Cant We All Just Get Along Cant We All ...
Wrong Moscow, Mandy
Your character-assassination-disguised-as-a- book-review of Chuck Klosterman ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27) was ridiculously off the mark. It is so poorly written, however, that your juvenile little rant lets the world know your thoughts are less important than a bucket of used tampons.
"He's a one-man prose polluter, a living WMD employing the dummy ass-head as a delivery system. And I will forever hate this ass-creature for the pain and suffering he has caused me."
You have the gall to call Chuck Klosterman a moron, and yet the only adjective you seem to know is "ass." Chuck Klosterman has more talent, insight and wit in his earwax than you have in your tiny little brain.
Also, it totally fucking figures that you choose to rot in Moscow, Idaho. I had the displeasure of visiting that shithole recently. I'm guessing you're out there because you couldn't get a job in New York or Chicago or some other actual city. Don't get me wrong; I believe there are probably plenty of smart people in Moscow. I just don't think you're one of them.
The next time you are paid to write a book review, you might also want to construct a valid critical argument, rather than criticizing a person's personal appearance.
Amanda Cantrell, Manhattan
Ready, Ames, Fire
I loved Mark Ames' review ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27). It cleared up a question that has been plaguing me since I read Klosterman's tortuously fucked-up "article" on The Real World in Spin: "Who is this asshole?" As Ames proves, I had that noun right.
However, I don't think "snarky" is a 90s neologism. I may be mistaken, but I think I've run across it in British novels of the 50s. But, whatever. Thanks again, Mr. Ames.
Mina Estevez, East Meadow, NY
Not Really
I've just read Mark Ames' review of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27) and I'm wondering if there are any recent writings on pop culture that he doesn't loathe. I don't mean that sarcastically. I am actually interested in what he would consider a worthwhile read on a similar topic so I could look into it myself. Thanks.
Ryan Jones, Manhattan
Toxic Avenger
Can Mark Ames defend his astonishing personal attacks on Klosterman without resorting to an "I felt like it-get over it" defense? ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27)
Wrote Ames: "God knows, I'd love to fight the bastard, because I do believe that the sword is mightier than the pen. And I'm not posturing, I really mean it. But Klosterman would probably win-he describes himself as 'six-foot-two' and he's a good five years younger than I. But I'd do it. I really will do it."
"I really will do it?" As much fun as it no doubt was to write that sentence, it accomplishes nothing other than attempting to celebrate Mark Ames. Don't you get it, Mark? Any work of criticism that contains the phrase "Turning again to his dust-jacket photo" is as toxic as any other work of the culture that drove you to Moscow.
Jim Woster, Los Angeles
Who's Next? Your Treasurer?
Your description of the Rumblers ("Picks," 8/13) was both ill-conceived and misinformative. First, the Rumblers are not muscle-car enthusiasts. We are a pre-1963 club, which by design and date places us before the conception of the muscle car. Furthermore, all of your assumptions about our musical tastes for the pre-car show were misleading. I was interviewed by a writer from New York Press for three hours, I sent a listing for the show to the appropriate department, and you still got it wrong? Don't the names Urban Riot, Turbo ACs or Bloodstained Kings offer you a clue to a musical style, or has your reporter just crawled out from under a rock? Twangy guitars and rockabilly my ass!
Then there was the crack about "peep Lenny and Squiggy for style tips." What is that? Who makes these assumptions at New York Press? Lenny and Squiggy may show up at a Revenge of the Nerds casting call, but not at a Rumblers gig. Cool is not a contrived tv- writer's fantasy, a network wardrobe department concept or a J.R. Taylor article. You can't bottle it, buy it or think about it. It just is. With the exception of the painfully honest Jim Knipfel and the factual William Bryk, the misleading New York Press does serve one purpose. It makes a great fish wrapper. Sha Na Na motherfuck you!
Eddie Von Bach, Vice President, Rumblers NYC
Nah, It's Commie Talk
Publishers all over the U.S. are struggling with sales, especially of books not on the best-seller list. In fact, many large and well-known bookstores are on the verge of going out of business. So it is unfair for New York Press to single out Hillary's book advance ("Books," 8/13) as contributing to the layoffs of 75 employees at Simon & Schuster, as the company says there is no connection. This is another example of Clinton-bashing.
Alexandria Lupu, Lake Havasu City, AZ
Dicks, Tracy?
Please try and write about something other than your private parts or the private parts of others. Taibbi's references to his package in an aroused state a couple of weeks ago and the testicles of his contemporaries are becoming annoying ("Cage Match," 8/27). Incidentally, I will go on the record with that. It's the readers who agree with your tomes who should choose to remain anonymous.
But, in any event Taibbi, please keep up your elitist complaints. I print them out and give them to unsuspecting liberals. It's like foreplay.
Tracy Meadows, Brenham, TX
Van Goes
MUGGER: I saw your latest column online with the address and decided, after all these years, to just drop you a line of thanks. I loved the Press, and have been a reader since the "Angriest Dog in the World" days. While I skimmed the Voice, I paid attention to the Press. You, Taki (loathsome at times, but readable), von Bulow (what a brilliant stroke that was), Shulman, Caldwell, Millionaire, the ferocious letters page, the artwork.
I still pick up the paper to read you, but the rest of it?just Euro-preening for the most part. And without Maakies, the appeal really sinks. For a news junkie like me to give up on a paper is unheard of, but the new owners put it in the category of Downtown News and Our Town-just part of the invisible corps of giveaways.
Still, it was a great ride for a long time. Thanks again, and best of luck in your endeavors in Baltimore.
Van Wallach, Stamford, CT
Much Better Title
You know when you're watching a baby try to take its first steps and it keeps falling down? That's how I felt reading Armond White's review of the Battle of Shitter Falls or whatever that Project Greenlight bullshit was called ("Film," 8/27). White was on his feet, barely needing to hold on to anything, almost taking his first steps throughout the review. The movie is boring and stupid, and the show was manipulative and awful-yes.
Then White falls right on his diapered ass: "Everything that's wrong with our contemporary cinema can be traced to that cynical dismissal of metaphor. Meaning-and healing-is sacrificed to hipness and power."
Excuse me? Everything that's wrong with contemporary cinema is that it's all test-marketed bullshit, not that it lacks embarrassing Hallmark-card emotions. We don't need more cloying sentimentality in today's movies. We just need less mediocrity.
Bob Dale, Brooklyn
Okay, Fair Enough
So, Chuck Klosterman is a horse's ass ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27). I'll save myself the trouble and take your word for it; you make compelling arguments. The title of his book alone is enough to make me wish he didn't exist.
However, I'm not sure his assertion that "Steely Dan was more lyrically subversive than the Sex Pistols and the Clash combined" is as much of a doozie as you think. After all, at what point in either of their careers did those bands manage to make doing blow with girls half their age sound like a radio jingle, like "The Dan" did in the bridge of "Hey, Nineteen?" A song they had a Top Ten hit with, at that. If you don't find that subversive, we clearly have differing criteria.
Jens Carstensen, Brooklyn
Golden Advice
Jim: I fly a lot, and this kind of horror story is not unknown to me ("Slackjaw," 8/27). I try to remember, though, that the crew, at least, wants to get that damn plane off the ground and get where they are supposed to be going at least as much as I do. They have plans, too, and sitting on the taxiway for hours with a load of angry passengers is most likely not high on their priority list.
I once had the same experience with the "complaint department" that you did-except that it was at Hartsfield, in Atlanta. Thunderstorms all up and down the East Coast had made a mess of air traffic, and flights were being delayed and canceled by the dozen. (Business as usual for Atlanta in the summer).
I waited in line to tell my tale of woe to a young lady from Delta customer service-and watched as traveler after traveler berated her as though she had personally arranged to ruin their trips. Some of them were nasty enough that, had they been yelling at me, their next visit would have been to the airport infirmary. So far as I could tell, none of the yellers and screamers got anywhere with her.
When it was my turn, I did just what you did-stated my problem briefly and politely-and I was handed a ticket on another airline for a flight that would get me to my conference only an hour or so late. (I got her name and sent Delta a nice note about her ability to withstand abuse and still do her job).
In future, though, don't stand in those lines-call the airline reservations number directly-it is faster, and works better as a rule. A cellphone would be a handy thing to have, but they aren't mandatory (yet). Keep 'em flying!
Jack Gold, Northstar Island, AK
Two Bucks a Word
I hope that Mark Ames wasn't paid ("The Flip-Flop King," 8/27) for his unreadable review. He is more interested in insulting Mr. Klosterman than presenting a critique of his book. The first four paragraphs are nothing more than a bunch of bathroom-wall insults. Mr. Ames' "review" was so caustic and boring that I couldn't finish the article. I highly suggest you shitcan Mr. Ames, reduce his responsibilities to scrubbing floors or simply allow him to keep his opinions in Moscow. Please forward my email to Mr. Ames. He could probably use some feedback.
Lacy Garrison, Brooklyn
B-Listers Blistered
What exactly is the point of J.R. Taylor's "B-Listers?" It's even more boring and useless than the gossip pages it's imitating. He doesn't offer anything we don't already get elsewhere, and if you look at the music he writes about, it's equally boring and imitative.
The Star Spangles (8/27)? I saw them live and there was not one thing interesting or unique about them. Just another mediocre band living in the past. While praising their uncreativity, he wrote that they're the succesors to the Ramones, a boring retro band in their day, by hailing the Ramones' "big rock cliches." (Hmm. I notice a theme.)
He then mentions the guy from the Smithereens (a boring, ordinary and faceless band), Marshall Crenshaw (so boring and faceless even his mother doesn't care about him anymore), the Sex Pistols reunion (retro and imitative in their day too) and then David Peel (a no-longer-interesting hippy burnout). Here's a crazy thought: Why don't you write about musical acts that are interesting and creative?
Janice Amato, Manhattan
CXB Responds
Dear MUGGER Jr. (aka Jeff Koyen): Thanks for your (incompetent) blurb on my looking for a smart lawyer ("Page Two," 8/27). As always, you right-wing airheads have gotten all the facts wrong.
EX#1: The term "ambulance chaser" is a right-wing smear invented to embarrass lawyers who stand up to corporate America. (Heck, medical malpractice is the fourth-biggest killer in the country according to studies, making "ambulance chaser" the most unintentionally ironic term around!) (FYI: The right wing is all corporate and industry attorneys who want to stop the little guy from suing the big guy!)
EX#2: Like all right-wingers, Koyen repeatedly smears me with nonstop bullshit, and a few mild distortions, such as implying that I am a lazy "layabout" who wants to sue our corrupt government so I can live off the money. Duh. Maybe I should've been working at my day job instead of sitting around doing nothing in Riker's Island-right? And Koyen conveniently left out some crucial facts, like that I didn't merely do 17 days in Rikers. I did 17 days in Riker's illegally, according to five judges who unanimously decided this in the Appellate Court. (Who's your fact-checker? Ann Coulter?) His blurb repeatedly implies that I am lazy and need a day job, but Koyen himself (along with Zaitchik) had drinks with the boss of one of my three jobs and talked about me!
Jeff also conveniently left out the important fact that I just won a lawsuit against the city for $35,000, which might be relevant when making a public appeal for lawyers. But Koyen couldn't put that in because then I wouldn't look like a kook.
I also didn't say I was looking for a lawyer who wants to make an "easy $500,000." My other lawsuit is for being illegally strip-searched (Giuliani's words, not mine) and I said that would be an easy $40,000 because the city already admitted it broke the law. The suit for 17 days in jail (based on a misdemeanor that would've netted me only community service if I'd been guilty!) is going to be much trickier and will require a more talented lawyer because of New York State's laws protecting itself when it commits crimes.
EX#3: I have three day jobs that pay: research assistant, theater usher, carpenter/job foreman, but I have to take time off from work to fight bullshit government and corrupt media and correct stupid disinformation like Koyen's! And I make as much as $150 for 10 minutes of work (when I do voiceover work for a cartoon pilot)! (I've only been on two auditions in my life and I won them both: a Snapple commercial that only aired in Israel (!) and the voice of a 12-year-old boy in that cartoon.)
(Up) yours.
Christopher X. Brodeur, Manhattan
Jeff Koyen replies: Ingrate Brodeur's exact quote, as it stands on my voicemail, is: "There's millions of lawyers in this town, almost all of them are hacks who have no idea what the fuck they're doing. Any chance you can put, like, uh, maybe in New York Press, a little blurb, 'Are there any lawyers out there who want to make an easy five-hundred-thousand dollars?'"
Lynch Pinned
Matt Taibbi quotes ("Cage Match," 8/27) a Washington Post story by Susan Schmidt and Vernon Loeb in which a source claimed that Lynch "fir[ed] her weapon until she ran out of ammunition."
The truth is even worse. Though it wasn't well-reported, Lynch's group apparently fired until their weapons jammed-they weren't out of ammunition, but rather stuck with the expensive Pentagon toys that don't work as advertised.
"On June 17, the Post conceded, in effect, that its story had been wrong. Among other new revelations, her gun had jammed." I've been complaining for several years about this "anonymous source" scam on the public. Generally speaking, the vast majority of such reports embellish the government's position rather than contradicting it.
Virginia Raines, San Jose, CA
Iraq Breakdown
MUGGER: Give me a break. You include this from Thomas L. Friedman (MUGGER, 8/27): "They know this is a war over ideas and values and governance" and don't challenge it? Incisive analysis, my friend. Instead of saying others' arguments are weak, which is about as hard as butter, why not put up some of your own thinking?
To say, as Friedman did, that terrorists knew this was a war about ideas is preposterous. We were led into Iraq because of weapons (which have yet to be found), not because we felt the sudden urge to free the average Iraqi.
And that is to say nothing of the chance you missed to examine why it might be better to have one country full of terrorists rather than have them spread out. This is what's stopping you, however: The reality is, there would be no terrorists in Iraq if we had not deposed Saddam Hussein. Anything but that analysis is simply wrong. Get better.
Matt Leising, Berkeley