A Hack's Diary: This Job Is Starting to Get to Me

Nov. 28 5:30 a.m. ? I'm $3000 in the hole now and have to work like a sick amount of taxi shifts to see daylight. I plan on working like 30 straight shifts, I figure that'll put me way ahead of things ya know? The most I ever worked before was six and I ended up crazy in the hospital. But that was like a while back and I was doing drugs and acting stupid and anyway this time it's gonna be different because I'm approaching it like I'm going to set a world record or something. Only good foods, and tin foil over the windows (that way the serotonin can leak into my brain; my girlfriend told me this). Plenty of water and no jacking off. I haven't ejaculated in almost three days.

Things are real rough on the streets, though. Crazy and getting crazier, fares come real slow and a lot of times I end up at the 42nd St. bus terminal, parked and shooting the shit and watching out for the dickhead Metro police, with the other cab drivers. I mainly hang out with Moses and the other Puerto Ricans, me and Moses talk shit and spit and compete with one another for gabbing time. Mainly about the things we see and how slow it is and look at that freak and I hate that cop and man it's so slow and Moses gets so excited sometimes he grabs my coatsleeve and pulls me down and nearly breaks my arm to get me to listen to him.

We started thinking up some illegal shit to do but then I got a fare up to 148 and Amsterdam, none of the other cab drivers wanted to take it because the dudes were black and looked like hustlers, I don't care, I'd go into hell to get some green. You go uptown man? If you got the money I'll go anywhere. Do I got the money SHIT? The brother pulls out a wad of green. If I was white you won't be saying that now would you? Shit, yes I would. I don't care if you green, purple or blue I just want my money. Some of the other cab drivers laughed, the brothers just smiled and called me a down whiteboy, inside I felt proud.

But way up in outer space I was as nervous as hell, they had me park while they did a couple of drug deals, I sat in the car and talked to myself and told myself what a bad motherfucker I was, a real killer. But the shit wasn't working, I was nervous as hell. When it was all said and done I had $35 for the round trip and a number for some Darvosets if I wanted them.

I don't know if I'm gonna make it, already it feels like there's a rock in my neck from sitting and I'm having weird thoughts from time to time. When I close my eyes I see a trail of red and greens lights imprinted on the inside of my brain and paranoid thoughts creep into my brain that my sweet darling girlfriend is sleeping with a rock star? I don't know...