INTRO
Saturday, June 5, 2004, 3:11 p.m.
Paul: Welcome to Reagan International Airport, Mr. President. Arrivals.
Reagan: So they did build it?
Paul: I'm joking. And no, they just changed the name. Most people still call it National.
Reagan: I see. And Mt. Rushmore?
Paul: It doesn't look good, Mr. President. Structural problems. The engineers won't clear it. But don't worry about that. Let's just get you signed in here.
Reagan: Where's Nancy?
Paul: She's fine, a little distraught, but fine. Mr. Coleman takes special care of her down there.
Reagan: Who? You mean-the Diff'rent Strokes kid? The little guy?
Paul: Yes, sir. He's very good. One of the best.
Reagan: Used to watch the show every week. Casper would come over with some jelly beans. Orrin, you know, from Utah, he'd bake brownies. He'd always sit between Nancy and me on the couch. It all seems so very long ago?
Paul: You've been out of it for some time, Mr. President. You had Alzheimer's.
Reagan: You don't say? Serves me right, I suppose. You know, I was just pretending at first. Remember that whole "I can't recall" business? Say, who's in the White House?
Paul: Remember Bush's kid, George Jr.?
Reagan: You're pulling my leg.
Paul: It's a long story.
Reagan: Castro. He up here yet?
Paul: Not till 2010. He'll survive Ford and Carter, too.
Reagan: Shoot. What about Gorby?
Paul: Mr. Gorbachev will be joining us shortly. Raisa's already here.
Reagan: That's swell. Always liked her.
Paul: Here's your key and some sheets, Mr. President. Tomorrow you'll go before the panel and receive your final judgment.
Reagan: Do you think I have a chance?
Paul: Well, there are a few former Salvadoran missionaries on the committee right now, but you never know. After all, they are angels.
Reagan: Oh. Are-were they commies?
Paul: Let's just say they weren't big fans of yours.
Reagan: If I do end up, you know, down there? Is it as bad as they say?
Paul: No worse than those Ethiopian refugee camps you kept aid from getting to in '83.
Reagan: But it was the Cold War? It's more complicated than-
Paul: Save it for the committee. And Mr. President, I'd watch your back. Some ACT UP activists have been waiting for you.
Reagan: Who? Oh, them. Even here?
Paul: Especially here, Mr. President. In fact, you might consider a disguise. Here-take this.
Reagan: I've never worn facial hair in my life.
Paul: It's just until you get to your cloud. Remember, there's no Secret Service protection up here.
Reagan: I sure do appreciate it.
Paul: Don't mention it, Mr. President. It's my job.
ALEXANDERZAITCHIK