Above: Actual headline from the New York Sun, August 2003 Above: ...
Fred Phelps & the Apostles Rock NYC
Fred Phelps and his gang of righteous Apostles wrapped up their 32-city "God Still Hates Fags" tour last Monday at the Harvey Milk School, where a high-energy crowd began assembling before 7:00 a.m.
Police barricades were erected along Astor Place to hold back hundreds of fans jockeying for position to see Phelps perform his highly acclaimed performance art, in which the flamboyantly gay L.A.-based "Preacher Phelps" (nee Stuart Rothman) and his merry "Apostles" pretend to be anti-gay extremists from Kansas.
Among the props Rothman designed specifically for the New York show were posters showing the burning Twin Towers above the words "God's Rod" and a sign that said simply: "FDNY Fags."
Phelps is Rothman's most successful character since playing the gaunt zombie villain "Kane" in the 80s horror sequel Poltergeist 2.
TV-Free Taxi
Congratulations to the Taxi and Limousine Commission for finally getting something right. The TLC announced that it was discontinuing the taxicab television program, a one-year trial project of Global Vision Interactive and Intell Marketing. Forget the Big Brother aspect of it all, the tv's should have come with barf bags. Apparently none of the dinks at these companies have ever gotten a little too drunk and taken a cab home at five in the morning. The tv's were instant carsick devices.
How long until they're gone? When asked what he thought about the decision to remove the tiny televisions, one driver noted that it "took them years to get rid of the damn seatbelt announcements."
Our strict policy of avoiding that last shot remains intact, as right now we're just happy to enjoy a quiet, thoughtful tv-free cab ride.
Yeah, we met Warren Zevon once, and he was being a dick. He just sat there and stared at us while we made some informed stabs at conversation. We finally got insulted just around when we also remembered we were about to get fired and had nothing to lose.
"Listen," we said, "we'll put up with the silent treatment from Johnny Cash, but you're just a guy whose albums were designed by Kosh."
Zevon gave us a little smile at that, said something about Kosh being okay, and then started talking about how intimidating it can be to meet somebody you really admire. He said he usually felt a lot better talking to someone after he had thanked the person for his work.
Zevon's dead now, and we forgot to thank him for never embarrassing himself like Dylan did. He didn't get us fired, either, and we ended up keeping that job for several more months.
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CRIME BLOTTER
Bullets rain on parade
To read the papers, there were only two ugly incidents related to last weekend's West Indian Day parade down Brooklyn's Eastern Parkway. There amongst the floats and the drums and the music and the extravagant costumes, Anthony Bartholomew, 20, was shot and killed?either for bumping into a man who was dancing or for laughing at a member of the Bloods who was flashing hand signals, depending on who you talk to. His bleeding, lifeless body was left in the street, parade-goers stepping over him, until a policeman on one of the passing floats saw the situation. Shortly thereafter, another man in the crowd was stabbed in the neck.
Those were the stories you heard. Meanwhile, there were four other arrests made during the parade itself?one disorderly conduct, one concealed weapon, a 13-year-old girl was picked up for assaulting an officer, and one man was arrested on weapons charges after someone discovered he was carrying a shotgun in the truck he was using to pull a float full of kids. All in all, pretty mild for a parade of that size?except of course for the murder and that stabbing.
Responding to the shooting, the mayor said, "It's hard to understand why, when you have a joyous occasion, some people resort to violence."
He should be pleased to know, then, that most of the thousands of revelers at the parade were responsible citizens, who only resorted to violence before the parade got underway.
In the hours just prior to the parade, in the neighborhoods surrounding the parade route, the NYPD reported the following:
At 2 a.m., a 46-year-old man tried to break up a tussle between two men he didn't know. For his kind efforts, he was shot in the chest, leg and stomach. It's unclear which of the men shot him, but both men fled. The victim is in stable condition.
Around the same time, and in the same area, an 18-year-old was discovered who'd been stabbed four times in the chest. He's in rough shape, and no one is clear on why he was stabbed, or by whom.
An hour later, a 29-year-old man was shot in the stomach?again for reasons and by persons unknown.
A 17-year-old girl, in town to see the parade, was kidnapped at gunpoint by an unknown assailant, forced into a car and later raped.
A 36-year-old man was standing on a street corner at 5 a.m.?perhaps there to get a good seat for the parade?when he heard a series of gunshots. It only took a short while before he realized that he was the one who'd been shot..
And finally, at 5:30 a.m., a 35-year-old man was shot in the leg and a 15-year-old shot in the torso by an unknown attacker. Both are in stable condition, and police have no suspects.
It strikes me that all these pre-parade gun-wielding thugs were actually being quite considerate for taking care of their business early, the way they did. After all, one shooting during a parade you almost expect, but six would've been a little over the top?especially when the parade was in memory of councilman James Davis.