ED-Gilderman 30 Name: Anaïs Rogers Bartends At: Union Pool, 484 Union Ave. ...
Name: Anaïs Rogers
Bartends At: Union Pool, 484 Union Ave. (Meeker ave.), Williamsburg, 718-609-0484
Favorite movie: Grey Gardens (1975)
Favorite Band: Radiohead
Favorite Song: "Fake Plastic Trees"
I knew I had to interview a bartender at Union Pool when I read in a travel guide that the Williamsburg bar is "widely regarded as the hipster headquarters." The hipster headquarters, I recall thinking. What does that mean?
Is there a back room of the cavernous former pool supply shop, located behind a faux bookcase of John Fante and Jardine Libaire volumes, in which all the important decisions of hipsterdom are made?
Was it at Union Pool that Neil Diamond first traversed the line of uncool to cool, where Ramones t-shirts were judged passé, where irony itself once reached so rarefied a plane that it almost imploded and became sincerity?
By the time I found a bartender willing to talk to me, I'd forgotten these questions. Forgive me. But the interview was far from a total waste, as Anaïs imparted many a lascivious detail concerning the secret lives of the drunk and hip.
How long have you worked here? Three months. I just got back into bartending. I had to take a 12-year sabbatical. From people.
What was wrong? When you're younger it's hard to disconnect from a bar's energy. A bar can be a very sad place at the end of the night.
Why are hipster girls so short? [Laughing] "Why are hipster girls so short." Hmmm.
They're short, am I right? Look at how small they are. [We gaze about the outdoor courtyard. A girl in a torn Motörhead t-shirt hurries past us. She's around five-two.] You may have a point there. They're kind of small.
How about the mating ritual? Is it any different at a Williamsburg bar because everyone has that pouting expression? The only thing that's gross here is that I don't see a lot of the guys offering to pay for the girls' drinks. So I'll just take the money out of their hands and make them buy the girl's drink.
Yikes. Or I'll say to the girl, "Honey, if he can't buy you a drink, keep your legs closed."
Now why would you screw up a guy's game like that? Here the poor bastard can only afford one trucker hat and you come along and- Because! If you're a fucking dirtball that can't afford to buy a girl a drink, and then you want to get lucky, it's just wrong!
The bathroom. There's the occasional sex in the bathroom.
Have you caught anyone? Sure.
Was the girl wearing a trucker hat? No! She had her top unbuttoned and her skirt up around her waist. She probably didn't know what she had on.
Wow. We've actually left people in the bathroom overnight.
Really? [Laughing] I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh. She was just totally passed out! It was one of those nights where it was crazy. We forgot to check all the bathrooms. But she knew one of the bartenders, so she called him on his cellphone and we got her out pretty quick.
Are these patrons good tippers? It's a dollar a drink, generally. But Mondays are the best night [for tips], because that's when people in the service industry show up. You really want to take care of them, because they know how to take care of you.
Our degenerate male readers might want to know if this a good place to pick up. The later it gets, anybody's looking for anybody. But that's at any bar. Weekenders are the ones who come in here and are like, "Where are the cute guys?"
Really? It's girls looking for guys? Girls come in asking for guys. Sometimes a guy will ask me about a particular girl. Now if they're good guys, I'll help them out.
How do you do that? You say something for them to the girl on the sly. Or buy him a drink for the girl. Stuff like that.
Nice. Yeah.
Joking aside, I really like this place. Per capita, we have fewer assholes here than anywhere. It's the best bar in Brooklyn. o