LOWLIFE: What it Means to be a Libertine

A libertine is not a whore, nor is she a slut, skank or tease. A libertine is a sexually charged being-sexually driven, sexually inspired and most definitely sexually open. She has a sexual self-awareness that belies her quiet nature. She may even seem demure at times, but a single look or bawdy remark will shock you into seeing the truth-this woman is not as innocent as she seems. She delights in the dance of seduction, revels in the thrill of romance and rejoices in the ecstasy of tingling sensations. All this she indulges without ever losing her cool, elusive demeanor. She is never overbearing, clingy or cloying. She knows when the moment is hers, and she knows when it has escaped. She knows when it is not there at all, and she knows that if there is no moment, there is no point. She lives for the moments-moments of connection, seduction, surrender, conquest. When she says something as forward as, "You make me wet" or "He's always a great fuck" or even the sweet double entendre of "Thank you for coming. I do hope you come again soon," she is bold and proud, yet graceful.

A libertine is selective; her partners in pleasure must have great intellects, creative tendencies and interesting ideas. Sleeping with somebody simply for his or her good looks may be satisfying once or twice, but ultimately this practice is a waste of time. She would rather masturbate to thoughts of two or three or four of the intriguing bedmates she is currently entertaining than bring home Random Guy #23 from a bar just because he is gorgeous, and she's horny. "I don't have to do that," she says frankly, with an aristocratic air.

A libertine may be a romantic dreamer, a cynic, a femme fatale, a goddess, a voyeur, an exhibitionist. She can be candid, cold, aloof, manipulative, intimidating, kinky, mysterious, seductive, dominant, submissive, loving and generous. No matter what she may be at any given moment, she is always authentic, always honest.

She may be cruel at times, but her cruelty is a result of honesty; she does not believe in cheating. "A relationship is not a game or a test. If we are honest and open, there is no such thing as cheating." She will never say, "I'll be faithful, darling. I only want to be with you now and forever!" She can say, however, "I only want to be with you, right now," if that is indeed the truth of the moment. Yet, the person who hears these words is foolish to assume that they extend beyond the moment or imply exclusivity.

A libertine must be bisexual, but a bisexual need not be a libertine. Bisexuality does not mean that a libertine must be promiscuous (although she may be at times). There are plenty of monogamous bisexuals in the world. Bisexuality is about openness, and since a libertine is reputed for her freedom, limiting herself to one gender is like limiting herself to one food group. She's no more bound to one gender as she is to one bed.

Since bisexual women seem to be more in demand than bisexual men, it is more common for a libertine to be female. Men with a libertine nature are usually either gay or straight "players," which is a different breed entirely. Players rely on ambiguity, mendacity and vulnerability in their sexual meanderings. A player is the sort of character who will call a woman two hours before a "pajama party" and say, "Hey chica, there's this sexy party tonight and I was wondering?if you want to join me?I think you'll enjoy it?" Then a week later, when she calls him on a Tuesday to see if he wants to go out for dinner on Friday, he's swamped with work and says he'll call back but never does.

A libertine has few inhibitions. (I may go so far as to say that she has none.) She believes in the beauty of nakedness and is completely comfortable with her body in its natural state. She is as comfortable being naked with one person with whom she has been intimate for a long time as she is on stage or in a room full of strangers (provided that the strangers aren't gawking, lecherous perverts).

By conforming to the standards of modern sexual practice, a libertine is clean, safe, and takes reasonable precautions, but she is not excessively worried about the possibility of undesirable consequences. She would rather enjoy the risk of having multiple sex partners than miss the pleasures of varied sexual experience. Her safe practice gives her peace of mind, and she does not dwell on the horrors of possibility. Instead, she is preoccupied with the idea that monogamy is death and deceit is anathema.

So, what is a libertine? She understands that dishonesty and deception are far more painful than the open awareness that you are not her one and only sex partner. She may be cruel, but she has compassion, and is free. At least, freedom is her desire, her lifelong quest: free to experience, free to roam, free to love, free to leave. Free from guilt, jealousy and deception. Free with others and free within her self. This is she. She is me. I am a libertine.

Are You A Libertine?

Here's a handy dandy quiz to discover your libertine status. It's like one of those women's mag columns, but about real sex, not some contrived fantasy. Be sure to read the tips at the end.

1.You feel comfortable being naked in the presence of others:

a) Rarely. I can barely stand to be naked with myself (only with my significant other in the dark).

b) Anywhere, with my sex partner, as long as there is nobody else around.

c) With my lover, and occasionally one other person (as in a threesome). Oh, and also in the sauna and I guess in the doctor's office (depending on the doctor).

d) In the sauna, in the doctor's office, on the massage table, on stage, in a room full of strangers, in a cab, on a beach, at a Spencer Tunick photo shoot, at an orgy?

2. You are the envy of your friends because:

a) You get laid a lot with very little effort.

b) You don't have a panic attack when someone you slept with doesn't call the day after.

c) You are married to a billionaire and live in Gramercy Park.

d) You never lose your Audrey Hepburn physique, no matter what you consume.

3. Would you ever consider going to a sex party?

a) No way! That's disgusting!

b) Been there, done that. Of course I'm always open to it, as long as I'm in the right mood.

c) Only to observe.

d) Sex Party? What's that?

4. Your ideal vacation is:

a) Adventurous travel to some place exotic with a lover or by myself.

b) Disneyworld, with or without the kids.

c) A sensual spa retreat.

d) Herding the sheep on Brokeback Mountain.

5. On a typical Saturday night, you:

a) Get wasted at a dive bar in the East Village, occasionally waking up next to a stranger Sunday morning.

b) Read or watch TV at home alone before retiring by midnight.

c) I don't have a typical Saturday night.

d) A romantic dinner with my significant other then we take turns tying each other up and giving each other golden showers.

6. Your life is most like the film:

a) Deep Throat

b) Henry and June

c) American Pie

d) The 40-Year-Old Virgin

7. The number of people you have had sex with is in the range of (yes, oral sex counts):

a) 10-15

b) One

c) 35-50

d) I have no idea...in the thousands?

SCORING: Using the key below, count how many of your answers correspond to each number. Whichever number you have the most of is your libertine status. If you have a tie or fairly even amounts of each number, check out all the advice. Check out all the advice anyway (you know you want to).

1) a = 4, b = 3, c = 2, d = 1

2) a = 2, b = 1, c = 4, d = 3

3) a = 4, b = 1, c = 2, d = 3

4) a = 1, b = 4, c = 2, d = 3

5) a = 3, b = 4, c = 1, d = 2

6) a = 2, b = 1, c = 4, d = 3

7) a = 2, b = 4, c = 1, d = 3

Mostly 1s: Congratulations! You are a bona fide libertine. Just remember that honesty and fairness to all lovers will serve everyone well.

Mostly 2s: oh, oh, oooh, ahh, yes, yes, oh, ohh, OH, Ohhhh?almost there, but not quite. You still have a few repressions to work through. The romantic side is a plus; it offsets your tendency to indulge in sexual excess. Next time you're at a sex party, try making a non-sexual connection with someone instead of masturbating alone.

Mostly 3s: You're all over the place, fishing for tadpoles with a hook, line and sinker. Promiscuity is only noble when you're a porn star. Think of ways you can be more subtle. Instead of getting wasted every Saturday night, only get drunk enough so you remember the pleasure of the stranger in your bed.

Mostly 4s: You are far from being a libertine. Whether it's severe repression or you're just not into sex, you're missing out. I suggest therapy to work on your self-image. You can't be completely comfortable being naked with someone if you're not comfortable being naked with yourself. Then if you can stand to look at your naked self in the mirror, try a masturbation workshop; it's the safest sex, and you just might learn something.