I feel like I need to talk to someone about ...
I feel like I need to talk to someone about my bisexuality. My list of people to whom I can unload this problem is almost non-existent. I am a senior in high school and I have a huge crush on this girl. I have accepted my sexuality as a legitimate part of my being. I don't know that much about her but I feel an intense curiosity. I can picture us holding hands and kissing, which is how I always determine whether I will date a person or not.
I don't know how she feels about me. When I secretly stare at her in class, I see that she is secretly staring too, but just not at me... Bad sign, I know.
If this relationship works out, I think I will have the courage to tell my friends just who was giving me those butterflies.
I do see the potential social suicide in telling her. Bisexuality has given me a liberated feeling, but it is actually restricting?where is the freedom if I can't tell anyone?
I don't know what to do about this and I refuse to talk to my "guidance counselor" about it. Should I even do anything? Does "letting things happen naturally" really work? I actually hate that phrase. Please help!
?Jess
Once you get to be a geezette like me, four years passes like a fart?out your ass and long gone in the blink of an eye. Sure, the stank lingers for a few seconds, but before you can even light a match, it's like it never happened. However, the four years one spends in high school are a wretched black hole where time stands still. It's been a looooong time since the Girl of Date did her time in the School of High, but believe me, the scars remain.
The good news is, you're a senior, which means only seven or so months until graduation. Then it's onto college where everybody fucks everybody and there seems to be a support group for any sexual persuasion your brain could possibly concoct. I suggest your main goal be getting through the next half-year with as little pain as possible.
For me, extreme unpopularity was caused by funny-colored hair, a Reagan Youth bumflap and the fact that I somehow got put in charge of our school's radio station. (My fellow students preferred Styx to the Nip Drivers?go figure.) However, I could always re-dye my hair and borrow my preppy sister's clothes and record collection if I had wanted to pass. You've got a bigger dilemma. You are inherently different and enrolled in a soul-deadening institution whose main purpose (along with teaching you useful skills like algebra and rope-climbing) is to pound any uniqueness out of you. You don't want to deny who you are, but at the same time you don't want to get your pretty little ass kicked.
Because my expertise is not in this area, I consulted with several authorities. Dan's experience is way different than most. He attended an upstate high school that was a veritable hotbed of lesbionics. Girls were constantly being suspended after being caught going at it in empty classrooms, auditoriums and closets. His valedictorian was an out-and-proud dyke?and this was in upstate New York?20 years ago! If you've ever lived up there (as I have), you know it's not exactly a bastion of tolerance and understanding, so his school was a shocking deviation from the norm.
Even still, while the ladies were busy getting it on, none of the gay boys felt free to come out until college. Dan told me, "Basically, the difference between being straight and gay is, when you're gay you have to make your own path. When you're straight it's easy?" Okay, not easy?being a teenager is ass no matter what team you're on, but it's definitely tons easier to be het.
My buddy Babette had this to offer: "I would start by befriending the crush object. As the friendship gets deeper, I'd try to figure out her thoughts on gays and lesbians. If she's not completely negative, that'd be hopeful at least, and a good sign that she wouldn't completely shut me off when I finally said something."
Babette's wise girlfriend Robyn agreed with the friends-first approach, and added that maybe using a movie that dealt with the issue (But I'm a Cheerleader, Go Fish, etc.) as a prop if you're having trouble asking about her deal outright. "I would advise her against coming out about her bisexuality within the school environment unless, of course, she feels really secure within herself and is confident that she will be given non-judgmental support from her friends," she added. "If she doesn't feel this way, and if they're not cool about it, she may be left feeling vulnerable and could risk being ostracized by her peer group, which is not a great thing." To say the least.
Because all of us agreed with you in thinking high school guidance counselors basically useless, Robyn also suggested you contact an organization called The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center (212-620-7310, gaycenter.org). I spoke with a nice gentleman who informed me they offer free counseling?you can either go to their offices or they'll chat over the phone.
The thing is, you really should talk to someone. Being a teenager is bad enough without feeling all alone. And all alone you're not. I'm constantly crushing; sometimes they work out, oftentimes they don't. The beauty of crushes?no matter what the outcome?is that they give you something to obsess over when you should be studying for your SATs so you can get into a good school in a major metropolitan city where being bisexual is as weird as being Armenian or lactose-intolerant.