IM STILL TRYING to scrub off the "Fisted" stamp on ...
Then I get to see genuine douchebags receive an honor in Harlem. Actually, I've got nothing against the publishers of the Caribe News, and I haven't read much of the New York Beacon. But we're all certainly familiar with the Amsterdam News, that important publication that exposed how Joe Lieberman, as part of the Jewish conspiracy, bought his place on the 2000 presidential ticket. In the issue I pick up on my way to Jimmy's Uptown Lounge, Publisher Emeritus Wilbert A. Tatum settles for telling us that Arnold Schwarzenegger's dreams "became true because he was white and came to seek his fortune in a racist land."
Tatum obviously doesn't know any black immigrants.
Strangely enough, the Amsterdam News isn't being honored by the Association of Alternative Weeklies. Instead, the publishers are receiving the Hennessy Privilege Award, named after a cognac that represents the Hennessy ideals of "strength, achievement, quality, and sophistication"?to quote the press release reprinted as an article in the Amsterdam News.
Hennessy doesn't just respect newspapers, though. They're also honoring Rev. Al Sharpton, right in the same neighborhood where the presidential candidate made his proud stand against Jews?or, as he put it, "diamond merchants"?being allowed to own businesses in Harlem. This is some proud night for everybody involved.
Including me, since I'm always happy to hang out at Jimmy's Uptown Lounge. It's a very pleasant place to work your way through a cognac menu. And that's about all I can do, given the segregation between black revelers and a bunch of white people huddled off in the corner on their cellphones. I don't really know many people here?although I do recognize Freddy Jackson. I'm expecting to run into Gregory Abbott in the men's room.
I'm still kind of bitter about the Holocaust, so I'm not paying much attention when the actual ceremony starts. People come up to the podium and talk about what an honor it is to receive an award named after a brown liquor. It's the usual awards routine?except, thanks to the upstairs layout, the people who keep talking on their cellphones aren't nearly as intrusive.
I'm certainly not surprised when John Esposito?the president and CEO of Hennessy's American importer?takes the stage to announce that he first met Al Sharpton at a Hennessy sales meeting. It figures that some commerce would be involved. But Esposito adds that Al "had a savvy that made me realize that, if he wanted to, he could have been a very savvy businessman." Instead, of course, we all know that Sharpton is just a savvy politician with no interest in personal wealth. As Al's explained, he doesn't even own his clothing.
But my cynicism abruptly dispels as the reverend's wife steps up to accept his award. Apparently, the white Amerikan media has conspired to keep me from knowing that Al Sharpton is married to a real hottie.
I've noticed her earlier, but mainly because her Yves St. Laurent bag matches her hot pink outfit. Kathy Sharpton comes up to the podium and explains?in a nice, sultry voice?that "much of [her husband]'s efforts have been publicized because of the Black Press." The employees of Freddy's Fashion Mart appreciate the publicity. Oh, and she also thanks her brother, Freddy Jackson, "one of the great artists of yesterday, today and tomorrow." So, that's explained.
The ceremony's over, and it's announced that, as a special treat, waitresses will now roam the room handing out Hennessy XO?which, we're told, is "a step up from Privilege." This also explains a lot. Next week, there's probably going to be some Hennessy XO Awards handed out to a bunch of white publishers who've found their fortune in a racist land. I've got to meet those guys some day.
[jrt@nypress.com](mailto:jrt@nypress.com)