Club Report

Today the night skies of New York are ringed with fire. There will be fighting in the street: not with guns, not with bombs, but with lip-gloss and mascara. We promise to follow with the kind of attention we reserve for "Melrose Place" reruns the brewing altercation between rival Downtown club promoters, the Trinity and the Misshapes.

The Trinity, comprised of Drew Elliot, his boyfriend Mack Dugan and Aimee Phillips, is best known for their once-chic Sunday night party, the Cuckoo Club at the Hiro Ballroom of the Maritime Hotel. The Misshapes (Geordon Nicol, Greg Krelenstein, and Leigh Lezark) have achieved quick fame-or infamy depending on whom you talk to-for their hip Saturday night shindig at West Village dive Luke and Leroys.

As reported elsewhere, the hostilities began over a phone prank and grew exponentially overnight during the Paper Magazine Nightlife Awards ceremony held on Sunday, Nov. 6th.

"Everything seemed calm after Sunday night," reports a source that prefers to remain anonymous. "But on Thursday [Nov. 10th], Geordon started trash-talking Richie [Rich of design firm Heatherette] and Amanda [Lepore] on his radio show."

A recorded archive proved the testimony to be true. In his weekly East Village Radio broadcast, Nicol dubbed designer Rich "Farty Boy" and famous transsexual Lepore "Chesty McGrampy" and "that Oompa-Loompa with the gigantic implants."

Then on Saturday, Nov. 12, it is rumored that Rich, the Trinity and their confederates-known to some as the Clown Coalition-called a retaliatory strike during a high-profile night at Luke and Leroys that included guest DJ-gigs by Good Charlotte front-man Joel Madden, his brother Josh, and Ultragrrrl (the 20th Most Loathsome Person of the Year by this publication). The feud escalated to double-D-cup proportions when the police showed up at the bar, responding to a strategically well-aimed noise complaint. The party was shut down and the Misshapes' inner circle retreated to Krelenstein's fabulous duplex bunker in the East Village to continue the merrymaking. No civilian casualties were reported, but scores of dark-haired, waifishly-thin kids were left without a place to get their sugar fix and gambol to Madonna's latest single. (We should note that the Material Mom herself recently appeared at a Misshapes party.)