I drink a lot of tea: green tea, chamomile, spice ...
I hope I have not grossed you out, but somehow I don't think so.
?Drew
But of course, you're a boy, so "naturally" you thought of asking me this question. I'm a girl, but that hardly translates into me wanting to wash down my burger with a refreshing semen shake, but to each his own.
Yours is one of those questions that prompts people to corner me at parties and attempt to harangue me into admitting that the letters I run are actually fabrications. Erm, no, there are actually people (okay, one person) running around out there wondering where they can purchase Twatley Tea. Not only did this person wonder, he actually committed the question to paper, recycled a magazine subscription envelope, spent 37 cents on a stamp and skipped over to his local mailbox with that query.
I could've done an internet search on your dilemma, but I trust that you've already mined that territory. And let's face it, the chances that someone has taken the time to market this truly niche beverage is slim to none. What I would do if I were you is to convince your girlfriend?unless, perchance, you're single (say it ain't so!)?or a female friend to slip a couple bags of the weakest-tasting tea you can find right up inside her like a teabag tampon. Have her wear it around for a couple hours and then brew. Just don't forget to strain for stray short 'n' curlies.
First, I don't want this in the paper, I just want your thoughts?
?Sorry, sis, gotta cut you off right there. You can't write to an advice columnist and then forbid her to print your letter. What kind of charitable organization do you think I'm running here? Do you think I solve problems for fun?
My friends are allowed to call and ask me idiotic questions like?oh, just for the sake of discussion?how come their booty-call boy got panicked and split after they sent a dozen roses and a box full of dildos, porno videos, lube and other assorted sexual accoutrements to him at his job on Valentine's Day. Except none of my friends are retards; therefore none of them would ever get themselves into the moronic jam you currently find yourself entrenched in.
(Oh, did I just print your question in a veiled form? Sorry about that.)
The Booty Call Rulebook explicitly forbids gift-giving. And common sense precludes sending sexually explicit materials to anyone's job unless you want to get them fired.
I love your advice, Dategirl, and I need it very much with my unusual problem. I'm not circumcised, and I personally think that uncircumcised penises are very ugly. I know most people feel the way I do, but my problem is that I love women, and get hit on by them a lot. Many times the chemistry is so great that we go out and do so many fun things. I love kissing, spooning, but not sex, because I hate the way my uncircumcised penis looks. How can I keep a woman from pressuring me to have sex and still keep a relationship that includes fun trips to the coast, hot kissing and intense chemistry?
I've tried telling her to keep her hands "off the merchandise" when she tries to pull down my pants, and I caught her reaching into my underwear when she thought I was asleep. Luckily, I don't think she found out that I'm uncut. When I met her, I told her I was looking for companionship because adventures are really fun when you have someone to share them with.
I told her I have a no-sex policy, but that kissing and cuddling are great. Now, after we are so attached, she is threatening to leave me if I don't put out, and if she leaves, she'll be the fourth one to do so.
I can't get circumcised because my HMO won't cover it, and I can't stay single because women are so intelligent, beautiful and sexy. I have told one woman I previously dated that I was uncut; she blabbed about it to all her friends, and that embarrassed me. I want to keep this woman and not put out! Please help!
?Hooded Harry
Have you given any thought to the idea that you might be homosexual? That perhaps you're using your foreskin as an excuse not to have to put it to a dame because you really wanna be putting it to a dude? Because otherwise, I don't see what the problem is.
Most of the men in the world are unclipped. Sure, you're a slight anomaly here in the U.S., but an unclipped dick is hardly a freakshow attraction?certainly nothing to keep you from having a sex life. And I've got news for you. While penises are perfectly charming instruments of pleasure and procreation, they're funny-looking whether or not they're wearing a hood. Get over it.
As for the girlie who blabbed about your assets to all her friends: Ladies talk. She also would've told them if you had a particularly furry behind, abnormally large testicles or a mint condition '64 Chevy Impala. That's just chat matter, and nothing to be embarrassed about.
Personally, I would've been out the door the first time you forbade me to handle "the merchandise." The bottom line is that unless you can somehow locate a woman as twisted and sexually repressed as you are, you're going to have to fuck her if you want to keep her.
Write [dategirl@nypress.com](mailto:dategirl@nypress.com) or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., New York, NY 10001.