Are You suprised ? Okay, what’s the deal? Where ...

So where are all the nice, decent-looking, athletic-minded girls out there???

-Dom

Your very own entrance and exit do not a bachelor pad make. Therefore, the first place I would suggest you try hot-babe shopping is at your local realtor's office. There you will find a bevy of employed women eager to drive you around and show you apartments that you can surely afford after spending all those years sucking off the parental tit.

I once briefly dated an adult man who still lived with his parents. He had to sneak me into and out of the house-it was like being sixteen again, only we were grown-ups so it wasn't fun, it was merely stupid. One night I got up for a midnight pee and walked in on his addled dad getting a snack outta the fridge. Oh wait-did I forget to mention that Daddy Dearest was butt naked? The image of that droopy old-man ass is burned into my retinas to this day. Do you really think I'm going to help you put a sister through what I've been through? Think again.

Once you have your very own big boy lease, you can try that question again.

Two of my closest male friends are single men around 40. Until recently neither of them had dated in five-plus years. I have been pushing both of them to get their vas deferens severed, primarily because I have seen unwanted/unplanned children ruin otherwise happy lives. I've told both of them repeatedly that they were 15 minutes away from fatherhood if they met the wrong woman. The younger of the two is now involved with a girl who "wants to keep her options open" (emphasis mine). The other lives in denial. Would you refuse to have a relationship with a man who could not ignite your soul kitchen with tiny replicants of yourself? Do you feel it justifiable for older men to get involved with women generations younger than themselves who want only to breed and share in their assets? Do you think there is anything I could do to further share my awareness with them? Or should I, as my wife suggests, not involve myself in their lives if they want to live that way, not intrude my reality into their existence if they want to hold out for some Tony Randall fantasy.

-Vlad

ME, I would consider a vasectomy a bonus akin to a '64 Chevy Impala, a rent-controlled penthouse on Gramercy Park or a degree from the Swedish Institute-in any guy I dated. But we're not talking about me. Then again, we're not talking about you, either.

For a married guy, you sure are fascinated with your friends' wieners. I'm with your wife-I don't see how this is any of your business. First off, 40 isn't exactly ancient-plenty of men (and women) spawn around then and even later. And if you use the "Man Years" mathematical formula I've devised (think Dog Years, but in reverse), a 40-year-old guy is really only about 25 mentally and emotionally anyway, so a much younger woman is actually a pretty good match.

My most long-term boyfriend was twelve years older than me. Though his friends (especially the women) were scandalized at first, they all grew to like me just fine. In fact, when he dumped me after six years, I got to keep most of our friends in the divorce settlement. Not all younger women are looking to steal your buddies' dough. (In my case, that would've been impossible-he was as big a broke-ass loser as I was.) And not all broads are hell-bent on breeding either.

These girls are probably attracted to your friends because they're tired of dating retards their own age. Do you have any idea how annoying most guys in their 20s are? The smart, interesting ones are inevitably "tortured" (yawn), and the dumb ones are just, well, dumb. Older men are an unknown quantity. They don't share their apartments with 12 of their closest beer-quaffing buds. They shave and bathe on a regular basis and can buy you a meal that doesn't come in a paper sack.

But have no fear. In time, these ladies will figure out that the older ones come with their own set of problems (ex-wives, back hair, erectile dysfunction, etc.). Until then, let them enjoy themselves. Did it occur to you that maybe you're just jealous that they're scoring hot, young tail while you're a boring old married guy? You shouldn't be. As stultifying as marriage can sometimes be, it's nowhere near the hell that dating is. So keep your yap shut and let them have their fun while it lasts. Because believe me, it won't last long.

Write [dategirl@nypress.com](mailto:dategirl@nypress.com) or Dategirl, c/o New York Press, 333 7th Ave., 14th fl., NY, NY 10001.