Little Gray Book's "Europe vs. America"; Various Shakespeares; Celebrate the Fourth: Firworks, Declaration of Independence, Hotdog Eaters Weigh In; 5-Ton Giglio in Williamsburg; Noodle Lessons; Carmina Burana

You know that the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest takes place July 4th, at noon in Coney Island. (If you don't, what's wrong with you? Competitive eating is America's fastest-growing sport.) What you might not know is that the weigh-in for the competition takes place at City Hall on July 3. All of the eaters, including last year's champion, 131-pound Takeru Kobiyashi (50 hotdogs in 12 minutes), will be weighed and certified by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. Mayor Bloomberg will be on hand to welcome world leaders from Japan, Thailand and Germany, and free hotdogs will be distributed. It goes down (smoothly, we hope) this Wednesday at City Hall at noon. Park Row (B'way).

School's out, but you can't get away from Shakespeare, no-how. First, we've got dueling Twelfth Nights?the all-star production in Central Park with Kristen Johnston, Christopher Lloyd, Julia Stiles, Jimmy Smits and Oliver Platt at the Delacorte Theater, 81st St. (Central Park W.), 539-8750; free, tkts. req., and a plucky alternative version that Expanded Arts is doing in the Municipal Parking Lot, Ludlow St. (betw. Broome & Delancey Sts.), www.ludlowten.org; free. (A third, mobile version of the play just closed last week.) Meanwhile, the Aquila Theatre Co.'s Comedy of Errors gets under way at CSC's theater, 136 E. 13th St. (betw. 3rd & 4th Aves.), 239-6200; $45. What, you want to know if any of them is any good? Oh, get a life, for God's sake.

Okay, we've heard all the reasons why a huge Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks Spectacular is kind of a spooky idea this year, New Yorkers supposedly being kind of skittish and all around loud bangs. And the theme, "A Time for Heroes," while well-intentioned, feels a bit off. Blowing things up to honor people who were?blown up? But then again, if New York City ever needed a big, patriotic night of Magic Fireflies, Amber Rays, Timed Rain, Falling Leaves, Wicked Wasps?not to mention those goofy smiley faces and peace signs, which we hope return?this is the summer for it. The East River spectacle begins around 9:20 p.m. It will include a 30-second pause of silence to remember the fallen. If you don't have a handy rooftop, join the crowd on the FDR Dr. between 23rd and 42nd Sts., or on the promenade in Brooklyn Heights, if you can stake out standing room.

When in the course of a four-day weekend you need some way to help digest all that nitrosamine you picnicked on on the 4th, relax by looking over a genuine handwritten copy of the Declaration of Independence. Right after 7/4/1776, Thomas Jefferson sent out five or six copies, and the New York Public Library has one of the two intact copies known to exist. It's one of the greatest "fuck off" letters ever written, and looking over this incendiary document is a fabulous way to celebrate the 5th of July. Also on display are the first printed versions of the Declaration that appeared in Philadelphia and New York. Through July 13, in the Library's Wachenheim III Gallery, 5th Ave. (42nd St.), 930-0830; www.nypl.org.

It's one of the most striking, most authentically Old World Italian festivities still happening in America: the procession and "dance" of the six-story, 4-ton tower, the Giglio, rising up out of its boat, hauled around the streets of Williamsburg by more than 100 good Italian-Catholic men and boys to the caterwauling of an Italian brass band, all part of the Feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. This amazing, atavistic spectacle dates back hundreds of years to the town of Nola in Sicily, where they celebrate the release of San Paolino di Nola (his statue balances perilously atop the Giglio) from North African imprisonment. Italians have long memories that way, and Italian-Americans come from all over Long Island this Sun., July 7, at 1 p.m., to prove it. This is one "ethnic festival" that's really a unique experience. 275 N. 8th St. (Havemeyer St.), Williamsburg, 718-384-0223, www.olmcfeast.com.

Hot as it's been here lately, remember that our Asian brothers and sisters suffer much worse heat and humidity this time of year. As a gesture of sympathy, and a nod toward understanding, go learn about noodles from Japan, Vietnam and Thailand at "The Noodle Bowl," a three-hour noodle/cooking demonstration the Natural Gourmet Cookery School hosts on Mon., July 8. From 6:30-9:30, Hiroko Shimbo will explain the nuances of buckwheat, rice, egg and mung-bean noodles, then teach you how to make them into Japanese soba with vegetable tempura, Thai fried noodles, Thai crisp egg noodles with red curry and spicy mung-bean-noodle salad. Vegetarians are warned that some chicken and eggs will used. 48 W. 21st St., 2nd fl. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 645-5170; $80/$150 for two.

To classical music snobs this is heresy, but we think there's good reason certain classical tunes and opera arias gain mass popularity: they're fucking great songs. The last movement of Beethoven's 9th, Pachelbel's "Canon," the gorgeous "Viens, Malika" duet from Lakme?come on, what's not to like? It hasn't detracted from the mighty "Nessun dorma" one speck of its power that Pavarotti turned it into a global pop anthem. Unless you're an opera snob, in which case Puccini's beneath you anyway. Similarly, it hasn't detracted a whit from Carmina Burana's greatness that it's been used, abused, ripped and imitated in about a gajillion movie scores over the years. It even survived the Ray Manzarek rock opera treatment. One of the coolest, liveliest and at times even bawdiest choral works of the 20th century?part of its coolness coming from the way it sounds like it's from about the 12th century?Orff's signature piece is assayed by the New York Choral Society directed by Robert Bass on Tues., July 9, 7 p.m., at CAMI Hall. 165 W. 57th St. (betw. 6th &7th Aves.), 247-3878; $10.