Classic Scooters, and a Classic Ride

Walking through South Williamsburg in the summer, you can always count on certain things: you will see three or four Spanish grandmas in bedroom slippers and stretchpants, with t-shirts that say "Me So Horny" or "Unbutton My Fly" (I find them fearlessly fashionable?very few people could pull that look off) and you will hear the Kool Man or the Mr. Softee truck tootling along, playing its endless rendition of "Turkey in the Straw." When I say "endless," I mean it?the ice cream trucks ply their trade well into the evening hours and the jangly songs they blare out can get on your nerves. I am considering writing a tribute song to them called "Killing Me Softee."

You will also inevitably hear a lot of car alarms going off. The most inventive one I ever heard was a talking one that went off in the middle of a very Hasidic neighborhood, which made for a bizarre juxtaposition as it was a voice shouting, "Someone's been messing with my ride!" A voice shouting it over and over, I might add, followed by the usual annoying wail. I could almost imagine the people in the neighborhood saying, "So, the ride it has been messed with, nu? Who would mess with such a thing?"

Indeed, for most people it is quite a serious thing when someone messes with your ride, but I could never feature being so intensely loyal to a conveyance. Unless it was a Vespa motor scooter. I am speaking as one who is on the outside looking in because I don't own one, but a Vespa is one of those things I could easily see myself freely trading my favors for. (At any rate, I pray that it is a Vespa I cheapen myself for, and not three chocolate bars and a pair of nylon stockings.) Vespas are the epitome of cool, and a shop in Williamsburg, Bella Classica, has been doing a brisk business for two years selling, restoring and repairing vintage motor scooters.

"They're a cult classic," George Russo, a part owner, tells me. "You've got people from all walks of life buying them and riding them."

According to their website, [www.bellaclassica.com](http://www.bellaclassica.com), Vespas are enjoying a resurgence in America because of their reliability and sleek design. That design makes them a great retro symbol, something that many advertisers are taking advantage of. According to Russo, they have rented out scooters for use in commercials for many companies, such as Victoria's Secret, Target and Saks Fifth Avenue. Vespas are currently quite popular with celebrities as well, on both the West and the East Coasts. Russo said that they have at least "?five extremely big actors" as clients, but he won't divulge their names.

Possibly because to own a Vespa is to also be a part of a distinct lifestyle, a brotherhood if you will, and Bella Classica is doing its best to foster that lifestyle here in New York City. To that end, they have a club that meets every Sunday, to ride and show off their scooters. Some day, I hope to be riding alongside them, in my white vinyl boots and Mary Quant lipstick. I long to be a member. I'm sure the Vespa World is a mod, mod world.

Bella Classica, 59 Kent Ave. (betw. N. 10th & N. 11th Sts.), Brooklyn, 718-486-0500.

Classic Ride

Speaking of rides, one of my favorite rides at Coney Island is the bumper cars. Spookarama, Dante's Inferno, they all have their good points, but if I can't have a convertible or a vintage scooter, the next best thing is speeding around in the bumper cars. At Eldorado Auto Skooter, on Surf Ave., not only do they give you a cool token, which, if you are sneaky and buy an extra one, you can keep as a souvenir, they have flashing lights and a fabulous disco soundtrack. You can, as their slogan says, "Bump your ass off."

To be truthful, though, the best thing about Eldorado was the older lady they had in the ticket booth a while back who is, sadly, gone. She was a true carny. We used to walk back and forth in front of her, just to get her to do her spiel, which went, "Ride 'em, ride 'em, you get a long ride for dollar, ride 'em, ride 'em." Once, some punk kids shoved some dirty napkins through the slot, instead of money. Without catching her breath, she said, "Ride 'em, ride 'em, shove it up your ass, ride 'em, ride 'em." It was priceless. I like to think she got a good retirement package and is living in Sarasota, FL, with the other circus and carnival folk.

Drag racing is getting a lot of attention lately, what with the death and the carnage, but going on the bumper cars is a perfect way to live out those Rebel Without a Cause fantasies. I like to pose for snapshots on the kiddie motorcycles, but when I feel a need for?going around a metal track in a little car, I head to Eldorado.

Eldorado Auto Skooter, 1216 Surf Ave., (Henderson Walk), Coney Island, no phone.