Jessica
At what age did you lose your virginity?
About six days after my seventeenth birthday? I remember writing in my journal around my birthday, "Am I going to be a 17-year-old virgin?" And I was a 17-year-old virgin, but not for long.
Did you have it in mind to not be a 17-year-old virgin for long?
I knew I was going to sleep with Marvin.
Say that again?
Marvin.
Marvin.
Marvin. I knew that I was going to sleep with Marvin.
How old was Marvin?
Marvin was a year older than me? He was so hot. He was an actor.
An 18-year-old actor?
He was a child actor. He wasn't an actor when I met him. He was Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol, and he got into Big, but then he went through puberty and gained weight and they kicked him out. And he was on a soap opera?the one with Susan, I don't know [which one]. I know he dated Susan Lucci's daughter when he was 14, which is weird, but? He was a very attractive guy, I was shocked that he was dating me.
Was it a good relationship?
I was in love with him. Yeah. He changed me. I used to be a totally different person.
How were you different?
Really kinda geeky, a little bit narrow-minded, I was not as adventurous? I was always a good girl, I followed the rules. Not followed the rules, but I didn't want anyone to think anything bad about me, so I lied a lot to cover up that I drank and I smoked pot and that I made out with boys. I just didn't want to have a reputation.
To not disappoint your parents?
No, not even my parents. Other people. I never wanted kudos from my parents, I've always wanted kudos from other adults in my life.
Whose decision was it to finally have sex?
He wanted to the whole time. I was a virgin. He had slept with three other girls?who were all virgins. He was pressuring me the whole time. I was always talking with my friends about how he was pressuring me, and they were saying, "Don't sleep with him until you're ready." So it was really my decision, because the door was open on his part.
Looking back, were you ready when you did it?
Yeah.
And you dated after that?
We both went to college in 2001? We "dated" but obviously weren't sleeping together.
And that was that?
Yeah, that was that.
Did you see him again?
I saw him once when he came to visit in October, then I broke up with him at the end of October after I found out that he had cheated on me with his [Resident's Assistant].
Who was probably not a virgin.
No.
Have you ever slept with someone who's a virgin?
No. But I think I might sleep with [this guy] and I think he's a virgin.
Will you do anything different if he is?
I'll probably be more confident. Not that I'm shy, but when I like a guy, I sometimes feel shy because I'm afraid I'm going to say stupid things. And I like [this guy]. If he's a virgin, I'll feel like I have an advantage and I'll feel less shy.
Tell me more about losing your virginity.
Okay, so Marvin? [My friend] had a crush on him, so she refused to hang out with both of us together? [She] was hanging out with Marvin one night, and I was home alone, really jealous, and I was stewing about being jealous, so I called Marvin and [asked], "Do you want to have sex tonight?" And he was like, "Yes, yes I do." So he took [my friend] home and came to pick me up. I snuck out my bedroom window?went back to his house, and oh?it was totally suburban and cheesy. He was playing the Dave Matthews band and he had lit candles, and we went up to his bedroom and tried to have sex. But it really hurt me, so we didn't really have sex.
So you didn't do it?
We tried, but I don't know if I broke my hymen because I had my period. We gave it a go, but didn't finish to completion? He took me home, I slept from 5 to 5:30, got up and was at work by 6. And my entire vaginal area ached from trying to have sex. And I had to sit on this stool at work, and it was the crappiest thing ever.
And you had your period.
And I had my period. A week later, I actually lost my virginity? But there was no Dave Matthews band and no candles.
Second time, you don't get candles.
No.
And you certainly don't get Dave Matthews.
No.