Could you help me understand the way some women break ...

The only explanation I could find was that some women prepare the reasons they are going to give their girlfriends: "He said this? He did that? He could not make me come anymore."

Do you think that women would use a relationship with a boyfriend to feed a relationship with a girlfriend? That's cannibalism, isn't it?

?Clueless

Women's friendships are not like action movies?we don't need car chases, dramatic rescues or explosions to fuel them. So I sincerely doubt this broad gave you the heave-ho in order to keep the ladies riveted to their seats. For one thing, a good friend doesn't require justification as to why you broke up with your boyfriend. We don't need to hear "He punched me" to understand or commiserate. Hell, "He wouldn't shut up during Everwood" is good enough for me.

Women tend to have much closer relationships with their friends than men do. We talk about everything. I know stuff about my friends' boyfriends and husbands (no names) that would make their hair stand on end if they knew. I've had meandering, hours-long conversations with girlfriends that began with us arguing the merits of the Swiffer WetJet and ended with tearful confessions of infidelity and/or insecurity. (And not just when we're OTR.) A girl's friends are who she can count on when everything else turns to shit.

That's why it's so horrifying when one of our own turns against us. A very close friend betrayed my trust earlier this year, and it was perhaps even more devastating than when the jackass guy I was dating broke my heart. (Color me cynical, but at this point?short of behaving like a decent kind person?there is very little a man could do that would shock me.) But when she scumbagged me, not only did I lose a friend, I had one less person to bitch about the rat bastard to!

As for provoking their (in)significant other into dumping them?that's not a gender issue; that's a chickenshit issue. I had a boyfriend goad me into dumping his ass (and a full drink over his head) in public. Passive aggression is a common ploy amongst pantywaists of any sex intent on maintaining their status as victim. Breaking up sucks, but there's no getting around it. The only ones that don't hurt are the ones you don't care about.

I am now dating again after my divorce a few years back and seem to have trouble finding great places, events or "dates" that are fun, exciting and make women wet. Watching these tv date shows that start off playing Putt Putt golf and then end up in the hot tub seems like a plan to me, but most women won't go for that last step. What is the best first date you have ever been on?

?Confused

I've been on loads of amazing first dates. Scads of stunning second dates too. (It's the third, fourth and fifth dates that give me trouble.) My first assignation with the criminally handsome, non-committal pot delivery guy was excellent; we petted the four-horned goats at the Central Park Zoo, then sat and talked for hours overlooking the spot where Robert Chambers killed Jennifer Levin. The mind-fucking forensic scientist also gave great first date?and all that involved was a little bit of liquor, his tongue down my throat and his hand up my skirt.

One of the most well-planned, fun-filled first dates ever was with the psychotic closet-case who lived with his daddy in Jersey. (As a rule, the deranged are generally a whole lot of fun at first; markedly less fun later on.) We met up at the Russian Tea Room, and after a tour of every odd upscale bar on the Upper East Side, wound up at an after-hours dance club packed with Russian gangsters.

Then there was the herpetic bass player who took me to Giando's on the Water (my all-time fave date restaurant). Ignoring the fabulous skyline view, this suave stud proceeded to spend the entire meal staring first at my chest and then at my legs. Dude kept looking up and down, back and forth, until I finally had to tell him that if he wanted to stare at my tits, he was more than welcome, but for future reference it would probably be a good idea if he tried being a little sneaky about it. Oddly, I found his complete lack of finesse charming rather than offensive.

Note that none of these dates involved miniature golf or a hot tub. It's not the activity that gives a girl a slicky; it's the company she keeps.

Write dategirl@nypress.com or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., New York, NY 10001.