ED-Gilderman 34 Name: Ellen Moynihan Bartends: Siberia Bar (356 W. 40th St. ...

Name: Ellen Moynihan

Bartends: Siberia Bar (356 W. 40th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-333-4141

Favorite Movie: Pink Flamingos

Favorite Band: The Stooges

SO TONIGHT you were bartending downstairs where possibly the worst band in history just finished playing. I've seen worse.

Like who? I can't use names.

What is it that makes a band bad? They're contrived. They seem like they're trying to smush other bands' influences together. I saw a really shitty band the other day at 13 Little Devils on the Lower East Side. They were derivative and average. But people were loving them, so who knows.

Now why will girls have sex with guys in a terrible band, but if you're a brilliant writer, you have very little chance of- [Laughing] I don't know! I have no idea? I'd rather be in a band than fuck a band member, so I don't really know.

That's somewhat reassuring. Plus I think it's unfair to women to say girls fall for guys in bands.

Oh, please. I mean, yeah, idiot women do! But not all women.

That's true. Now does any shady stuff go on in this bar? Besides the music, I mean. Well, most of the bathrooms here don't lock, so it'd be really risky.

I love that Siberia is still one of the most famous dives in New York. Me too. Especially considering my last job was really formal and shitty. I quit because they made me wear a blue button-down shirt and I was supposed to pay for it.

Did they make you wear pieces of flare? No, I didn't work at Bennigan's or nothing. It was this place in Tribeca.

And now here you are, rocking out in a leopard-print dress. It feels good to wear what I want and come to work and listen to the music I want to listen to. And instead of rich, old, fucking millionaires, I'm dealing with kids in bands.

How about getting hit on here? Is that annoying? It doesn't actually happen.

No? It's not like just because you're a chick behind the bar guys just throw themselves at you.

Not even a little? It actually has not happened.

Well, would you like to go see The Princess Diaries 2 with me? [She just stares.]

Sorry. I was trying to be funny. Anyway, I didn't even see Part 1, so I should probably rent it before I- One time this guy asked me where I lived, and I said the Lower East Side. Then he said, "So someone on the Upper East Side would be geographically unavailable?" I was like, "Yeah."

So Upper Eastsiders do occasionally wander in here. I've seen a couple of those. They were dancing to the jukebox with their honeys a couple of weeks ago, to the Nine Inch Nails' "I Want to Fuck You Like an Animal" song. It was pretty bad.

How bad? [Laughing] I pulled the plug on the jukebox.

Ouch. Now let's talk drinks. Here it's pretty simple. It's not like we have martinis.

So that means? A lot of Jack and Coke.

You mentioned you like the Stooges. I just saw them this weekend.

How was old Iggy? He's still going? He's this little skinny wiry man in his 50s.

And is it possible for a man, even an Iggy Pop, to be sexy into his 50s? Sure. But it depends on the man.

Now a bartender in Williamsburg once told me that the hipper the customer, the lower the tip. Or something like that. I'll refrain from generalizing.

Please generalize. Readers like broad, sweeping judgments. What pisses me off is when somebody will get five drinks for their friends, and fucking leave one dollar. I'm like, "Come on." That happens.

New York Press readers always give bartenders giant tips. I believe you. o