I am a woman whom most people refer to as ...

Naturally, I identify myself as a female in my ad because, barring a few ounces of flesh on my crotch, female is what I am and have always been. My problem is, since I've posted my personal ad online (complete with a totally honest, mascara- and lip-gloss-only headshot), guys have been stacking up in my inbox like jets over LaGuardia. While most of these dates are just drinks and conversation, I'm worried about how I should break the news should one or more of my suitors want to bed my tight little ass. I'm kind of terrified of even replying to the hunks who really strike my fancy for fear of their reaction when we finally get downtown.

What would you do if you were in my panties?

?On the Verge

P.S. Please don't tell me to go to a "tranny bar." I hate those places and the creeps who hang out in them.

P.P.S. Bi the way, I'm bi and this is a non-issue with the women I date, but I need guys just as much as gals.

When I was a young 'un, I had a boyfriend who thought Boy George was the hottest piece of ass ever. Dateboy would not believe me when I told him over and over again that the girlie he was salivating over was actually a dude. Damn, was he pissed when he discovered that the "Boy" in his name wasn't false advertising. He didn't find the subsequent homo jokes I made at his expense one bit funny either. Which is why I worry about you. I know how sensitive (and on occasion, violent) uptight straight boys can be.

That said, there are a lot of scenarios I could imagine myself in, but I had trouble putting myself in your panties. Not to say I don't feel for you, but for me to claim I had any idea what you're going through would be completely insincere.

So I assembled a panel of breeder boys and asked them what their reaction would be if they met a beautiful woman whom they connected with on every level, and then discovered the rod and tackle lurking below. I wondered how soon this info should be disclosed and what their reaction would be. Here's what they had to say:

Ian: It would be like finding a roach in my takeout burrito. I think that sort of thing needs to be mentioned right away?like, even before the first date.

Paul: It's not the couple ounces of flesh; I like the theoretical possibility of having biological children. Also, I'd have to wonder about what it was that made s/he opt for a gender change. While "I realized I'm a woman trapped in a man's body" is a perfectly acceptable answer, I'd have trouble disabusing myself of suspicions that the transsexuality was a sign of Major Issues that were otherwise not immediately apparent.

Giorgio: Certainly she should be upfront before I find myself copping her joint. In New York, you meet "special girls" a lot when you're clubbing, and as long as I'm drunk and don't have to go down on them, it's all good.

Henry: To tell the truth, I'd probably rather meet her after the surgery and never ever know why I had been graced enough to find a girlfriend who understood football, could play poker and didn't mind giving me head during halftime. If I met her before the surgery, I admit I would be a bit freaked out, and I'm pretty unflappable.

Fred: While in the Marines, a bunch of us were in Mexico, drunk, dancing and having fun. Everyone starts trying to hook up. Then we notice that one of our buddies is making out with a girl who has a heavier five-o-clock shadow than he does! So we go over and yell at him, "Dude, what are you doing? Can't you tell it's a guy?" Mind you, this young fella was hot and had a nice fake rack as well, and our buddy said "Aw shit, well, I've been making out with her this long?a few minutes more won't change anything."

Ike: I think I'd like to know before any clothes were taken off, because the shock might kill me. But if I had been drinking and I was down for some freak shit, who knows? I'm not sure if a relationship would happen, because until the operation is done, she is still a he. I'm not one of those dudes who walked out of the Crying Game, but I know a lot of men who reacted violently. The fact that they were attracted to this beautiful person who wound up being a man was a little more than they could take. As for me, I might go to a hotel just for the experience, but I really couldn't see anything happening beyond that.

Buzz: And she/he's totally passable as a chick? I'd probably go for it, but my friends would never meet her until we had a fight and I decided to "come out of the closet." But keep in mind that I'm a weirdo. If she/he's totally on the same wavelength as me, that's a rarity.

Steve H.: The question of a couple of ounces of flesh would not necessarily be a big deal, except that in this case the couple of ounces of flesh are man-flesh. So yes, that would be a deal-breaker.

Okay, out of eight guys, you'd conceivably get a little action from four of them! And one of them a Marine! Them's pretty good odds. But then, the men I polled aren't exactly your stick-up-the-ass, frat-boy-stockbroker types. I understand your reluctance to avoid men who fetishize the tranny, but you should make sure that the men you're hooking up with are at least a little bit freak-ay, if only to avoid a serious ass-kicking. And give bi-guys a shot.

If you're not up for tranny bars, go to parties like the ones my friend Abby throws (check editrixabby.com for details), where everybody fucks everybody and nobody's going to look twice at a chick with a dick.

Write dategirl@nypress.com or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., New York, NY 10001.