Blind Turkeyneck

THE FIRST STAB at a defense of Ryan Cushing, the LI teen who tossed a frozen turkey through the windshield of an oncoming car earlier this month, seems awfully shaky.

Cushing's prank shattered nearly every bone in the face of the driver, Victoria Ruvolo, and left her in critical condition. Last week, Cushing's lawyer told the press, "There has been a rush to judgment. [Authorities] are jumping to conclusions before all the facts were known." And there's no denying that. In this day and age, it's almost a given.

Then, however, the attorney, Vincent Trimarco Jr., tried to argue that the 18-year-old couldn't have thrown the turkey through that windshield because he's legally blind. The boy isn't allowed to drive, he pointed out, and has to get real close to a page in order to read. That neither of those things are at all related to tossing frozen turkeys at cars was never mentioned. Nor was Cushing's specific eye condition.

But the blind and semi-blind are capable of all sort of things, from navigating the subway system and cooking beef stroganoff to cheating on their taxes, setting fires and shooting people. Cushing could be completely blind-utterly, irrevocably, congenitally blind-and still be capable of successfully throwing a 20-pound turkey from a moving vehicle through the windshield of another moving vehicle traveling in the opposite direction. He may not be able to toss the turkey with much accuracy, but how accurate do you really need to be when you're talking turkeys? All he needed was a pair of working arms and at least one working ear, and he'd be all set.

Next thing you know, his lawyer will try to claim that Cushing "didn't know it was a car," or that "he was unaware someone was behind the wheel," or that he "thought the turkey was actually some kind of Nerf toy." They all make about as much sense.

If this is the best defense his lawyer can dream up on short notice, this kid is doomed.