this collective anticipation to cuddle. Soon I found myself receiving a vigorous head massage from Ajoy, and after he completely distorted my pigtails, I was sitting against the wall with his head in my lap. He was a little too touchy-feely for my taste, and I was almost certain he was the one with smelly feet. So I excused myself and went to the kitchen for a cookie.

The cookies and pajamas helped maintain a non-sexual vibe. I did not experience any arousal. I didn't even kiss anyone. I don't know about everyone else; Bill seemed to be pretty intensely entwined with the beauty from Zimbabwe, but to my surprise, nobody was making out. There was no need for the Cuddle Lifeguard to blow the whistle. I wondered if it might have been different if more guys had showed up. Cuddle Party is designed to be gender balanced, but due to some male no-shows, there were five men and eight women. Mike asked Marcia if there was ever a need to diffuse sexual energy. Throughout Cuddle Party history, there has not been a single case of frottage. This I find most fascinating.

With Brazilian music soaring and the comfort level at a high, Reid and Marcia announced that it was time for the "Puppy Pile." We were directed to recline on the floor so that we become one big mass of cuddle-happy people. As I lay on top of Reid, with my right arm around Bill and my left hand touching Mike, I thought, "This is what it's all about." As cheesy as it may sound, I had that warm-fuzzy feeling, especially with the songs "Imagine" and "Rainbow Connection" as accompaniment.

Cuddle Party is about intimacy. Because in a city of sex parties and drunken one-night stands, intimacy can get lost in the shuffle. For those who are touch-deprived, Cuddle Party can be a powerful healing session. The world needs more Cuddle Parties and genuinely open people like Reid and Marcia. There is a time and place for erotic fondling with strangers. Afterward, Mike and I went back to my place and, well, cuddled to our hearts' content.