Knipfel's Lou's True; Inedible RNC Spam; Confirmed: Our Readers Like Blowjobs; Who Needs Drudge?; Assorted Salvos & Kudos; More

Few readers of Herman Melville's 1853 short story, "Bartleby the Scrivener," are likely to believe that the improbable title character existed anywhere except in the writer's fervid imagination. Bartleby is a Wall Street clerk who takes up full-time residence in his office, and speaks to no one except to reply, "I prefer not to," whenever instructed by his boss to perform his drudgeries. He finally meets an obscure and silent end in the Tombs prison.

Any reader of Jim Knipfel's "A Man Full of Gentleness and Rage" ("Slackjaw," 6/26) who is similarly skeptical concerning the (former?) existence of Lou, the Bartleby-like ad salesman remembered therein, can cast all doubt aside. I, too, worked with Lou, in the classified department of the Village Voice, where he first perfected his nocturnal telemarketing skills?apparently to the displeasure of one early-retiring client who also happened to be a friend of the paper's then owner, Leonard Stern. Upon being informed of the customer complaint, and his resulting dismissal, Lou said only that he hadn't realized how serious his offense had been. I'm glad Lou has been appreciated in print at his subsequent place of employment. He showed no malice toward his coworkers, and more goodwill than many, whatever issues he may have had with God.

Jim Creegan, Manhattan

Not Very Patriotic of You

Mike Signorile: I have also received this garbage from the Republican National Committee ("The Gist," 6/26). I have sent replies several times to take me off their list, as I have been a Democrat for 25 years. What is going on?

Shirley Daguerre, Los Banos, CA

The NYC-Miami Connection

MUGGER: I have been remiss in failing to comment on how very much I enjoy your column. As often happens in the arena of ideas, those that first engage our attention are more often than not those that most offend our sensibilities. And I have accordingly been provoked to write on several occasions about the complete nonsense often argued in Michelangelo Signorile's column, and the functional equivalent of obscenities that too frequently lurk in Alexander Cockburn's columns.

I suppose it is incumbent on an alternative publication in a large city to offer a mix of diverse opinions to its audience. It appears to me that with Messrs. Signorile and Cockburn your paper has certainly proven itself "diverse" and open to all sorts of views, including even those held by such fools and knaves.

The MUGGER column, along with the reviews of, and comments on, happenings in NYC, are all well done and very enjoyable reads every Tuesday. Thanks for providing an interesting, well-written and -edited paper.

Terry Hinshaw, Miami Beach

You Mean at nypress.com?

New York Press does not need friggin' Matt Drudge ("MUGGER," 6/12)!! Guess what? I found my way to your site on my own.

Perry Lawrence, Palm Springs, CA

Choosy Beggar

I love reading New York Press online, and I cherish all of your deliciously conservative polemics. (Bush really showed 'em on Palestine. Now if he could just make Sarbanes disappear.)

I took special pleasure in the current blowjob article ("First Person," 6/26). How I would love to sample the white cliffs of Ms. Dover. The whole world should know just how ravenous and ravishing a 57-year-old woman can be.

Anyway, I suggest Ms. Dover pursue a sequel on what men want in a blowjob. Not specific techniques, but something more global. For example, I tell my countless female conquests that I look for three things in a blowjob:

1. Take your time. Lots of it.

2. Emote. Enthusiasm, glee, rapture or just loud slurping will do.

3. Swallow. Don't leave me high and wet.

Granted that any blowjob is a gift from Bacchus, there is so much value-added if these three elements are present. Very few women do all three consistently, if at all. (I can't speak for gay men.) And I suspect most guys want, and certainly deserve, a slow, passionate, gulping bj.

Richard Rabicoff, Baltimore

"Henry" or "Wiggles"?

I read the cartoons in every issue. I don't think much of the magazine otherwise, but I surely do like those cartoons.

Donald W. Bales, Kingsport, TN

Gerry, You're a Sanctimonious Prick

Is it just my failing eyesight, or was that Ayman al-Zawahiri gracing your cover illustration accompanying Jonathan Ames' "Everybody Dies in Memphis" two weeks ago (6/19)? You know, the amusing depiction of the Tyson-Lewis encounter, witnessed in Chris Hiers' conception by Mark Twain and Elvis Presley among other deceased celebrities.

I don't want to give you the impression that I'm some kind of sanctimonious prick who scours the news looking for excuses to be offended; but I did not find the depiction of one of Osama bin Laden's Egyptian henchmen as an avid onlooker to the Tyson-Lewis match to be particularly amusing.

Taking potshots at that pretentious jackass Art Spiegelman is one thing, but making light of the brutal and systematic annihilation of more than 3000 United States citizens is an entirely different matter.

Perhaps the fact that you've jettisoned nearly every decent writer who has worked for your putrescent publication?that is, the ones who haven't left out of a sense of good taste?is reason enough for you to print these juvenile cartoons. However, I am one reader who does not cotton to your puerile antics. Hire some legitimate reporters and discard the fratboy attempts at revolting your intended audience.

Gerard J. Perry Jr., Brooklyn

She Mail

Regarding Matt Zoller Seitz's review of A Song For Martin ("Film," 6/26). Last I heard, Bille August was a man. No harm done. I'm sure Seitz has already realized his mistake.

Kent Jones, Brooklyn

Raise a Shiner Bock to The Horns

MUGGER: I wish I could think of some clever or poignant one-liner to slam Maureen Dowd with this week, but I am fresh out of ammo. Instead, I'll propose a toast to the Texas Longhorn baseball team, winners of the 2002 College World Series and our NCAA Div. 1 national champions. Hook 'em, Horns!

Tracy Meadows, Brenham, TX

Righty Spam

Mike Signorile: I've been getting spammed by the RNC also ("The Gist," 6/26), and was puzzled how they got my e-mail address. Mostly, I've been getting a poll re: my approval/disapproval of the Bush de-funding of regulatory government. Oops! I'm sorry, Bush tax cuts.

I've sent some mighty nasty letters to their propaganda office demanding they quit sending their Nazi stuff and it keeps coming in.

Robert McCloy, Bath, MI

Bush's Dyslexicon

Alexander Cockburn: It feels like yesterday's news, and at this point, who honestly cares if Bush mangles the language ("Wild Justice," 6/19)? And how is that necessarily an indication of intelligence anyway? What's far more troubling is how much Bush doesn't know?gee, black people in Brazil? I had no idea?and how often he seems to display his lack of knowledge on a broad array of subjects. Now I know such thoughts are contraband in a time of war. But soon we will be in a time of election. And the failures voters will be thinking about will have more to do with Osama (who apparently, despite Bush's promise, could both run and hide) and the economy than with his inability to put together a coherent sentence.

Prediction number one: Rove shows Cheney the door in hopes of getting some needed heat at the bottom of the ticket. Prediction number two: Rove figures refusing to debate Democrat candidate Edwards is worth the blowback given the humiliating alternative. Cheers. And congratulations on Embree, he's a big add, though it seems the pen really needed someone to throw from the right side.

Harley Peyton, Hollywood, CA

Freudian Slippage

Re Taki's comments on Tom Stoppard and Lucien Freud ("Top Drawer," 6/26). He knows the answer to "Go figure," but he is a gentleman. The answer is "Amazing Grace." But man must cooperate with grace.

William M. Selenke, Cincinnati

Blowing Smoke

MUGGER: Adam Gopnik is a very good writer (6/26). Several of his essays have already entered the canon (minor) of the American essay. As a prose stylist Gopnik deftly combines New York (or Northeast corridor) humor w/syntactical verve (quite different from Thurber's Ohio style), clear yet imaginative language (how American) and classically reasoned structure (unlike Roth now, but like Roth then). Kudos to Russ Smith's recognition that these days good American writing needs all the help it can get, that over the past decade The New Yorker and the noble American short-story do not kiss. Your contributor William Bryk offers a valuable, bemused reminder of the jolly scoundrels who made New York what it is today. Nevertheless, too much in New York Press is asshole, idiot, howling-ridden. Perhaps a publisher of such distempers is offended by the equanimity of Adam Gopnik's discourse. In any event, at least you are trying to do what some of our weekly/monthly magazines once did?notice and publish good writing.

Fred Korn, Brooklyn

Sohnesque

RE Eileen Dover's article ("First person," 6/26). Charming and prurient?a difficult combo to pull off!

Risa Mickenberg, Manhattan

Perhaps a Test Run in Florida?

Doug Ireland: As a Green Party member I am more than thrilled that you recognize the monopoly of the two-party system and that you, as a Democrat, will vote, in the general election, for Mr. Aronowitz, the Green Party candidate for governor ("New York City," 6/19). However, let me talk to you about an electoral system that will give more latitude to the candidates as well as the voters. I mean "instant runoff voting" (IRV) that, by the way, was recently adopted by San Francisco, where they also have nonpartisan elections at the municipal level anyway.

The beauty of IRV is that you can vote for your favorite candidate without helping your least-favorite candidate. Instead of having to choose between the lesser of two evils, you rank the candidates. It is as easy as 1, 2, 3. If on the first round there is no majority winner, then the candidate with the least votes is eliminated and the second choices are redistributed. Counting goes on until one candidate wins. In other words, in this gubernatorial election, you could vote Aronowitz with McCall as the second. If people could do that they could vote their hearts and their minds at the same time.

You might say that this is all very well but it would not help because, as you wrote, Pataki is going to be reelected no matter what. This sounds true at first and might still be true the first time IRV is used. But keep in mind that, for one thing, knowing your vote is not wasted increases turnout significantly (as in London, Ireland, Australia). For a second thing, IRV forces candidates to deal with one another since being against another candidate or being from another party is simply not good enough?there is now real competition. For example, if enough voters want universal healthcare, then all the candidates, or at least the Democrats, will have to deal with that issue since they are now competing with the Green candidate to be a second choice. In the winner-take-all system, the Democrats can just downplay or even ignore that issue all together since voting Green is the equivalent of voting in a waste basket.

I hope that your appetite for an electoral system that does not throw away your vote but that makes your vote count has been stirred up and I beg you to take a serious look at fairvote.org, which, by the way, will be in NYC to discuss IRV in NYC, since there is talk of electoral reform.

Suzy Sandor, Manhattan

San Michelangelo

MIKE Signorile: Just read an article by you for the first time and wanna say: I love you, go for it, hallelujah. Thank God for folks like you.

Annie Degen, San Cristobal, NM

We Were in Hemet Once

Matt Drudge, you are really starting to piss me off ("MUGGER," 6/12). Not only do you still list a grand total of two measly bloggers (Kaus and Sullivan) out of dozens, if not hundreds of high quality bloggers (e.g., InstaPundit, Postrel, USS Clueless, Marshall, Lileks, Welch and on and on?see Fox's Views), you have delinked MUGGER and New York Press. Not only that, your links are falling off half the time. Note: concede there has to be some editorial decisionmaking and judgment on who to link, maybe a separate page. But I used to visit your site three to five times/day. I am now down to once per week, and without MUGGER you may get delisted from my favorites. Get with it man! The world is passing by you, of all people, the original blogger par excellence.

Lloyd Albano, Hemet, CA

Rudy Tuesday

Re Taki's "The Gong Show" ("Top Drawer," 6/19). Why pick on Mick Jagger? We all know it was a joke when they "knighted" that crook Giuliani.

Betty Rodgers, Manhattan

We Hurt His Wittle Feelings

I found Taki's take on Mick Jagger interesting, but there is one bone to pick. I can think of a lot of reasons not to knight Jagger but living abroad to avoid Britain's taxes is not one. That should be a signal to the Brits: Hey, lower your taxes, dudes.

Does Matt Drudge feel that New York Press should censor its columns? Let's face it, Drudge publishes everything, so why pick on you as an editor for what your staff writes? If Drudge is gay, so what?

Tom Donelson, Marion, IA

Mad Dog

Alexander Cockburn: You don't deserve the "Begala" award for hyperbole over truth and invective over debate ("Wild Justice," 6/19). Tell Andrew Sullivan I disagree with him!! You're way beyond hyperbole; it's become hydrophobia with invective in every drool. I'm amazed you get published.

Richard Keseley, Henderson, NV

Where Are They, Ed?

MUGGER: How are you doing? I want to bring an idea to you to see whether you agree. If so, please use your know-how so the right people read it. The government is keeping us scared with so very many reports of possible terrorist attacks. We know we have to be vigilant to be able to help. But why not the opposite? Why not give them hell, daily bombing anywhere they are. No safe haven for them. A barrage of attacks everywhere, not only Afghanistan. Thank you for your attention.

Eduardo M. Diaz, Houston

Led by Dumbya, Right?

Why is it that your dumbest readers are always from stereotypical redneck locales? (Where are all your fans from Harvard?) There are more educated people in Manhattan than anywhere else on Earth, so what gives with the lack of right-wingers on this island? (Could it be that education kills right-wing thinking?) Let's look at James Gary of Lisle, IL, who wrote that "75 percent of the American people disagree with the liberal/socialist, one Mr. Cockburn" ("The Mail," 6/26). Perhaps no one recalls that Al Gore got 300,000 more votes across America than Bush (ignoring the scam in Florida completely). Am I to believe that right-wingers believe politicians and their cronies (the Electoral College) should choose who represents us rather than the taxpaying citizens? Of course not, but right-wingers can't keep their stories straight.

And right-wingers didn't care about President Clinton's high poll numbers, but suddenly high poll numbers mean something? Yet again, right-wingers can't keep their stories straight. (Fact is, the American people are superficial and don't pay attention to details. Clinton and Bush's poll numbers are no different from Giuliani's, Pataki's, Arafat's, Sharon's and Hitler's high poll numbers: meaningless and fake.)

Furthermore, precisely 100 percent of right-wingers support socialism. Oh no? Then why do they all support America's armed forces? It's a government-run, federally centralized, 100 percent taxpayer-funded monopoly. Absolutely communistic! But then, right-wingers can't keep their stories straight. How many right-wingers support police and fire departments around the country? Yup: 100 percent. Funny, given that both of these are also government-run, 100 percent taxpayer-funded monopolies. But didn't these clowns say that the government can't do anything right? Can't they keep their story straight for once, and demand we open the police and fire departments up to competition? (Of course, NASA put a man on the moon 30 years ago, while Firestone still can't make tires that don't kill its customers!) Right-wingers are the dumbest and most dishonest two-faces in our society.

Tom Bachar, Manhattan

Swallowed It Up

Eileen Dover's "The Blowjob Quiz" ("First Person," 6/26) is one of the wittiest pieces of writing I've seen in a very long time. Bravo! I would love to read more by her.

Elliott Randall, Manhattan

He Wants a Re-Do, Eileen

Three cheers for Eileen Dover's "The Blowjob Quiz." Why didn't I think of this as a research project myself? Would love to hear what else this newly released libido of hers would bring to light for us all to share. I was one of two people to refuse to answer the questionnaire. Sorry I did, now.

Bill Wilson, Manhattan

Stupid White Women

MUGGER: The tragedy is not that Michael Moore is a hypocrite; the tragedy is that you and other bright nonvenomous conservatives don't take the time to point exactly why it is so. And it is so. Did you see Ann Coulter on the Today show being interviewed by Katie Couric? She complained that liberals call conservatives Nazis, but characterizes Couric as "the Eva Braun of morning tv." She is the flatworm of political thought: no brain, no heart, no depth.

Sam Greenfield, Manhattan