I have two requests: I have two requests: 1. Could ...
1. Could I possibly fill in for your trainer when he's not around? You could punch me as long as you like, with or without gloves, and I would never dream of hitting back. I make a great human punching bag.
2. Could I do your housework for free? I do great work, much better than any paid cleaning person in NYC, and you wouldn't have to reward or supervise me in any way. I'd scrub floors, do dishes, clean windows, whatever you require.
?boy
You pathetic little worm. You useless excuse for a human being. You don't deserve to lick runny dog excrement off the soles of my thigh-high, spike-heeled, black patent-leather boots. Do you really think I'd deign work up a sweat pummeling the likes of a pantywaist mama's boy such as yourself? You're not worthy of scouring my filthy bathroom floor with your tongue. I wouldn't let you gnaw the callouses off the hardened heels of my sweaty, stinking feet.
There. Did that get you hot? Thought so. The Girl of Date is nothing if not charitable. That there was a freebie. The next one'll cost you.
I think a lot of your readers would love to hear your take on each of the characters from Sex and the City.
?B.S.
I must respectfully disagree. I'm not even particularly interested in hearing my take on that, and who's more self-absorbed than me?
Okay, let me start off by saying that I know I was very wrong doing what I did, but now it's time to deal with the consequences. Once upon a time, I read my boyfriend's email. He doesn't know it.
The disturbing part is the fact that he's been emailing these other girls, and they talk about their dates, and when they'll be going out again.
So okay, what should I do? If I flat out tell him I read his emails, then he'll know that I'm not trustworthy (which I realize I'm not 100 percent, but it was a total accident with me going in), but like, there is no way he will be bringing any nasty diseases into our bedroom.
The rational idea is to kick him to the curb Ricki Lake-style, but I do honestly love him.
?Issue-Ridden in the City
Okay, so let me get this straight?you're worried about whether your philanderous shitbag of a boyfriend is going to quit trusting you because you read his email, correspondence that proved him to be the lying, cheating sack of crap you obviously suspected he was in the first place? This guy is putting it to a bunch of other broads and you're fretting that he might get pissed off at you? Am I missing something here? I swear, more stupid has been perpetrated in the name of love than wars have been fought over god.
You want help? First stop, purchase a spine. Once you are in possession of said vertebrae (even if it's a plastic model that you have to cobble together with glue), I want you to clutch it in your right hand and let its magical powers seep into your being. Ponder what your life would be like if being "in love" and having a backbone weren't mutually exclusive components of your existence. Consider the psychic ramifications that living with an adulterous liar will have on your sense of self. Run your left hand up and down your shiny new spinal column and realize that you're pissed off and even though you shouldn't have snooped, you must have had a big fat reason for going there. (Not that I condone snooping; it's just that sometimes extenuating circumstances force one to act like a lunatic.)
Once you've gained some perspective and strength from your new toy, I want you to confront the boyfriend. Tell him you know he's been stepping out. Don't bother telling him how you found out. That is thoroughly beside the point and he doesn't deserve to know. As an added bonus, not knowing will make him paranoid?he'll start to wonder if one of his friends ratted him out; he'll drive himself cuckoo trying to figure out what gave him away. If he has a brain in his head, he'll deny all charges. Be firm, be strong and be prepared for him to pull out the "you're crazy" card. (They all do, and if you are a little nuts?which it sounds like you are?it's most likely because he escorted you to the point of no return.) Do not admit to any wrongdoing. Use your store-bought spine as a scepter of power! Wield it like a weapon. And if he doesn't fess up, crack him over the head with it.
Okay, maybe you shouldn't actually smack him, but unless you're comfortable with your new life as a doormat, you should probably elimi-date him. Every relationship involves a certain amount of shit eating?oops, I mean, compromise?you just have to figure out what your limits are. You say you're in love with this jackass, but let me tell you what?if you're willing to settle for someone who lies to you, disrespects you, cheats on you and isn't even clever enough to avoid getting caught, you're not going to have any trouble finding a replacement. There are millions of them running around out there. In fact, I've got a couple phone numbers for you?
Write [dategirl@nypress.com](mailto:dategirl@nypress.com) or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., New York, NY 10001.