Are You suprised ? WEDS. 4/30 Photographer Steven Klein recently ...

Photographer Steven Klein recently collaborated with Madonna for her 44-page spread in the April issue of W, with the pop star alternately looking like a bedazzled Asian princess and showing off her contortionism. During the shoot, Klein also shot video footage, and the result is "X-STaTIC PRO=CeSS" at Deitch Projects. The exhibit includes life-size photo animation, sound and video works. You only have four more days to check out the fruits of their work. 18 Wooster St. (betw. Grand & Canal Sts.), 212-343-7300; free [Through May 3].

The Boston-based trio, Officer May, could possibly be mistaken for Unsane. They play some of the best heavy-hitting tunes we've heard in a while, and their melodic yet spastic rhythm section and vocal freak-outs resemble early Nirvana. Makes us want to shake our head until it hurts. We can only hope that their Smoking in A Minor release on New York label, Ace Fu Records, sounds as good live as it does on our stereo at volume 11. Look for their early stuff on Boston's Random Noise Records, or catch them at Filter 14 with dreamy, 4AD-ish labelmates, the Eaves. 432 W. 14th St. (betw. Washington St. & 9th Ave.), 212-366-5680; $5, 11.

Watching television news interviews nowadays can be a frustrating ordeal. No matter whom they're talking to-from drug-addled sports legends to serial killers-the interviewers slide on the kid gloves and start tossing puffballs. Since the days of his interview show back in the 50s, however, Mike Wallace has always been a hard ass, asking tough, sometimes cruel questions, whether he's talking to a Hollywood starlet or a poor, hapless schlub. About to turn 85, the real grumpy old man in the 60 Minutes corral only seems to be getting nastier. Tonight, as part of the Center for Jewish History's Dialogue Forum Series, he'll be dishing the dirt on a few of the people he's torn to shreds. Leo & Julia Forchheimer Auditorium at the Center for Jewish History, 15 W. 16th St. (5th Ave.), 212-294-8301; 8, free but reservations req.

THURS. 5/1

What's your one-stop for blood, sex, death, pain, television, beats, guitars, images, latex, lights and music? Matt Slagle and Alex Violi's Side 3. Skip the usual Thursday night at the bowling alley or the movie theater or-god help you-at home with your sitcom friends, and rock the fuck out like there is no tomorrow. Especially 'cause there just might not be a tomorrow. Live like the death kids downtown, and get your ass kicked by audiovisual hyperstimulation. With Still Life Decay. CBGB, 315 Bowery (Bleecker St.), 212-982-4052; 6, $7.

Puerto Rican transplant Alejandra Martorell has been part of the New York dance scene since 1994, and in 1999 the value of her work was recognized when she became an artist in residence with Movement Research. It's pretty safe to say, then, that she knows a little about the "modus operandi" of modern dance-and with her new show, m.o., she aims to transcend it. Martorell's choreography revolves around constant innovation; with fellow dancers Sigal Bergman and Savitri Durkee, she has created a performance that explores new ways of thinking about spatial and interpersonal relationships. P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; 8:30, $15 [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8:30, Sun. at 5].

FRI. 5/2

What, me worry? It may be a perennial cult staple, but there are still moments when Dr. Strangelove is more relevant than usual. And in case you haven't been paying attention, we're currently living through a particularly drastic, extended version of one of those moments. It's impossible to see this movie too many times, so go refresh your memory, and remember: Kubrick originally wanted this to be a straight film. It was only after he started writing that he decided to make it a comedy. Anthology Film Archives, 32 2nd Ave. (2nd St.), 212-505-5181; 7, $8 [Repeats Sat. at 9:30].

These guys sort of sound like the Get Up Kids when the Get Up Kids really rocked. Which is to say, these indie veterans now on a major can play songs about diaries and lost loves and still sound more hardcore than New Found Glory or OK Go. Sum 41 probably watch more porn though. Oh, and The Ataris once wrote a song about wanting to kick Ben Lee's ass, and we're sure they could actually do it, if only because they outnumber him four to one. Roseland, 239 W. 52nd St, (betw. B'way & 8th Ave.), 212-777-6800; 6:45 p.m., $16.50.

SAT. 5/3

If words like "drop-out," "derailleur" and "rat-trap" are part of your daily vocabulary, hold on to your unsprung saddle. Today is the last day of the NYC Bicycle Show. Peruse the folding and recumbent bikes, ogle the fancy Bianchis, sign up for the Great Five Boro Bike Tour and talk to environmental group Time's Up! about the upcoming BikeSummer. Top it off with a Brooklyn beer. Bike there and enjoy free indoor valet bike parking. New York State Armory, 68 Lexington Ave. (26th St.), 11-8, $10, $8 with coupon from nycbicycleshow.com/coupon/timesup.html.

In conjunction with the opening of its expanded exhibit of ancient Egyptian art, the Brooklyn Museum of Art and the Brooklyn Philharmonic have put together a fantastic installment of their monthly First Saturday series. The Philharmonic and spoken-word guests get the evening going with "Shakespeare Live," followed by film screenings, talks on Egyptian art and fashion and a chance to make your own beaded necklace. The icing on the cake is a free Egyptian dance lesson and a dance party, with DJ Neva, so you can-yes, here it comes-dance like an Egyptian. Ow! 200 Eastern Parkway (Washington Ave.), 718-638-5000; 6, free.

SUN. 5/4

Brooklyn native and National Book Award-winning novelist Robert Stone reads tonight at KGB. Suggested topics for possible Q&A: How much beer did it take to drink your way out of high school? So, you were a copy boy at the Daily News, huh? What was it like to be part of Ken Kesey's Merry Prankster running crew and how badly do you want to punch Tom Wolfe in the face for Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test? How much was the drug-addled Vietnam War correspondent in Dog Soldiers based on your experience as a drug-addled Vietnam War correspondent? Why does your new book, Bay of Souls, suck so much? 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd Ave. & Bowery), 212-505-3360; 7, free.

Yeah, the Stratford 4, who play the Bowery Ballroom with Pedro the Lion tonight, are shoegazy and all that, but we guarantee they'll make you smile more than My Bloody Valentine ever did. Who else can write make-out music about calling your mom? The kids (not to mention some usually jaded grownups we know) are going nuts about the band's alluring new album, Love & Distortion, and especially the song "Telephone," an eight-minute epic about a music-obsessed loner who calls his mother in search of advice and affirmation. It's a tune with a twist that many people seem to have missed, so pay attention. 6 Delancey St. (betw. Bowery & Chrystie St.). 212-533-2111; 10, $13.

MON. 5/5

There are bizarre, bad movies, and then there are bizarre bad movies that seem like cultural imports from alien worlds populated by violent, cross-dressing freaks whose only cultural reference points are 40s Hollywood musicals and twisted animal cruelty. 1978's Diana Ross star vehicle The Wiz definitely falls into the latter category. The whole movie feels dark and dirty, not just for the inclusion of a pre-Captain Eo Michael Jackson and a bingeing Richard Pryor, but even the sets look like they were recently fished out of a Salvation Army's home furnishings or crafts section. Dog Day Afternoon director Sidney Lumet should have known better, but fuck, if there's one strychnine-acid-trip-worthy event this week, this is it. Two Boots Den, 44 Ave. A (3rd St.), 212-254-0800; 8, $5.

TUES. 5/6

The pop-alt guru is back. Out to promote his eighth novel, Villa Incognito, Tom Robbins hits the Union Square Barnes & Noble to corrupt a new flock of campus bohemians. A modern-day Socrates of sorts-we're being generous here-Robbins' philosophical ruminations on paradox, religion and the military (with the latter two defining the first) will tempt the young and bore the old. Decide for yourself which category you fall in to. 33 E. 17th St. (betw. Broadway and Park Ave. S.), 212-253-0810; 7, free.

Irish-born photographer Karl Doyle got off his NY couch and spent two summers in Mongolia capturing its people, fashion and national games on 4x5 film. The large-scale and quite dramatic prints from his exploits will be on view at the Clockwork-Apple Gallery starting today. Should you like to meet the adventurous artist, you can attend the reception on Friday, May 9 at 6. 32B Gansevoort St., (betw. Hudson St. & 9th Ave.), 212-229-1187; 11-6. [through 5/30]

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Christopher Carbone, Katharine Crane, Mallory Jensen, Jim Knipfel, Lisa LeeKing, Sharon Her, Hana Nakamura, Andy Wang, Alexander Zaitchik.